A 20-year-old Colorado man visiting Hawaii was attacked by a shark this past weekend. This was less than a year after the same man had his scalp ripped open by a bear. And a few years earlier he was bitten by a rattle snake. If you’re only 20-years-old and already been by bitten by a shark, a bear and a rattler maybe you should stay inside. Here are some other signs…
If you’ve tasted fewer types of animals than have tasted you…maybe you should just stay inside.
If you have more stitches in you than the AIDS quilt…maybe you should just stay inside.
If you’ve been in more hospital emergency rooms than a fire-eater with a chronic case of the hiccups…maybe you should just stay inside.
If you’ve been lunch almost as often as you’ve had lunch…maybe you should just stay inside.
If you see nature as the breathtaking poetry of the earth but nature sees you as a Golden Corral on two legs…maybe you should just stay inside.
If despite nature’s best efforts, it’s g-damn miracle you still have two legs…maybe you should just stay inside.
If the reason you think “Bears still suck” isn’t because you’re a Packer fans who hates the team’s talent deprived rival from the south but rather because a real one tried to eat your head like it was a scrumptious meatball…maybe you should just stay inside.
If your body has more teeth marks than Bill Clinton’s penis…you should definitely just stay inside!
