EFFECTS OF THE GOVERNMENT SHUT DOWN
- Just to pay her own bills, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi may have to return to former job as a professional rodeo clown.
- Interrupted waste disposal at the National Zoo means there will be another site in DC just as full of crap as the Senate chamber.
- Lack of funds for daily tanning will cause the President’s skin to fade from bright Creamsicle orange to a muted salmon.
- Locked doors at Presidential Libraries will mean many of George W. Bush’s favorite books could possibly go uncolored.
- To avoid delays caused by staffing shortages at TSA checkpoints, airline passengers will be encouraged to fondle their own balls.
- Subpoenas issued to Trump staffers by Robert Mueller will be printed on the back of print outs of Hillary’s missing e-mails.
- Cereal bowls in congressional dining hall will not be washed before being used to cut Congressman Glenn Grothman’s hair.
- Without anybody answering the 800 number hotlines at the National Institutes of Health, there will be no one to tell you you have the wrong number when you misdial your phone sex line.
- Delayed clinical trials and decisions on regulating new drugs and devices related to public health and safety means Americans may have to go weeks without the introduction of any new boner pills.
- The food selections offered sports teams visiting the White House will, heretofore, be limited to only items chosen from the value menu.
