All Access Club
All Access Club
Sponsored By Planet Fitness
Request A Song
Request A Song
Rock
Lines
Rock Lines
Slide Up
Interactive » Blog
jun 24th


WAYS THE PEOPLE ARRESTED AT LAMBEAU SATURDAY WOULD HAVE SPENT $880 AT COUNTRY USA THAT THEY INSTEAD HAD TO POST AS BOND

10. Left a trail of empty Keystone cans from Lambeau field to Oshkosh to make it easier to find their way back to Green Bay.   

9. Picked up a couple gallon bucks of lard or some other kind of lube.

8. Gotten one of the those handy hat-to-penis conversion charts illustrating just how big a cowboy hat has to be to compensate for having a comically small wiener. (3 inch penis = 10 Gallon hat)

7. Bought an MP3 player and a set of noise cancelling headphone so they could listen to some decent music while the concerts are going on.

6. Stocked up on confederate flags that they can resell on the soon-to by-hot secondary racist banner market.

5. Picked up a late father’s day gift by having one of the festival’s local artisans fashion a life size bust of dad from fresh cow manure.

4. Loaded up on great CD’s by AC/DC, Def Leppard, and Motley Crue so they can hear the original superior versions of the songs that country artists will no doubt be butchering all week.''

3. For your friend who just had a child, bought a Country USA 2015 souvenir Baby's First Spit Cup.

2. Bought “It’s not a beer belly. It’s a solar panel for a sex machine” t shirts for their sister, wife and daughter…which in some cases might all be the same person”.

1. Paid someone to paint a bull's eye on their shirt to make them an easier target for drivers leaving the Country USA grounds.
posted by: Rick and Len at 11:18 am Comment On This Post

jun 17th


After the Brewer hit the beloved Bob Uecker during batting practice causing a concussion, you have to wonder what..
.

COULD HAPPENED THAT COULD STILL MAKE THIS BREWER SEASON EVEN MORE DISASTROUS

10. Bernie Brewer decapitated during bizarre chalet slide accident.

9. Cinco, the sombrero and beard wearing chorizo arrested mid sausage race and deported after Naturalization and Immigration finds he snuck into this country disguised as a hairy wiener.

8. Hank the Dog ejected from a game for dry humping an umpire’s chest protector. 

7. Miller Park quarantined by the CDC after Ebola found to be closely linked to Brewer Fever.

6. Ball boy grows a foot taller and a second head after accidentally stepping on a needle that fell out of Ryan Braun's duffle bag.

5. Life-like sculpture of former owner Bud Selig revealed to actually be just a pile of empty beer cans.

4. Brewer great Rollie Fingers kicked out of Hall of Fame after it's revealed that during his playing years, he used illegal steroid-based mustache wax.

3. It's revealed that pitcher Will Smith who was tossed from a game last month for having pine tar on his forearm got it from non-consensual sex with an evergreen tree.

2. Brett Wurst, the racing brat changes name to Kaitlyn and becomes a racing clam.

1. Most famous fan scandalized by sleazy porn parody… Backdoor Amy.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:19 am Comment On This Post

jun 16th


GOOD THINGS ABOUT YESTERDAY’S HEAVY RAIN

10. The Jesus on your car’s dashboard finally got use his scuba mask and water wings.

9. Sure the sewers may have backed up, but, hey look, there are free Baby Ruth bars floating everywhere.

8. By the end of the week, the gajillion mosquitos that hatch as a result will be large enough to saddle and ride.

7. Washed the dirt off headlights to make them easier to see on the cars whose drivers didn’t feel the need to turn them on during the storm.

6. Think about all the gas that was saved by the flooding shutting down the only area streets not already closed by road construction.

5. Parking meters in downtown Appleton are perfectly located to tie off your boat.

4. Much harder to hear Rick and Len’s voice over the sound of your sump pump.

3. Installing a waterslide in your basement cheaper than a weekend in the Dells. 
2. The pouring rain masks Rick’s lonely tears and raging incontinence.

1. Those furry creatures living above Mayor Jim Schmitt’s eyes… they drowned.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:17 am Comment On This Post

jun 12th


WHAT THAT THING LOOKED LIKE IN LEBRON’S SHORTS

10. A sedated black mambo

9. An overly girthy licorice stick

8. An unusually large, swarthy toadstool

7. A thick stalk of dusky asparagus

6. A didgeridoo carved from dark ebony

5. A night crawler on steroids

4. A dark chocolate souvenir of downtown Appleton's Hadzi sculpture

3. “Franks and beans”

2. I’m not sure but even American Pharaoh was a little envious

1. A white penis...only bigger.
posted by: Rick and Len at 9:50 am Comment On This Post

jun 11th


The Post Crescent has a story concerning the prostitution and human trafficking case against 3 local men. While the details of the case are horrible, one thing stands out. The men reportedly called their operation "PIMPIN' PARTNERS".

PIMPIN’ PARTNERS makes even these truely heinous crimes seem almost happy and lighthearted. Sound likes it could be the name of a CBS sit-com. Sort of like The Bosom Buddies…but, you know, with pimps.

NAMES YOU COULD USE TO MAKE OTHER CRIMES SEEM MORE "FUN"

10. Kidnapin’ Cohorts

9. Burglarin’ Buddies 

8. Hooker Helpers 

7. Assassinatin’Associates

6. Rapin’ Mates

5. Felon Friends

4. Murderin’ Amigos

3. Torturin’ Twosome

2. Homicide Homies

1. Manslaughterin’ Muchachos
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:39 am Comment On This Post

jun 11th


The Post Crescent has a story concerning the prostitution and human trafficking case against 3 local men. While the details of the case are horrible, one thing stands out. The men reportedly called their operation "PIMPIN' PARTNERS".

PIMPIN’ PARTNERS makes even these truely heinous crimes seem almost happy and lighthearted. Sound likes it could be the name of a CBS sit-com. Sort of like The Bosom Buddies…but, you know, with pimps.

NAMES YOU COULD USE TO MAKE OTHER CRIMES SEEM MORE "FUN"

10. Kidnapin’ Cohorts

9. Burglarin’ Buddies 

8. Hooker Helpers 

7. Assassinatin’Associates

6. Rapin’ Mates

5. Felon Friends

4. Murderin’ Amigos

3. Torturin’ Twosome

2. Homicide Homies

1. Manslaughterin’ Muchachos
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:39 am Comment On This Post

may 29th


Wisconsin celebrates a birthday today. Our state is officially 167 years old having been admited to the union on May 29, 1848. Here are some...

SIGNS WISCONSIN IS GETTING OLD 

10. Community once known as Dar-BOY now known as Dar-CODGER.

9. What was once a Manito-woc has slowed to, at best, a Manito-waddle.

8. Since menopause, has had to rename city "no longer producing Eggs Harbor".

7. It has a harder time controlling it's bowels apparently due to its Grand Chute keeps getting bigger.

6. Despite its persistence that "it's not a Tomah"... it is a Tomah.

5. Boulder Junction is now best known as a description of the point where the state's kidney stones enter it's urethra.

4. Can no longer remember the answer to the question Wey-auwega?

3. Realizing that it's not getting any younger, Dykesville no longer claims it was just a phase that went through in college and has finally come out and admitted a lifelong attraction to Bailey and her harbor.

2. Sherwood now only sure with help from Viagra.

1. AL now has to get up 10 times night to GO-MA.

(Boy, what that stupid!)
posted by: Rick and Len at 11:37 am Comment On This Post

may 27th

The Associated Press is reporting that many porn stars don't like California's proposed regulations. Sex performers would even be required to wear protective eye gear in some situations. The porn stars say if the new rules go in effect their adult videos will look like medical shows. Here are some more safety guidelines for porn.


NEW PORN INDUSTRY SAFETY RULES

10. Actresses must lift with their legs not their back when handling Ron Jeremy’s penis.

9. Make sure to wash your hands before sticking a finger in somebody's butt.

8. Performers must at all times wear skid-resistant work boots to avoid slipping in puddles of fluids.

7. Spilled fluids should be cleaned up immediately from floors, work surfaces...faces, backs and stomachs.  

6. A representative from the ASPCA must be on hand at all times to assure no beavers are harmed in the making of this film.

5. Actresses without shaved hoohas must always wear hairnets.

4. Use barricade tape or orange cones to clearly indicate open holes.

3. Horseplay on the job is forbidden. Donkeys, on the other hand, are okay but only south of the border.

2. Keep all exits, entrances and passageways free of debris.

1. All male performers must have label on their underwear that reads, “may contain choking hazard”.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:28 am Comment On This Post

apr 21st


TOP TEN SCOOPS ABOUT STAR WARS VII: THE FORCE AWAKENS

10. We’ll see Leia put another medal around Luke’s neck like she did at the end of the first movie only to have Kanye West jump on stage and declare that Beyoncé deserved it more. 

9. Despite the image of a downed Imperial Star Destroyer in the trailer, there is will be no evidence in the film that Brian Williams was on it when it crashed like he claims.

8. Darth Vader’s full name will be revealed to have actually been Darth Hussein Vader.  

7. Instead of Jabba the Hut forcing his slave girls wear metal bikinis, in Hillary Clinton’s honor he’ll make them wear metal pant suits.

6. Filmmakers were unable to film the movie in California because conditions were too dry for the scenes set on the desert planet of Tatooine.

5. While trying to make the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs, The Millennium Falcon will mysteriously vanish as it takes a short cut through Malaysia.

4. Despite Mose Isley's Cantina still being "a wretched hive of scum and villainy", we’ll see that they’ve refused to admit Bill Cosby ever since he tried slipping a roofy to a hot Wookie. 

3. With the Empire already destroyed, this movie will focus on efforts to overthrow the government of Indiana so R2D2 doesn’t get discriminated against when goes there to marry a sexy Roomba.

2. Still riddled with doubt, Luke will go on the Maury Povich show to find out if Darth Vader was really his father.

1. Chewbacca’s costume will look more realistic due to the fact that it’s been made entirely from the excess hair plucked from Green Bay Mayor Jim Schmitt’s eyebrows.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:17 am Comment On This Post

apr 13th


Late Friday night, police in downtown Appleton subdued and arrested this naked dude running down College Avenue.

REASONS POLICE ARRESTED THE NAKED GUY IN DOWNTOWN APPLETON FRIDAY NIGHT

10. The new expo center has to be approved and built before you’re allowed to start exposing anything downtown.

9. The brat guy is the only one licensed to have his sausage out on College Avenue.

8. The Mini Golf on the Town event in Downtown Appleton didn’t start until 1pm Saturday meaning he had his putter and balls out 13 hours early.

7. His linguini was too al dente for Victoria's Italian Restaurant.

6. Big Appleton event is Mile of Music not 3 ½ Inches of Dude Stick.

5. They were afraid somebody might mistake his penis for Cohiba at Appleton Cigar Company and try to smoke it.

4. Police were concerned that the guy was going to run into KK Billiards and try to try to shoot a game of pool without a cue stick.  

3. St. Patrick’s Day is the only time you’re allowed to wave your shillelagh around outside the Durty Leprechaun.

2. With Mayor Tim Hanna just a couple blocks away in city hall, Appleton doesn’t need another guy downtown showing off his shortcomings.

1. If you don’t have a hygienic place to keep change for the parking meters, you’re not welcome in downtown Appleton.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:30 am Comment On This Post

feb 16th


SIGNS YOUR FAVORITE SNL CHARACTERS HAVE GOTTEN OLD

10. Neither Wayne nor Garth can “Schwing” without Viagra.

9. The Blues Brothers are now so named due to the color of their varicose veins. 

8. As a result of their high cholesterol and blood pressure, Greek diner now serving only “Turkey burger, turkey burger, turkey burger. Caffeine Free Coke, no Pepsi”.  

7. Dieter from Sprockets no longer asks guests to touch his monkey...because it died of old age.

6. Stefan now thinks that New York's hottest new club is AARP.  

5. Debbie Downer changed name to Debbie Dependent after getting strung out of powerful anti-depressants.

4. Bass-o-Matic salesman has lost interest in getting a good piece of bass.

3. Pat was recently hospitalized for either a hysterectomy or vasectomy.

2. Instead of claiming to be married to Morgan Fairchild, Tommy Flanagan now claims to be married to Betty White...yeah, Betty White…that's the ticket!
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:51 am Comment On This Post

feb 3rd


THINGS TO ASK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU GET IN A FIGHT WITH THE TWO HOOKERS YOU HIRED THE MORNING AFTER THE SUPER BOWL WHEN YOU WORK FOR THE NFL NETWORK

10. Was having a Viagra with my Rice Krispies really my best breakfast option?

9. When I get my ass fired for this, how much will the NFL Network's rating go up?

8. How much of a pay cut will I have to take going from NFL analyst to working part time at Foot Locker?

7. If I get arrested, lose my job and become a national laughing stock, will it be any more embarrassing that the season I spent on Dancing With The Stars?

6. Considering that I just filed for bankruptcy, wouldn't it be more cost effective to only hire one hooker to fight with?

5. Who would make a better cellmate: Aaron Hernandez or Darren Sharper?

4. Should I just punch the hookers or blindside them like I did Chad Clifton?

3. If I really want to hang out with a couple disreputable whores, shouldn't I just get in the booth at Fox with Buck and Aikman?

2. If instead of getting in a fight with hookers, I just kill a dude like ESPN's Ray Lewis, will I get to keep my job?

1. As far as making bad decisions go, how will this compare with Pete Carroll’s choice to pass instead of run on the one yard line?

posted by: Rick and Len at 10:18 am Comment On This Post

jan 30th

OTHER INDICATORS THAT GREEN BAY IS THE MOST ROMANTIC CITY IN AMERICA

10. Pollution from paper mill smokestacks makes romantic sunsets all the more colorful.

9. For a romantic Saturday night you can always go to the NEW Zoo to watch the monkeys hump.

8. Green Bay girls will let you stick your brat in their buns.

7. Where else but Bay Beach can you give your date a good ride for as little as a quarter.

6. Guys know that taking a date to the Tundra Lodge is guaranteed to make her wet. 

5. Left over grease from Friday fish fries perfect for aromatic hot oil massages.

4. You only have to drive your date 20 miles south anytime you want to kiss her where it stinks.

3. Female ice fishing enthusiasts will sometimes let a special guy do it in her ice hole.  

2. You can take long walks together in the lush, over-grown jungle-like habitat that is Mayor Jim Schmitt's eyebrows.

1. There is nothing more romantic than holding your girlfriend’s hair after a long day of tailgating.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:41 am Comment On This Post

jan 26th
Last week Kristin Cavallari left hubby Jay Cutler alone with the kids for a few days. She Instagramed this text she received from Jay.




THINGS THAT HAPPENED LAST WEEK WHILE JAY CUTLER WAS TAKING CARE OF HIS KIDS BY HIMSELF

10. Hamper full of 4 days of poopie diapers stunk up their house almost as badly as Jay stunk up Solider Field all season.

9. While Jay was throwing the kids in the bathtub, they were intercepted by Sam Shields.

8. Tried giving the one year old a bottle but unlike his father, the kid doesn’t suck.

7. Older boy wanted a bedtime story but, just like opposing defenses, Jay can’t read them.

6. Thought the kids were covered in dark bruises but they had only gotten into daddy’s mascara.

5. Both children have diaper rash making them almost as butt-hurt as their father.

4. Jay didn’t like the idea of changing diapers any more than Packer fans like the idea of the Bears changing starting quarterback.

3. Was unable to put the kids to sleep due to lack of available Bears game film.

2. All that breastfeeding was making his nipples sore.

1. Got so sick and tired of the endless crying….the kids kept begging him to stop.
posted by: Rick and Len at 11:00 am Comment On This Post

jan 22nd


PATRIOT EXCUSES FOR WHY 11 OR THEIR 12 BALLS WERE UNDER-INFLATED

10. Couldn’t properly inflate the balls because they were too busy inflating their ticket prices.

9. Bill Belichick learned the hard way that you can’t inflate footballs with the same pump you use on your penis.

8. They thought the amount of air in the balls was irrelevant…you know, like the Pro Bowl.

7. Coach Belichick doesn’t have time to monitor the inflating of the footballs because he’s too busy studying illegally made video tapes of opponents defensive signals.

6. “They were in the pool! They were in the pool!”

5. Trying to emulate Mike McCarthy who earlier Sunday took the air out an entire state.

4. The Patriots let the Chicago Bears inflate the balls because they thought they really blew but it turns out, as we all know, they actually suck.

3. Can’t remember what happened to their balls after they had a drink with Bill Cosby.

2. Patriot in charge of ball inflation was Aaron Hernandez but he only knows how to pump things full of lead.

1. They have no excuse for why 11 of the 12 balls were under-inflated but will come up with something just as soon as they get done firing the guy who didn’t under-inflate that 12th ball.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:29 am Comment On This Post

nov 3rd 2014

WHAT THE HAZARDOUS MATERIAL IS THAT SHUT DOWN A FOUR BLOCK AREA OF OSHKOSH OVER THE WEEKEND.

10. Smurf poop.

9.  Used condoms from a responsible, safe sex practicing Ebola monkey. 

8. My extensive collection of celebrity pubic wigs.

7. Several pounds of sand from a certain Chicago quarterback’s hidey hole.

6. The pole from the recently closed Naughty Girls strip club.

5. Dom Capers’ defensive plan from the New Orleans game.

4. A selection of naked Joe Buck selfies.

3. The baby batter stained desktop of former corrupt Winnebago County District Attorney Joe Paulus.

2. A vial of the violent, crazy juice Jeff Gordon was drinking at the Texas Motor Speedway.

1. Goopy, viscous gunk from Governor Walker’s wonky eye.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:30 am Comment On This Post

oct 8th 2014


TOP TEN POSSIBLE BATH AND BODY WORKS CANDLES FOR THE DISSATISFIED CUSTOMER WHOSE VIDEO RANT WENT VIRAL THIS WEEK

10. Ill-Tempered Tulip 

9. Pissed Off Peach

8. Bent Out of Shape Sunshine

7. Cheesed Off Cherry Blossom 

6. In a Snit Citrus

5. Bitch is Back Basil

4. Butt Hurt Butterscotch

3. Panties in a Bunch Breeze

2. Sand in her ‘Gina Ginger

1. On the Rag Rosewood
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:37 am Comment On This Post

oct 7th 2014


This couple was sentenced this week in connection with doing it the backseat of an Oconto County Sheriff's vehicle while a deputy was driving them to jail. Seriously!

THINGS TO ASK YOURSELF BEFORE HAVING SEX IN AN OCONTO COUNTY SQUAD CAR

10. Will these handcuffs make it more difficult…or more kinky?

9. Can I heighten the experience by attaching the officers’ Tasers to my nipples?

8. If I put on the officer's Kevlar vest, would this still be considered “unprotected sex”?

7. How will being known as the guy who’ll do it anywhere affect my social life in prison? 

6. Will doing it so close to the cop’s big, black night stick make me feel inadequate?

5. Is there a police code for sex in the back of a squad car and if there isn't, shouldn't it be a 10-69?

4. Will doing it doggie style make the K9 officer jealous?

3. What are the chances that a woman willing to do it in the backseat of a squad car doesn't have more viruses than a Liberian Petri dish?

2. Since this is Oconto County, is it wrong for me to be doing this with a woman who isn’t even my sister?

1. Will this leave a stain on my permanent record and/or the backseat upholstery?
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:27 am Comment On This Post

oct 2nd 2014


THINGS GREG JENNINGS DOESN’T MISS ABOUT PLAYING IN GREEN BAY  

10. Walking past a trophy case that isn’t as empty as a Kardashian brain cavity.

9. Expending all that energy that comes with celebrating the catching of touchdown passes.

8. The sheer boredom of having the ball thrown to him damn near every week by the same quarterback.

7. Playing alongside running backs who don’t make Michael Jackson’s dad look like Father of the Year.

6. Having to play games after the end of December.

5. Not playing for an owner who seems shadier than a picnic spot in Redwood National Park.

4. Not wearing a uniform that looks like Barney the Dinosaur splooged all over him.  

3. The fresh and clean feeling from a good Packer brainwashing.  

2. Watching BJ Raji scrubbing his taint during post-game shower.

1. Having to use two hands to count a single season’s wins.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:46 am Comment On This Post

sep 24th 2014


REASONS SO MANY AREA ACCIDENTS TUESDAY MORNING

10. People coming south from Green Bay and North from Oshkosh not sure how to drive on rare section of highway 41 not currently under construction.

9. In hind sight, replacing  concrete and asphalt on stretches of state highways with Teflon slathered in Wesson oil perhaps not the best idea.

8. With summer officially over, Wisconsin drivers confused driving on highways that are suddenly no longer filled with speeding, tailgating FIBS weaving in and out of traffic.

7. Many people driving with disregard for their own lives since the pending onslaught of 2014 campaign ads has sapped them of their will to live.

6. Lots of area residents preparing for the trip home from Oktoberfest chose Tuesday morning to start practicing their drunken driving.

5. Chain reaction accident caused by Mayor of Green Bay not being able to see over the dashboard while driving without his booster seat.

4. Too many people trying to drive while using their smart phones to search for pictures of the supposed three breasted woman.

3. Scads of people lost control of their vehicles at the same time lunging for their radios to turn up the 199Ride.com guy so they wouldn't miss a single word.

2. Folks were just rushing to get to work before the snow fall after seeing commercial with Scott Walker in that hole and mistakenly thinking that if he crawled out and saw his shadow it meant winter would arrive six weeks early.

1. One driver actually used their turn signal and confused the hell out of everyone else on the road.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:40 am Comment On This Post