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may 22nd


May 12th City of Manawa
Someone from the Police Department in Rolla, Missouri, called the Waupaca County Sheriff's Deaprtment and reported receiving a call from a Manawa couple that used to have a dog that sang and danced. The couple requested assistance because the dog...no longer sings and dances.

May 14th City of New London
A caller at ThedaCare Physicians on Mill Street notified the sheriff’s department of a man calling, threatening he will come to the clinic, strangle a particular employee, cut off his privates and shove them inside of said employee. Caller believes this is because they will not give him Vicodin.

May 12th City of Waupaca
A caller on North Washington Street reported people are in her house and she doesn’t know who they are. She thinks they may be high on drugs. The night before, the same people may have been at the house partying with the caller’s boyfriend, while she was not home. The caller said she woke up to a girl petting her.

May 5th City of Waukesha
Police removed a man from the YMCA after he told a room full of children and others that he and his new girlfriend were "on a seven-day sex spree" and he just needed to tell someone about it.

May 8th City of Waukesha
A woman told police that she was bitten by a snake and now thought it was inside her body. When officers arrived, the woman clarified that she wasn't sure it it was a snake though she wasn't in pain and refused medical attention.

May 12th City of Elm Grove
A man of undisclosed age was cited for disorderly conduct. According to police, while pulling weeds in his yard, the man’s pants and underwear were pulled down to the top of his legs with his buttocks completely exposed.

May 15th City of Wisconsin Rapids
Police were called to the Kwik-Trip where a man and woman were working together to try to steal a muffin.

May 15th City of Beaver Dam
A resident called police and reported seeing four people wearing clown masks and riding around on tricycles.
posted by: Rick and Len at 11:43 am Comment On This Post

may 15th


May 10th City of Appleton
Police responded to a Marquette Street address where a man was reportedly rolling around on the lawn and smacking himself.

May 9th City of Green Bay
A Manitowoc Road resident called police to report that their neighbor came into their home and told them to stop arguing.

May 13th City of DePere
Police responded to Voyager Park after receiving a report of a man yelling at a pole.

May 9th City of New London
A caller told police that she was trying to sell a piece of property and every time a potential buyer comes to see the property, her neighbor comes out and yells at the buyers that they shouldn’t buy the property and tells them that it's on a landfill.

April 25th City of Neenah
A caller on South Commercial Street reported stopping at a gas station and when she went to go in, the door was locked. The open sign indicated the store was open, and she saw a male sitting behind the counter. The male didn't look at her when she attempted to open the door. Police made contact with the employee, who told them he locks the door when he goes to the bathroom and forgot to unlock it when he was done going to the toilet.

May 11th City of Shawano
Police received a report of a woman standing at the end of the road on Estates Lane and shaking her keys at the woods. The caller told police they believe it was the same woman who was shaking her keys at the woods the previous day as well.

May 3rd City of Franklin
A 47-year-old woman was taken into custody for repeatedly banging on her neighbor’s door and ringing the doorbell at about 3:20am. According to police, the woman just wanted her neighbor to give her a cigarette.

May 6th City of Baraboo
Officers responded to a report of a group of children digging what was described as "a very large hole" in volleyball court sand.

May 9th Village of Pewaukee
A man called police to report that he had been using the bathroom at Kwik Trip and he thought a man next to him was using his cell phone camera to take a picture of the caller's penis. The caller gave police the suspect's license plate. When officers contacted the man, he said he hadn't taken any pictures and proved it by allowing officers to examine the photos on his phone.

May 2nd Village of Brown Deer
A 15-year-old girl was cited for disorderly conduct after she “stabbed” another female student with a pencil at the middle school. The girl was reportedly angry because the other girl “kicked a friend’s chair.”

May 10th City of Wisconsin Rapids
A woman called police and reported a man standing in the road, pounding on his chest and yelling. The man threw off his shirt and walked down the middle of the street. Confronted police, the man put his shirt back on and told officers he would behave himself. Moments later, the man took his shirt off again and began walking back down the middle of the road. Police arrested the man.

May 4th Village of Germantown
A resident reported that while he was at his dental appointment someone entered his Toyota tundra and absconded with $.75 in change.

March 20th Village of Jackson
A caller reported that a man holding a crowbar was yelling and shouting outside the hardware store. Officers located the 51-year-old man and found that the “crowbar” was actually a guitar stand. The man explained that he needed to buy clamps to repair it, and was yelling and shouting because the hardware store had closed early.

May 14th City of Baraboo
A driver told police he narrowly avoided hitting a pig that jumped out of a truck and almost landed on his vehicle.
posted by: Rick and Len at 11:00 am Comment On This Post

may 12th


We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Show Weenie of the Week…Carrie Bernard, the 37-year-old Milwaukee woman who was arrested this past week on suspicion of her 3rd DUI. According to a sheriff’s deputy, when she pulled her over, Bernard had her 8-year-old son on her lap, making him steer the car because she was allegedly too drunk to do so herself.

As the deputy approached the car, the 8-year-old boy reportedly began to cry and said, "I don't want to go to jail, Mommy." Bernard responded by slurring, "You're not going to jail. Just remember her face”, referencing the deputy. “She's the one that did this to us”.

When the deputy asked Bernard to step out of the vehicle, she reportedly refused -- rolling up her window and locking the doors.

So,

For being such a horrible mother, she probably breast fed the kid through a straw.

For exhibiting such bad parenting, putting the kid is foster care at Casey Anthony’s might be an improvement.

And for making the kid sit on her lap and drive while she’s drunk which is the most inappropriate thing a mother can do with that area of her body shy of using it to feed peanut butter to her kid’s dog.

We are proud to name Carrie Bernard, the Milwaukee mom busted for having his 8-year-old kid steer her car because she was allegedly too drunk to drive as this week's Rick and Len Show....WEENIE OF THE WEEK!

posted by: Rick and Len at 10:20 am Comment On This Post

may 8th


May 1st City of Wisconsin Rapids
A resident called police to report that someone on social media claiming to be Osama Bin Laden was threatening to bomb the caller's home.

April 23rd City of Neenah
A caller on Parkside Court reported seeing someone in a vehicle throw garbage out his car window. The caller confronted the subject and told him to pick up the garbage, which he did. When the man left, the caller stated they saw him throw the garbage out the window again. An officer spoke with the driver who admitted he threw the garbage out the window the first time, but that he did not throw it out again. He was warned for littering.

April 24th City of Sheboygan
A resident on Rowe Road called police to report a man had kicked his door repeatedly. When he answered the door, the kicker said he was "chasing the devil" and then left.

April 24th City of Neenah
A Briggs Lane resident called police and reported someone rang their doorbell and left a large, orange traffic barrel on the front porch.

May 2nd City of Sheboygan
A bus driver called police to report a traffic backup caused by the line of people out the door and into the street waiting to buy one dollar subs at Jimmy John's.

April 24th City of Greenfield
Police responded after a caller reported a woman was lying on the sidewalk at about 1:50pm. The woman told the officer she was lying on the sidewalk because she was frustrated that her toilet was continuously running. The officer fixed the woman's toilet.

April 26th City of Menominee Falls
A man was taken into custody for disorderly conduct for allegedly pointing a knife at a female coworker at a healthcare office. The victim told police the man picked up a folding knife on his desk, pointed it at her and told her to get away from him after she asked him, “How ya doin?”.

April 27th City of Brookfield
Police were called to the high school where 2 17-year-old boys who had been bantering with one another before it eventually escalated to striking each other with badminton racquets.

April 26th City of Antigo
Officers responded to a call from a resident reporting that his neighbor dumped around 200 dead fish on his property. The neighbor may be cited for fishing without a license.

April 24th City of Fox Point
Police were called after two men at a pharmacy were seen stuffing bars of Irish Spring down their pants.

April 19th City of Waukesha
A man called at 6:44pm to complain to police that his downstairs neighbor was "whistling too loudly". The man was not whistling when police arrived but officers advised him of appropriate noise levels when whistling.

April 25th City of Wisconsin Rapids
Officers responded to a domestic disturbance that occurred because of an argument about air conditioning.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:43 am Comment On This Post

may 5th


We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Show Weenie of the Week…Sterling Rachwal who this week was arrested this time in Brown County for again molesting horses.

It’s Rachwal’s umpteenth arrest for horse humping in the last 24 years.

So,

For apparently,  when someone told him if he was horny, thinking he should go to a whore’s house that they said he should go to a HORSE house.

For sowing his wild oats with something that actually eats wild oats.

And for not realizing that since he’s sexually attracted to horses, he should just done what Teressa Heinz did and married John Kerry.

We are proud once again name Sterling Rachwal as this week's Rick and Len Show...WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:09 am Comment On This Post

may 3rd


Noted area horse humper Sterling Rachwal is back in the news. He was booked Monday on recommended charges of Mistreatment of Animals/Cause Death; Sexual Gratification with an Animal; and Burglary. By my count, this is at least his 4th arrest on similar charges over the last 24 years. It seems to me, you might want to STOP RELEASING HIM! Here's some guidelines to consider...

If his idea of "horsing around" involves actual horses… you might want to keep him locked up.

If he watches the Kentucky Derby like most people watch Porn Hub… you might want to keep him locked up.

If he has had his hand in more horses than an Amish mechanic…you might want to keep him locked up.

If when he says he likes to "do the pony", he's not talking about the 60s-dance craze... you might want to keep him locked up.

If just looking at a bottle of glue gives him a boner… you might want to keep him locked up.

If when he says he's "really going to give it to the mare", he's heading to a stable, not City Hall… you might want to keep him locked up.

If he has ever stood naked and aroused in front of a horse yelling "it's a carrot! It's a carrot!” … you might want to keep him locked up.

And if his collection of My Little Pony dolls seems unusually sticky… you definitely want to keep him locked up.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:34 am Comment On This Post

may 2nd


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posted by: Rick and Len at 9:10 am Comment On This Post

may 1st



April 27th Town of Grand Chute
Police were called to Denny's where one customer allegedly threw a paper airplane at another customer. The paper airplane reportedly struck the other customer in the foot. The paper airplane thrower has been permanently banned from this Denny's.

April 23rd City of Greenfield
Police responded a report of 180 oxycodone pills stolen from a residence. The resident told police he was waiting for a “lady friend” to come over and join him in the shower when the theft occurred. Later the man admitted "a hooker he knew only as 'Brittany'" stole the pills. The man told police he paid $100 for Brittany’s services the day before, and she offered to come back the next day and join him in the shower. After the resident got into the shower the woman came into his home, stole his pills and left.

April 21st City of Weyauwega
A woman called the police to report her minister is "spiritually harassing her". As a result, the woman finds that after she leaves her church, "weird things happen."

April 12th City of Waupaca
A resident called police and reported that someone entered his wife’s unlocked vehicle and stole their store-bought Easter egg coloring kits.

April 22nd City of Clintonville
Please received a call from a woman reporting that someone put a soda can over her TV antenna so the TV would no longer work.

April 15th City of Waukesha
Police were called after a 4-or 5-year-old boy reportedly harassed a group of teenagers by grabbing one and swearing at the others.

April 15th City of Waukesha
Following complaints from the staff, police physically removed a couple from the House of Hospitality.

April 20th City of Franklin
Police cited a 61-year-old woman for trying to hit people with a broom.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:11 am Comment On This Post

apr 28th


We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Show Weenies of the Week…the Chicago Bears who Thursday night at the NFL Draft traded away 4 picks to move up ONE spot in the draft. ONE spot. ONE! All so they could pick quarterback Mitch Trubisky.

This despite the fact that it was considered pretty unlikely that the 49er’s, with whom they switched places, were even interested in the UNC QB. What's more, this comes just 6 weeks after the Bears signed some other stooge to a $45 million dollar contract to be their starting QB.

Some Bears fans are saying this won’t look so stupid if Trubisky turns out to become an elite quarterback. Doesn’t matter. He could be the second coming of Dan Marino wrapped in beer and bacon, The Bears still GAVE UP 3 draft picks they likely DIDN'T NEED TO GIVE UP to get him.

So,

For making a move so ridiculous, it probably even put a smile on Jay Cutler’s resting bitch face.

For being responsible for a 1st round draft shocker almost as surprising as learning ESPN still has any people left to cover it.*

And for squandering three picks and demonstrating the only way they could have looked like bigger idiots is if they had used that 2nd overall to choose Aaron Hernandez.

We are proud to name the Chicago Bears as this week’s Rick and Len Show…WEENIES OF THE WEEK.

(*Addendum: Speaking of the ESPN firings…they laid off about a 10th of their staff this week. What I find amazing about that is that 100 of the most talented people in sports broadcasting now have no jobs while and over at FOX, Joe Buck still has 3!)
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:26 am Comment On This Post

apr 21st

We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…the man who attacked an Appleton Yellow Cab outside the city’s transit center early Sunday evening. The man, who has still not been identified, reportedly came running up the street before launching himself at the taxi smashing the windshield, caving in the hood and denting the roof.

By the time the man finished flailing around and punching the vehicle he also reportedly tore off the cab’s antenna and its driver side mirror. Police speculated the man was “on something”.

Damn right, he was on something. He was ON the hood of the taxi. So,

For being responsible for downtown Appleton’s biggest smash since The Lion King was at the Performing Art Center.

For leaving the taxi’s windshield with more cracks than a national plumber’s convention.

And for not realizing that if he just wanted to attack something that was yellow, he should have gone after the urine soaked streets of Fond du Lac.

We are proud to name as the guy who attacked an Appleton Yellow Cab Sunday night as this week's Rick and Len Show...Weenie of the Week!
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:15 am Comment On This Post

apr 17th


April 4th City of Racine
Police were called to the public library where a 49-year-old man had borrowed a copy of the movie The Bodyguard and was watching it on his laptop. After a library employee spotted an open beer can he was informed he could not drink beer in library. The man became upset and stormed out of the library taking with him his laptop with the library's DVD of The Bodyguard still inside. Officers were dispatched and located the man fleeing on his orange bicycle. As the man got off of his bike the DVD copy of The Bodyguard fell to the ground. Police recovered the DVD and returned it to the library and the man was arrested for theft.

April 13th City of Green Bay A caller notified police that her sister is going to cause a disturbance at Parkside Animal Care Center on Military because she is mad that her cat was taken to the vet and she didn't want it to be taken to the vet.

March 26th City of Greenfield
Police arrested the manager of a McDonald’s after her supervisor reported she was allegedly authorizing refunds for Big Macs and then keeping the money. Between mid-January and March 24th, the woman reportedly kept refunds amounting to $3,827.17, the cost of 1,071 Big Macs.

April 4th City of St. Francis
Officers were called to an apartment where a 35-year-old woman told police that she had received phone calls she believed were from actor Kiefer Sutherland. The woman was advised it was a scam and to ignore the calls.

April 1st City of Waukesha
An anonymous caller notified police of a homeless person sleeping in the park. Responding officers found the man was not homeless. He was just drunk, laying on the baseball diamond and "enjoying the weather". Police allowed the drunk man to continue enjoying the unseasonably warm conditions.

April 9th City of Waukesha
Police subdued a man with a Taser after an anonymous person reported he and a woman were having sex in the bathroom of the public library. The man reportedly requested transportation to the hospital because he "couldn't feel his ankle or toes" after the Taser shock.

April 13th City of Beaver Dam
A woman called police to complain that McDonald's would not serve her. A responding officer talked to McDonald's employee who explained they didn't serve the woman because she was trying to walk through the drive-through.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:38 am Comment On This Post

apr 14th


We are proud to name as this Week’s Rick and Len Show Weenie of the Week…the manager of Wal-Mart in Waukesha who reportedly fired an 88-year-old man (pictured above) who had worked there as a greeter for eight years because he didn’t notify management fast enough that a turkey had walked into the store. The victim says he was only told to greet people. He was never given instructions on what to do if a turkey walked into the store.

So,

For firing an 88-year-old man over something ridiculous which makes me think they’re just trying to get some of that sweet, sweet free publicity United Airlines got this week. (At least Wal-Mart didn’t knock the man down and forcibly drag him out of the store by his feet.)

For allowing shoppers with sketchy pasts wearing nothing but undersize My Little Pony pajama tops, a pair of flip-flops and a tampon but drawing the line at a well behave member of the grouse family with a fleshy wattle and colorful snood. What have you got against wattles and snoods, Wal-Mart?

And for firing a guy so old the only thing in the store lower than their prices are his testicles.

We are proud to name the manager of Wal-Mart in Waukesha who reportedly fired an 88-year-old greeter for letting a turkey walk into the store as this week's Rick and Len Show ...WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:34 am Comment On This Post

apr 13th


Yesterday Mayor Schmitt encouraged people to start bragging about Green Bay to inspire more folks and businesses to move to the city. Well, here we go...

THINGS GREEN BAY HAS TO BRAG ABOUT

10. With practice, several residents are now able to utter the words “Honorable Mayor Jim Schmitt” without giggling.

9. Might be the only city in America where “that one place they almost put a Wal-Mart” passes as a tourist attraction.

8. Is home to five professionally run TV stations and NBC 26.

7. The IQ’s of city council members are in triple digits… combined, obviously.

6. Is now using the money you were over-taxed on the stadium to replace lead pipes so water no longer leaves as bad a taste in your mouth as being over-taxed on the stadium.

5. Will soon be opening a new Air B&B property in the Stadium District that can accommodate up to 28 people all inside one of Tom Milbourn’s old hats.

4. Last year, the city had fewer impromptu clown rap group related amateur finger amputations than Suamico.

3. None of the people injured in last year's Zippin Pippin accident permanently lost the use of their pippins.

2. Is almost 20% more happenin’ than Hobart!

1. Is home to legendary sportscaster Larry McCarren and his pinky fingers which, compared to the mayor, don’t seem THAT crooked.

posted by: Rick and Len at 10:28 am Comment On This Post

apr 10th


March 29th Village of Germantown
Police contacted a resident after hey staff member at his clinic reported the resident stated he was going to “load up on ammo” after not being able to receive his medication. The resident informed police that he told staff he was going to “load up on gumbo,” not ammo.

March 26th City of Neenah
A Mulberry Lane caller told police that someone smeared fecal matter on various items in his house and a window was broken a week ago, but he just finally got around to reporting it. Officers found the call unfounded, as were previous calls from the same caller.

March 13th City of Menasha
A female on Manitowoc Road called police because her daughter would not let her out of her room because she would not give the girl her a phone charger. The caller wanted the juvenile removed from the house as she did not feel safe but was told by police that that was not an option. Neither party was willing to leave the house, and both parties were unruly and began to yell and scream at officers.

March 31st City of Waukesha
A woman told police her local cab driver was driving recklessly before he dropped her off. The woman said that the driver nearly struck a semi-truck and when she asked him to slow down he reportedly responded by telling her about baseball cards.

March 12th City of Appleton
An officer noticed a Pontiac sedan parked for a second night in a portion of a lot that doesn't allow parking. The car appeared to be unoccupied, but an officer found a couple in the back seat. The man told the officer they go to the park for “cuddle time” since their residences are full of kids.

March 28th City of Brookfield
A 19-year-old man was taken into custody for disorderly conduct after being seen defecating on playground equipment.

March 29th City of Waukesha
A woman told police she found a "smelly bag of drugs" in a used car she purchased from a car dealer. When officers arrived at the woman's home in they discovered the bag was full of...mothballs not "smelly drugs".

March 6th City of Wisconsin Rapids
A woman called the police to report someone dumped chocolate milk on her car and now...the electric window does not work.

March 27th City of Waukesha
An anonymous caller reported seeing a woman standing at the side of the road screaming "come and get some of this" to passing vehicles. The woman did not appear to be injured or in distress when officers arrived and just walked back into her residence without speaking to them.

April 3rd City of Wisconsin Rapids
A caller told police he found an intoxicated man who said he was lost. A local taxi company said they would not give the man a ride because he got upset and started yelling at the driver when the driver wouldn't let him bring his open beer in the cab.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:59 am Comment On This Post

apr 7th


We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Show Weenies of the Week…members of the Appleton City Council who are now entering their sixth month of being unable to come to a decision about goddamn chickens. That’s right. Since October the Appleton City Council has been dicking around with whether or not to allow people to raise chickens in the city limits.

I personally don’t care either way. I don't have a hen in this race. But I am sick to death about hearing about frickin’ chickens. Doesn’t the city council have more important business to deal with? I thought we settled the frickin’ chicken controversy 4 years ago when the City Council also wasted 6 months on the same damn question. Six months then. Now, another six months. That means that the Appleton City Council has spent one year of the last 4 puzzling over their pointless paltry poultry problem.

So,

For proving that when it comes to making touch decisions they're just....chicken.

For spending more time discussing chickens in their meeting than even the board of directors of KFC.

And for not realizing that when it comes to chickens there needs to be a time when you gotta have the nuggets to make a tough call.

We are proud to name the Appleton City Council who can’t make up their minds about frickin’ chickens as this week’s Rick and Len Show…WEENIES OF THE WEEK!
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:36 am Comment On This Post

apr 3rd


10. Replacing the Star-Spangled Banner with Who Let the Dogs Out.

9. Putting naked pictures of Rosie O'Donnell on the five-dollar bill.

8. Establishing a 75% tax on beer, bacon and fudge.

7. Replacing the eagle as our national symbol with the talking mucus from the Musinex commercials.

6. Enacting strict truth in advertising law for guys on dating sites claiming to have large wieners.

5. Authorizing funding to add likeness of O.J. Simpson to Mount Rushmore.

4. Passing a law that requires the chunks in chunky peanut butter be something other than peanuts.

3. Approving proposal to reconfigure Washington Monument to make it look even more "penisy".

2. Mandating compulsory participation in a nationwide swear jar program to fund steep tax cuts for multi-billionaires.

1. Instituting stringent tax penalties against Apple unless they replace Siri with the voice of Joe Buck.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:43 am Comment On This Post

apr 3rd


March 30th City of Green Bay
A woman called 911 from the Blackstone Restaurant claiming her pancakes are cold, there is not enough syrup on them and not enough cheese with her eggs. She told police she wants her money back so she can go eat across the street.

March 16th City of Neenah
A Meadow Lane resident called police because her neighbor put his smoke detector on the front porch and it keeps going off, causing her dog to bark. The neighbor would not answer the door when she asked him to take his smoke detector back inside the house.

March 27th City of Green Bay
A city bus driver called the police and reported that a man driving a white truck next to the bus on University Avenue is naked from the waist down.

March 18th City of Greendale
Police were called to Wal-Mart where a heavy-set man in his 50’s was standing in the check-out line with his erect penis exposed.

March 28th City of Wisconsin Rapids
A person reported finding a wine bottle with a cloth shoved in it and liquid inside and thought it could be a Molotov cocktail. An inspection by responding officers revealed that it was a bottle with cigarette butts and water.

March 22nd City of Franklin
Police were called to Wal-Mart where a 60-year-old man was eating a box of sugar for which he had not paid.

March 24th City of Greenfield
Police received a report that a man became irate and aggressive at the U.S. Post Office. The man was apparently upset because the mail carrier at his apartment building lost the key to his building and buzzed his apartment to get inside.

March 20th City of Mequon
A 60-year-old woman was cited for her second OWI, resisting/obstruction, unreasonable speed, open intoxicants after she passed a squad car going 69 mph in a 35-mph zone. When stopped, the woman got out of her car holding a cup of beer and quickly poured it out. When asked if she’d been drinking, the woman replied, “Oh my stars and little fishes.”
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:31 am Comment On This Post

mar 31st


We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Show Weenie of the Week...the semi driver in Sheboygan County who when stopped on Saturday night told police he was being chased by…a werewolf.  While police found no evidence of a werewolf, they did find his truck was dragging a boulder.

So,

For thinking he saw a werewolf which makes me fear the only Silver Bullets he had to protect himself with were the ones from Coors he already drank.

For dragging a boulder which we can only assume was one of the rocks he had in his head.

And for thinking he saw a werewolf in Sheboygan County when we all know any self respecting werewolf would be drinking a pina cola at Trader Vic's.

We are proud to name the semi driver in Sheboygan county who this weekend claimed he was chase by a werewolf as this week's Rick and Len Show...WEENIE OF THE WEEK.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:26 am Comment On This Post

mar 27th


10. Cut municipal spending by putting the mayor’s credit card in a top drawer.

9. Have city council host a fundraising brat fry with sausages obtained from Alderman Zima’s slacks.

8. Sell hot air from council sessions to wind farm.

7. Catch the mayor and steal his pot of gold.

6. Start a city council swear jar. For convenience, allow Alderman Zima to use direct deposit.

5. Shave the mayor’s eyebrows. Sell the hair to a company that makes toupees for balding chimps.

4. Let Alderman Wery look through accounts at the bank where he works and see who can spare a little cash.

3. That fellow just raised a lot of money wheelchair-ing from Janesville. Why not break the mayor’s legs, drop him 170 miles from home and see how he does?

2. Have Mayor and members of the city council take turns in charity dunk tank filled with lukewarm elephant piss.

1. Fittingly, enact half percent sales tax on douchebags.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:40 am Comment On This Post

mar 27th


March 26th Sheboygan County
A Sheriff’s Deputy encountered a semi driver who believed he was being chased by a werewolf. The deputy found no trace of a werewolf but did discover that the semi was dragging a very large boulder. (police call)

March 13th City of Waukesha
A woman called police to report a man in a parked car near her house was listening to "sad love music" too loudly for about 90 minutes. Officers arrived and found the man listening to "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman at a slightly excessive volume.

March 12th City of Menasha
Officers were dispatched for a possible disturbance on Traders Road. Responding officers discovered the disturbance was just two brothers arguing over a necklace.

March 25th City of Columbus
Police were called after a woman at Kwik Trip punched man in face because he didn't hold door open for her.

March 11th City of Waukesha
Officers responded to a report of a domestic dispute. However, when officers arrived at the apartment, they found it was just a man and woman using a Samsung virtual reality device, and the woman had started crying after seeing a realistic video of a snake.

March 15th City of Brookfield
Police responded to a report of child abuse at Toys R Us after a man was observed pushing his son. The man told police that he had just pushed his son out of pain after the boy had hit him in the crotch for not buying him a toy.

March 9th Village of Fox Crossing
A resident on Imperial Lane called police to report finding inappropriate drawings of male genitals on his car within the past 30 minutes. The drawings were fortunately in window paint and were easily removed. The man suspected that his ex-girlfriend had done this but did not have proof. The officer spoke with the ex-girlfriend, who initially was not cooperative on the phone but a little more forthcoming when the officer visited her in person. She admitted to vandalizing the man's new girlfriend’s car but not her ex’s. The officer was able to verify her whereabouts during the time the vandalism had occurred.

March 9th City of Greenfield
A highly-intoxicated man called 911 because he was upset about being thrown out of a bar and was mad because his friend was still being served. When police arrived, the caller said his friend was supposed to drive him home and he didn’t want him to drive drunk. After being warned about the proper use of 911, one of the men walked home and the other was given a ride home by police.

March 17th Village of Pewaukee
Officers were called to a residence for a report of an argument between two people. Police learned the argument was about being “shorted” a taco at Taco Bell. The situation resulted in the two people arguing over the uneven number of tacos and who was entitled to the last one. Officers determined that both parties had been drinking and did not meet the criteria for domestic disturbance.

March 22nd City of Wisconsin Rapids
A caller reported a man walking down the street covered in mold.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:20 am Comment On This Post