A guy got tossed off both Twitter and Vine this week for posting pics of himslef having sex with a Hot Pocket. No, seriously! Why? Well....
TOP TEN REASONS TO HUMP A HOT POCKET
10. They are already filled with chicken or beef. Why not add sausage?
9. Wanted to see what it was like doing it with Lindsey Lohan so stuck his junk in the first thing he could find that was crusty and full of its own cheese.
8. Why should old socks, warm apple pies and cantaloupes with holes cut in them have all the fun?
7. He couldn’t hump a ham sandwich because he’s Jewish.
6. If he was going to hump a COLD pocket, he might as well be married.
5. Says right on the box they are “irresistibly hot” which is the same way you would describe Kate Upton, therefore having sex with a Hot Pocket is just like having sex with a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model.
4. They sort of look like a vagina…but only if you squint real hard and have only seen really deformed vaginas.
3. Trying to get back at his ex-girlfriend whom he caught in the act with a Subway Five Dollar Foot-Long.
2. If he’d humped a corn dog people would have thought he was gay.
And the number one reason for humping a Hot Pocket…
1. It’s got to be better than eating one!