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may 9th
The 137th Running of the Kentucky Dumb Asses

Racing across the porta potties at the Kentucky Derby has become a favorite pastime for drunks the last decade or so. But officials this year wanted to put an end to the debauchery and installed canopies to dissuade would-be runners.

And you know what, their plan really didn’t work. People still made valiant attempts while being pelted with beer cans and other foreign objects. Never again should you test the resolve of those who have BAC’s above the Mendoza Line.

Thankfully, the cops were there to “serve and protect” after these brave fellows had concluded their missions.