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may 14th
Why You Should Never....Ever Carry A Woman\'s Purse
So, I\'m out last night with a few friends at a local establishment.  The place is a bit crowded, rather warm and I\'m wearing my jacket.  After about 5 minutes it\'s getting quite hot and I decide I have to ditch my jacket.  I ask the lady friend of mine who I rode with for her car keys so I can stash my jacket.  She says sure and "can you put my purse in my car?" Without thinking, I say yes as I just wanted to get outside as quickly as possible.  I grab her purse in one hand, my jacket in the other and head for her car.  I take about 4 steps outside and realize what I\'m doing.  I\'m carrying a humongous saddlebag of a woman\'s purse and this goes against everything I believe in.  Not only carrying a purse, but carrying one from a woman I\'m not even having sex with.  Makes it waaaaay worse.  I pick up my pace a bit and I feel this car slow down right next to me.  A guy yells "hey buddy, is that your girlfriend\'s purse."  Already irritated with the entire situation, I say "yeah it is, you f--in, ass...." and I as I turn to face the guy I realize "oh crap."  It\'s a cop.  "Uh, sorry, sir.  I thought you were someone else.  Uhhhhh, yeah, it\'s my girlfriend\'s purse.  I\'m just taking it to her car along with my jacket."  Meanwhile, I\'ve got her keys out hitting buttons and the car\'s beeping, trunk\'s opening, lights are flashing...."This is her car right here. She\'s about 2 blocks away from here.  I can take you to her and you can ask her yourself."  He sizes me up for a second and says "forget it."

Of course the cop is thinking I must have lifted the purse.  Why else would any self-respecting man be carrying a purse so big that you could fit an entire Walgreens store in it, if he didn\'t steal it from some woman.  I, however, am not self, nor respecting.  Moral of the story is never, under any circumstances, carry a woman\'s purse.  Not your wife\'s, not your girlfriend\'s, not your mom\'s, not even you side action\'s purse.  Nothing good can ever come of it.