YOU MIGHT BE A BEARS FAN...

If your shirt is blue and orange...and your underwear is yellow and brown...you might be a Bears fan.

If you had to take a second and third job just to afford buying new jerseys every time your team has new starting quarterback...you might be a Bears fan.

If when you hear the word Butkus, you don't first think of what you had to do to your boss to get Sunday off to go to the game...you might be a Bears fan.

If you think Jay Cutler is an "elite quarterback" which is sort of like thinking Hilary Clinton is a prime piece of ass...you might be a Bears fan.

If you thought "Sexy Rexy" was a name better suited to a quarterback than a guy who makes a living at bachelorette parties in a cop uniform and a g-string...you might be a Bears fan.

If you have a mustache just like Ditka...and you’re not currently employed as a member of the Village People or the star of many successful gay porn films...you're definitely a Bears fan.

We are auctioning off these two mini helmets to benefit Children's Hospital today on the Rick and Len Show. One is a Packer mini-helmet autographed by Hall of Fame Packer great Paul Hornung. The other, a mini helmet signed by Hall of Fame Bear great Gale Sayers. Call now and place your bid on either one. Call 920-281-ROCK (7625) in Appleton, 920-271-ROCK (7625) in Green Bay, 877-453-ROCK (7625) from anywhere else.

The helmets were donated by Steve Juno From Action Awards in Appleton. Steve has also donated a bunch of other cool stuff that you'll be able to bid on next week during the Rock for Kids Radiothon. Get a preview of some of those items by clicking here.

WHAT SHOULD THEY CALL THIS SUNDAY'S PACKER BEAR GAME?

Here's some of our ideas. Not good ones. Just ideas.

10. The Shoot-out at Soldier.
9. Great Hate on a Great Lake.
8. Animosity in the NFC.
7. McCarthy's Marauders Versus Lovie's Losers.
6. The Pack Plays a Team You Should Pity in the Ol' Windy City.
5. Scorn and Derision In the NFC North Division.
4. Guys From Green Bay Verses the Midgets of the Midway.
3. The Pack Plays Some Talentless Tossers in a Stadium That Looks Like a Cheap Flying Saucer.
2. The Head On Collision On a Field in Crappy Condition.
1. The Battle on the Shores of Lake Michigan Where Matthews Will Make Jay Cutler His Bitch Again.

Spell much?

REASONS BEARS ARE EXCITED TO BE FACING THE PACKERS IN THE NFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME.

10. Jay Cutler has chance of breaking record set by former Packer Brett Favre...for most tears shed by a Quarterback.

9. Chicago players secretly love The Bears Still Suck Polka know they’ll get to hear it after getting their asses handed to them.

8. Having faced Green Bay so many times in the last 7 years, most Packer players barely even giggle anymore when the Bears' coach is introduced as "Lovie".

7. Jay Cutler excited to face Tramon Williams because he loves a man who will fight to get his hands on his balls.

6. Just glad they have to face Aaron Rogers and not some Pro-Bowl quality quarterback like Matt Ryan or Michael Vick.

5. Bears are a little light on punt returners and if this game goes like the Atlanta game, they won't even have to use them.

4. Thought Falcons would be the tougher teams because the Bears have no falcon clue.

3. Having been dead 26 years, George Halas is probably kind of stiff and his Bears getting spanked by the Packers at home in the NFC championship game should be just incentive he needs to turn over in his grave.

2. Given Brian Urlacher's history of reportedly banging Paris Hilton, he'll no doubt enjoy watching another long haired blond, this one wearing the number 52, bang the hell out of his quarterback.

1. When all is said and done, they'd just rather have their asses kicked by somebody they know.

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Weenie of the Week...the guy who tried to pick me (Rick) up Thursday morning on my way to work. If you missed the story, I was walking down the street at 4am when I stopped at the corner for a red light. Despite having a green light himself, the driver of a car at the intersection wildly gestured at me to go. I walked across the street, turning to give him a thankful courtesy nod, when he rolled down his window and yelled "Hey girl! Can I give you a ride somewhere?" "Hey girl?" Are you f'n kidding me? You think I'm a woman? I may not be an attractive man but even on my best day, I look worse than Brandi Favre's mug shot.

So,

For driving a car when he apparently has such poor vision, he'd be better off sliding over to the passenger seat and letting Stevie Wonder take the wheel.

For having as bad a taste in "women" as the Chicago Bears have traditionally had in quarterbacks.

And for trying to pick up people he thinks are women at 4am in the middle of January on the streets of Appleton, Wisconsin which must have a rate of success akin to that of a sturgeon spearer in the Mojave Desert.

We are proud to name the guy who tried to pick me up yesterday morning as this week's Rick and Len Show...WEENIE OF THE WEEK.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJppP9KlWbk

He beat 9 other comics in our area's regional competition for the Laughing Skull Comedy Festival held at the Skyline Comedy Cafe a couple months ago. Now, he's back and headlining. It's Tim Harmsten. He'll join us on the Rick and Len Show Friday morning at 8. Make your damn reservations at 902-734-JOKE (5653).

Hell, tonight is WAPL Night and you get 2 for 1 admission! (Make sure you remind them when you call!) Plus, R&L Show fave Kjell Bjorgen is also on the bill!!!!!

NEXT FAVRE FAMILY SCANDAL

10. Sister found locked in Charlie Sheen's closet.

9. Lindsey Lohan and Amy Winehouse found in Brandi Favre's bathtub.

8. Brett appears on Dr. Phil after being found standing on side of highway with cardboard sign that reads "I have god given gift of a golden arm and have fallen on hard times".

7. Sex tape found. Which, since he's from Mississippi, requires the participation of at least one first cousin and/or barnyard animal.

6. Brett arrested shoplifting magnifying lens for camera phone.

5. Sister claims she thought meth in bathtub was just chewing gum.

4. Phone call from Deanna to Brett after she learned about his penis texts make Mel Gibson sound like Mr. Rogers.

3. After being dropped by Wrangler, Brett signs lucrative endorsement deal with Enzyte. ("This is Brett. Brett is doing well. Very well indeed. Brett realized that he could have something better in his life. And what did he get? A big boost of confidence. A little more self esteem. And a very happy misses at home".)

2. Pee Wee Herman tells tabloids Brett actually injured his shoulder giving him a hand in a movie theater.

1. Brother finds lost hikers. Tells one with "purdy mouth" to squeal.

Sorta safe for work video trailer for The Simpson's porn film.


http://www.aintitcool.com/node/48027

We're not the only ones looking forward to Saturday night's game. Here's what some celebrities will be doing for the Packer-Falcon play-off game.

CHARLIE SHEEN: Is installing a television in the closet so his hooker doesn't have to miss the game.

JULIAN ASSANGE: Will skip the game in favor of spending his time leaking the Falcon play book.

BRETT FAVRE: Will attend a tailgate party before the game where, by force of habit, he will text a picture of one of the brats to Jenn Sterger.

TIGER WOODS: Who is a big Falcon fan, will spend Saturday night Falcon some cocktail waitress.

SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE JOHN BOEHNER: Will attend the game where he will keep both teams hydrated by weeping into their water buckets.

THE OCTOMOM: Is planning to attend the game, just in case the teams need an extra tunnel to run out of.

ARIZONA SHOOTER JARED LEE LOUGHNER: Will spend Saturday night working to make his case that he is not mentally competent by watching something else because you’d have to be crazy to miss this game.

RICHARD SIMMONS: Will spend the game slathering his testicles in Wesson oil while imagining it's his balls slipping through James Jones' fingers.

THINGS MIKE MCCARTHY IS SAVING THAT TIME OUT FOR THAT HE DIDN'T USE AT THE END OF THE FIRST HALF.

10. Was planning to use it to prolong a post play-off victory boink with Mrs. McCarthy.

9. May call it during a broadcast of Mike McCarthy Show when Larry McCarren starts getting too "handsy".

8. Hoping he can use it to get some sun during second half of blow out against Atlanta.

7. Is planning to use it during the off-season to take a break from co-authoring the book Time Clock Management for Dummies with Bret Bielema.

6. Wanted to save it to use getting a rabies shot just in case the decision not to use it came back to bite him in the ass.

5. Will use it at a later date when he needs time to slip out and pick up more butter for James Jones' fingers.

4. There is no Number 4. James Jones dropped it.

3. Is giving it to the Bears just in case one of their assistant coaches wants to call it an inopportune time.

2. Is saving it in case they make it to the Super Bowl, so he has time to call Brett Favre and say "na na na na na".

1. Is planning to sell it on the black market to some other NFL coach who actually knows how to use it.

January 6th City of Stevens Point
Two people were arrested after an argument at China Wok. A 22-year-old man who was dining at the restaurant reported that a 27-year-old woman threw water on him, hit his head with a glass yu7man and his friend were making derogatory comments about the waitresses and when she told them to stop, the man hit her in the head with a fortune cookie and called her a "stinky bitch".

December 26th City of Green Bay
Police responded to a report from a Hubbard Street residence where an intruder had broken in, stole about a $1000 in merchandise, watched TV and cooked and ate a frozen pizza.

December 22nd City of Green Bay
An officer who found a man lying near the entrance of Anderson, Tackman & Company on Cherry Street with open intoxicants, gave the man the choice of receiving a citation or relinquishing his 11 remaining cans of beer. The man chose to take the citation.

January 3rd City of Beaver Dam
A male Pizza Hut delivery driver reported that a 20-year-old man on South Lincoln Avenue came to the door naked to get his pizza, and then invited the driver to return to the residence after he was done working.

December 13th City of Neenah
A Higgins Avenue woman reported that her husband left their house to go for a walk about 8pm and had not returned by 11:30pm. Policed located the man about 1am at a tavern. He was OK and declined a ride home.

January 6th city of Shawano
Police were called to Wal-Mart where a man who was passing out CDs to shoppers suddenly changed his mind and wanted them all back.

January 4th City of Portage
An Associated Bank employee called police to report someone had two carnation flowers were duct-taped to the outside of a door to a storage room.


December 29th City of Brookfield
Police were called to Brookfield Central High School where a 14-year-old boy was allegedly throwing candy at a basketball game.

December 29th City of Greenfield
A South 69th Street resident called police to report that during the night or early that morning, someone had thrown two hot dogs on their driveway.

Still more of Staypuft's Big Easy Adventure...


Staypuft narrowly avoids getting toasted during the Christmas Eve bonfires on the levees.


Staypuft gets in a sticky situation with local law enforcement.


Staypuft shares a drink with a fellow traveler.


Staypuft with New Orelans music superstar Trombone Shorty who is nominated for 3 2011 Grammy Awards.


Staypuft on stage performing with Glen David Andrews.

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Weenie of the Week...a highly intoxicated woman who early Saturday morning, flagged down a cop on Main Street in Winneconne and asked him to give her a ride to Omro. The officer refused and instead, drove the woman to her home. Once at her home, the woman called 911 to ask for a cop to take her to Omro. An officer went to her home to tell her to stop calling 911 unless she had a real emergency. The drunken woman responded by calling 911 FIVE more times to ask for a ride to Omro.

So,

For being more persistent than a porn star's herpes.

For calling 911 more frequently than Zsa Zsa Gabor calls Life Alert.

And for dialing 911 so many times she's lucky they didn't take her to jail...couldn't be any worse than going to Omro.

We are proud to name the Winneconne woman who kept calling 911 to get a ride to Omro as this week's Rick and Len Show...WEENIE OF THE WEEK!

Chinaman returns for another visit with Rick and Len this morning. Don't miss him tonight or tomorrow night at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton. Chinaman usually sells out, so don't wait to make your reservations at 920-734-JOKE (5653).


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0y_-iqAiro

Staypuft's adventures in New Orleans continue...


Staypuft proves he likes both wieners...


...and breasts!


In search of more breasts, Staypuft finds a real deer in front of the Hustler Barely Legal Club.


While chatting with the deer, the gentlemen with the fur coat and gold teeth photo-bombed Staypuft, jumping into the pic. However, I understand he offered to help Staypuft get in a little hot water with a Swiss Miss for fifty bucks!

A website has just begun offering e-cards to send to your hook-ups after you've been diagnosed with an STD. I recently came to the conclusion that writing sympathy cards has to be one of the worst jobs in the world. However, writing, "I may have given you an sexually transmitted disease" cards may be right up my alley. Here's some of my efforts...

It was sure nice to see ya.
Now you got gonorrhea.

-or-

Guess I should have gotten rid-a-ya.
Before you contracted my Chlamydia.

-or-

I hope you enjoyed our time together.
I hope you liked the sex.
And I hope you don't wait too long
To cash in this gift certificate for Valtrex.

-or-

Better stop wearing those Daisy Dukes
And your really short shorts.
Unless you want folks to start noticing
Your newly contracted genital warts.

-or-

I’m sure you've heard of infamous woman
Known as Typhoid Mary.
Well, you better get a shot.
Before you go down in history as syphilis Larry.

-or-

Had a great time with you
Just the other day
We performed like two dancers
In some erotic ballet.
We parted happy and smiling
Our clothes in disarray.
But now my crotch has more crabs
Than a Red Lobster buffet.

-or-

I’ve got some news for you
I had a blood test.
And to be perfectly honest
The results were not the best.
But on the bright side,
You’ll never forget our time together here in Wisconsin
And you now have something in common with basketball great Magic Johnson.

-or-

Our passion lit a fire.
The flames rising high as a tree.
Our lust ignited an inferno
Like it was a thousand degrees.
Our body's smoldered together.
The blaze engulfed both you and me
Which is why you shouldn’t be surprised when it starts to burn when you pee.