A website has just begun offering e-cards to send to your hook-ups after you've been diagnosed with an STD. I recently came to the conclusion that writing sympathy cards has to be one of the worst jobs in the world. However, writing, "I may have given you an sexually transmitted disease" cards may be right up my alley. Here's some of my efforts...
It was sure nice to see ya.
Now you got gonorrhea.
Guess I should have gotten rid-a-ya.
Before you contracted my Chlamydia.
I hope you enjoyed our time together.
I hope you liked the sex.
And I hope you don't wait too long
To cash in this gift certificate for Valtrex.
Better stop wearing those Daisy Dukes
And your really short shorts.
Unless you want folks to start noticing
Your newly contracted genital warts.
I’m sure you've heard of infamous woman
Known as Typhoid Mary.
Well, you better get a shot.
Before you go down in history as syphilis Larry.
Had a great time with you
Just the other day
We performed like two dancers
In some erotic ballet.
We parted happy and smiling
Our clothes in disarray.
But now my crotch has more crabs
Than a Red Lobster buffet.
I’ve got some news for you
I had a blood test.
And to be perfectly honest
The results were not the best.
But on the bright side,
You’ll never forget our time together here in Wisconsin
And you now have something in common with basketball great Magic Johnson.
Our passion lit a fire.
The flames rising high as a tree.
Our lust ignited an inferno
Like it was a thousand degrees.
Our body's smoldered together.
The blaze engulfed both you and me
Which is why you shouldn’t be surprised when it starts to burn when you pee.