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jan 23rd


Usually to see a spanking like that you've got to go to a Fifty Shades of Gray movie.

Usually to see a shellacking like that you’ve got to refinish an antique armoire.

Usually to see a pasting like that you have to join me for my Thursday night scrapbooking class.

Usually to see a hammering like that you have to piss off Thor.

Usually to see a beating like that you gotta watch the video of that LA cop pulling over Rodney King.

Usually to see a waxing that thorough you’ve gotta stare at porn star’s cooter.

Usually the only thing you see get crushed that badly is Rick’s nuts on a narrow bike seat.

Usually the only thing you see get that thoroughly battered is a lake perch on a Friday night.

Usually the only thing that takes a licking like that is Bill Clinton’s penis.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:52 am Comment On This Post

jan 20th



We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Show Weenie of the Week…28-year-old Kyle Bennin of Sheboygan. Last Thursday, he says he snorted a line of heroin, and then not being able to get the taste of the heroin out of his mouth, Bennin reportedly snorted crystal methamphetamine and went for a walk, at which point he saw a vehicle running in a driveway with no one around. Bennin told officers he "thought to himself that maybe this was the adventure he was looking for" and took the vehicle, but later got it stuck in the snow.

Bennin was arrested, charged with a misdemeanor and released.

Later that night, apparently still looking for “adventure”, Bennin reportedly damaged an Alliant Energy electrical box at an apartment building causing a power outage because he “gets a bad vibe from that building and thought that there may be vampires or a pedophile inside.”

Still, he wasn’t done looking for “adventure”. About 1am, Bennin knocked on a woman’s apartment door, while reportedly fondling himself. Bennin admitted to touching himself and told police the meth increases his libido and “kind of made him go off the rails.”

So,

For allegedly stealing a car, causing a power outage and fondling himself for an unwilling audience…all of which he meth-took for adventure.

For actions leading me to believe that the electrical box at that blacked out apartment wasn't the only thing in this story not hooked up right.

For apparently trying to protect Sheboygan from “vampires and pedophiles” begging the question, where are the vampires and pedophiles to protect Sheboygan from Kyle Bennin?

We are proud to name alleged meth head, car thief, vandal and public self-fondler Kyle Bennin of Sheboygan as this week's Rick and Len Show... WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:27 am Comment On This Post

jan 19th


INAUGURATION DRINKING GAME

Every time President Trump mentions the wall, drink a shot of tequila since I’m guessing the price on that stuff is going to be going way up real soon.

Whenever they show the President’s sons, Eric and Donald Jr, in their honor, drink two shots…of Bryl-Creem.

If the new President takes the oath of office on a miniature bible to make his right hand look bigger...drink a beer out of mug so enormous that it makes your hands look just as tiny as his.

If President Trump eschews using a bible and instead takes the oath of office with his right hand on Vladamir Putin’s left nipple…chug a whole bottle of premium Russian Vodka.

If when Hillary shows up, instead of locking her up, he just grabs her by the coochie... drink whatever you’ve got until your arms flail about like you’re the president mocking a disabled reporter.

If they show Bill and Hillary acting like a happy, loving couple... drink something that's going to taste just as good coming back up and it was going down.

Every time MS-NBC shows a shot of Chris Matthews, take a drink...of anything just to take your eyes off the TV long enough so you don’t find yourself staring at his very last Obama boner.

If you see President Trump use his inaugural speech as an opportunity to finally release his tax returns drink… a couple Red Bulls because, if you think he's going to do that, you need to wake up becuase you’re dreaming.

If the Russian hookers show up and confirm that one story, drink anything to fill your bladder with enough urine the president pays you to ruin a hotel bed.

If Kanye West interrupts the President’s speech with “Yo Donald, I'm really happy for you. I'mma let you finish, but Beyonce deserves to be president” …stop drinking, you’re going to want to clearly remember every moment of his secret service beat down.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:18 am Comment On This Post

jan 11th


December 11th Village of Omro
An anonymous caller reported a male subject walking northbound between Scott and Main Streets in the middle of the road, deviating back-and-forth. Another caller reported the man running through his yard, yelling and eating snow. Officers located the man in another yard, partially dressed, eating snow and making a snow angel. The man was transported to the hospital to stay until the controlled substance he had taken had worn off.

December 26th City of Antigo
Police received a call from a female subject requesting a ride to the store from officers to get cigarettes. Officers informed the woman that they do not do that and offered to give her the phone number for the transit system. The woman then told officers that getting the cigarettes was a matter of life or death and that if she did not get them she may end up "whacking herself". Officers told the woman she needed to get a ride from someone else.

January 4th Dane County
An employee at Ho Chunk casino called police after finding a plastic bag containing a "golf ball size amount" of heroin on the floor. Police checked surveillance camera video which revealed the plastic bag dropping out of the sweatpants of a recently arrived gambler. Officers located the gambler seated at a slot machine waiting to collect is $1500 winnings. According to the police report, "that is where his luck ran out".

December 26th City of Oak Creek
A woman was arrested after grabbing another woman’s purse out of her shopping cart in a checkout line at Pick ’n Save and then running out of the store and into a waiting cab. A security employee was able to stop the cab from leaving the lot and the woman was taken into custody. During the investigation police discovered the woman did not have any money to pay her $20 fare, so she had the driver stop at the store so she could run inside and steal a purse.

December 22nd City of Waukesha
Police received a report of a man who threatened to "shoot up" Fredrick's Hallmark Shop after a manager there refused to give him a cash refund for items he returned.

December 23rd City of Oak Creek
Police were called to an apartment complex where a man allegedly pulled a gun and threatened one of his neighbors during an argument about their loud snoring.

December 24th City of Oak Creek
A woman was taken into custody for disorderly conduct for pounding her fist on the registration counter and knocking over a Christmas tree in a motel lobby.

December 30th City of Oak Creek
Police went to Woodman's for a report that a man was bothering other customers while walking around the liquor department, opening bottles of alcohol and drinking out of them.

December 18th City of Greenfield
A Pet World employee called police and reported that a heavyset white male with a beard and a heavyset white female wearing glasses and a blue headband stole their Uromastyx (spiny-tailed lizard).

December 21st Village of Pewaukee
A woman called police to report an unknown person had decapitated her snowman.

December 22nd Village of Grafton
Police arrested a man for shoplifting after he fled a store with 28 DVDs stuffed down his pants.

January 5th Village of Oostburg
Police responded to an emergency at the Pizza Ranch where a male who accidentally used his mother's cosmetology bag, is bleeding profusely from a razor cut.

December 31st City of Antigo
A man police had been informed was driving erratically, pulled into the parking lot of the walk-in clinic and entered the emergency room. Officers were informed that the man had eaten a handful of rat poison two days earlier when he was intoxicated and looking for some candy. The man was cited for operating with a suspended license.

December 13th Village of Omro
A Larrabee Street resident called police because she said she had heard her boyfriend's car start up and move, but her boyfriend is currently out of town. Responding officers found no tracks around the boyfriend's car which was parked and covered in snow.

December 8th City of Green Bay
A woman who cut her finger slicing onions called 911 for advice.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:51 am Comment On This Post

jan 11th


REASONS RICK REALLY WANTS PACKERS TO BEAT THE COWBOYS.


10. Even if he had 50 colons, Cowboy’s owner Jerry Jones couldn’t be a bigger a-hole.

9. Even if he made the Guinness Book of World Records as the world’s largest odd-toed ungulate, Jerry Jones couldn’t be a bigger jackass.

8. Even if his parents were house flies and he fed exclusively on rotting flesh, Jerry Jones couldn’t be a bigger maggot.

7. Even if he had a long tail that could be used to make paint brushes and spewed road apples from his mouth, Jerry Jones couldn’t be a bigger horse’s ass.

6. Even if he held 500 gallons of viscous, gelatinous goo, Jerry Jones couldn’t be a bigger slime bucket.

5. Even if he was spherically shaped and made entirely of feces, Jerry Jones couldn’t be a bigger turd ball.

4. Even if he was born with a pouch designed to hold copious amounts of extraneous matter skimmed from the surface of foul, brackish water, Jerry Jones couldn’t be a bigger scumbag.

3. Even if he replaced every drop of blood in his circulatory system with vinegar and water, Jerry Jones couldn’t be a bigger douche-bag.

2. Even if he were attached to Ron Jeremy’s balls, Jerry Jones couldn’t be a bigger dick.

1. It will piss off Troy Aikman.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:34 am Comment On This Post