He said "This ain't no party, this ain't no disco... Hey, where are the virgins? Why is it so hot in here? ... Oh $#i+

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Show Weenie of the Week...Judge Phillip Kirk of Waupaca who it was revealed this week that when sentencing a 71-year-old child molester appeared to defend the man's actions because the man grew up gay in a time when coming out of the closet wasn’t an option. Judge Kirk's comments included these actual statements:

"I think that if anyone believes that in the last 10 years or 15 years all of a sudden you developed an interest in homosexuality and young boys, then I must have looked ravishing in my prom dress this year."

"No one knew there was a closet to come out of in those days. You had to be very careful, because you could have found your penis floating in the Wolf as walleye bait."

And, "I think you were born gayer than a sweet smelling jock strap."

So,

For proving that justice is not only blind, her funny bone apparently isn't working very well, either.

For not realizing that just because you're gay it doesn't make you a child molester any more than wearing a long flowing black robe to work each day makes you a drag queen.

And for making me wonder whose jock strap he's been sniffing that it smells so sweet because mine has always smelled like ass and nuts. (Maybe it was taint-ed!)

We are proud to name Judge Phillip Kirk as this week's Rick and Len Show...Weenie of the Week.

What can I tell you? John Beehner is a comic. He's funny! He's at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton through Saturday night. You can make reservations by calling 920-734-JOKE or on-line. You should mention it's WAPL Night on the phone or enter WAPL where it says "coupon" on the check-out page when ordering tickets here at the new Skyline website. And John will be joining us on-air Friday morning at 8 for fun and hijinks!

I guess that covers everything. Oh wait, I almost forgot, you should also know that John is recording his new CD during his show this week at Skyline. So if you're in the crowd, shut up and don't be a douchebag!!!!!!

The Sheboygan Chamber of Commerce has a new tourism slogan for the city and Rick and Len have the perfect radio ad for it. The campaign theme is "How do You Sheboygan?"

Yes, they've now turned "Sheboygan" into a verb.

But, as Rick and Len Show listeners know, the city on the big lake is already well know for something. That, of course, is the Weird Ass Sheboygan County Story of the Day. So it seems natural to capitalize on it, right?

Click here to hear the commercial we think they should use.

Thursday morning at about 8:50 on the Rick and Len Show we'll chat with Robert Webster, the author of Does This Mean You'll See Me Naked? Webster has been a funeral director for over 30 years and reveals some fascinating and, at times, very amusing stories from his job.

Pick up a copy of the book at your local bookstore or click here to order on-line.

April 16th City of Eau Claire
A Hair Salon owner called police to report the theft of a 4-foot tall fiberglass hand shaped like a chair covered with images of country music star Keith Urban. Keith Urban is offering a reward for the safe return to the giant fiberglass hand.

May 3rd City of Waukesha
Police responded to a report of a man running nude through the downtown area. When apprehend by police, the man promised he would not run around naked again. However, he informed officers that the voices in his head were telling him he should have sex with a horse.

April 30th City of Oshkosh
A 65-year-old man, who was playing basketball on a court on West 20th Avenue, was arrested for disorderly conduct after he began yelling and swearing obscenities at children who also were also on the basketball court.

April 24th City of Menasha
A man called police to report the theft of a large sum of money from inside of his freezer.

April 28th City of Brookfield
Five women were cited for disorderly conduct for yelling obscenities at security officers and customers in a mall. The women were upset that they were not allowed to return items to a store.

April 28th City of Beaver Dam
A man called police to report that there were teenagers standing on the sidewalk. Police informed the man that the sidewalk is public and as long as they yield to foot traffic it is legal for teenagers to stand there.

May 1st City of Oshkosh
Police issued a citation for disorderly conduct to a 36-year-old man at a South Koeller Street business after he began yelling and swearing at an employee of a business who was unable to fix his video game system.

April 30th City of Beaver Dam
A MacArthur Drive woman reported at approximately 7:00pm… a carpet was left on her front steps.

STCW UPDATE: April 24th Village of Fox Point
A concrete statue of a pig valued at $75, that two weeks ago we reported was stolen from the front steps of a residence on North Poplar Drive, has been returned . As you may recall, a note was left at the scene reading. "We have your pig. The pig will die if you call the FBI." Despite, police intervention, the concrete pig was returned intact.

An Orthodox Hasidic newspaper Photoshopped this now iconic photo of Obama in the war room during the Osama attack. Der Tzitung cut out Hillary Clinton because they said she made the photo too "sexually suggestive". Really? Hillary? I don't know about you but I think...

Hillary Clinton is about as sexually suggestive as…

Ryan Seacrest is straight.

Brett Favre is hung.

Fond du Lac sidewalks are dry.

Former governor Jim Doyle's head is hairy.

Sarah Palin is candidate for MENSA.

Zsa Zsa Gabor is ready to run a marathon.

Larry King's sack is unwrinkled.

The front row of seats at a Melissa Etheridge concert are dry.

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker is universally beloved.

A Nebraskan's stool sample is corn-free.

Osama bin Laden's skull is airtight.

Listen to The Rick and Len Show all week for your chance to win tickets to An Evening with Captain Sig and the Hillstrand Brothers from Deadliest Catch. One of our winners even gets front row seats and a meet and greet with the captains!
The captains from the hit Discovery Channel show are coming to the Fox Cities Performing arts Center Sunday, May 15th. It's an interactive show in which the guys tell stories (including some salty tales they can't put on TV) and take questions from the audience. Our own Len Nelson will moderate the show.
Click here for ticket information.

We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Show Weenie of the Week...Assistant Outagamie County Staff Attorney Kenneth Wagner who, it was revealed this week, was cited for "engaging in sexual contact for compensation" at Appleton's Heavenly Touch Massage Parlor. Wagner was busted at Heavenly Touch just a few weeks after Oshkosh assemblyman Gordon Hintz made headlines by getting cited at the same place. Wagner has since resigned his position with Outagamie County.

So,

For resigning his job, which really tugs at our heartstrings, just not as hard as the woman at Heavenly Touch apparently tugged at something else.

For proving that, unlike a session at the Heavenly Touch Massage Parlor, not every story has a happy ending.

And for doing something that left him feeling like a jerk. Which, ironically, the last time he felt like a jerk, he apparently went to the massage parlor and paid someone to do it.

We are proud to name Assistant Outagamie County Staff Attorney Kenneth Wagner as this week's Rick and Len Show...WEENIE OF THE WEEK.

Look at him! LOOK! He looks like the child Jerry and Elaine never had (his line, not ours!) And he's wonderfully funny. He's Ryan Hamilton and he returns to the Skyline Comedy Cafe and the Rick and Len Show this week.

Ryan's been named one of Rolling Stone Magazine's top five up and coming comics to watch. See for yourself at the Skyline Comedy Cafe. Hurry. Tickets are selling fast and some shows are already sold out!

Tonight is WAPL night. Get 2, that's right, 2 for 1 admission for RYAN HAMILTON tonight only at the Skyline. Just mention WAPL when you make your reservations at 920-734-JOKE or enter the letters WAPL where it says "coupon" on the check-out page when ordering tickets here at the new Skyline website.

Here Ryan in action talking about creepy babies.

Awesome stuff guys!!!

10. Helped stoke fire they're using to heat up the infinite supply of white hot pokers they’ll be sticking up is butt.

9. Had private parts slathered with gravy before being sent out to walk Satan's pit bulls.

8. Watched dinner being prepared by hell's chefs Ed Gein and Jeff Dahmer.

8. Polished chair on the right hand of Satan reserved for Dick Cheney.

7. Killed some time watching Hitler being eternally circumcised with world's dullest knives.

6. Spent several hours working in hell's laundry room, washing and drying Satan's personal supply of Chicago Bear jerseys.

5. Tried to tune out the blood curdling sounds of millions of lost souls crying out in wretched agony only to find it was just that Miley Cyrus in concert this weekend singing Smells Like Teen Spirit. (If you haven't heard it yet, click here!)

3. Had a long chat with Nixon.

2. Reserved long johns and parka just in case Vikings should ever win a Super Bowl.

1. Desperately tried to change the radio station , but it's forever tuned to 101.1.

April 27th City of Shawano
A South Bartlett resident called police to report that an unknown person has been tying balloons to their plants with sexually explicit messages written on the balloons.

April 16th City of Shorewood
A 21-year-old man was arrested for theft at Pick 'n Save after he was seen stuffing two bottles of gin and two bottles of vodka into the girdle he was wearing.

April 21st Village of Arpin
A woman on Richfield Road called police and reported that a neighbor's goat caused damage to her car and pooped on her deck.

April 26th Town of Gresham
A man called the sheriff's department and told them his Texas Long Horn cow broke its chain. The man said he wanted deputies to shoot the cow, slit her throat, and then give him a back.

April 22nd City of Brookfield
Officers were called to a parking lot where someone reported seeing a 27-year-old man in a car was watching pornography on a cell phone. Officers found the man in question was watching... an episode of the TV series Nip/Tuck.

April 24th City of Wauwatosa
Police arrested a 21-year-old man for drug possession. The man repeatedly swore at officers and insisted on taking his pants off during his booking photo.

April 23rd City of Wausau
An officer arrested a man for violating the terms of his probation after the man was found drunk and sleeping in a garbage can.

Leave it to NMA World Edition fro, Taiwan to present the death of bin-Laden tastefully...through animation! (may not be safe for work!)

http://youtu.be/UiDyrkU0WAQ

Have you seen the new ABC series Happy Endings? It's my fave new sit-com of the year. Sort of a hipper, edgier Friends. Eliza Coupe plays Jane (you may remember her from the last couple seasons of Scrubs!).

We'll talk to Eliza Tuesday morning at 9:40.

And check out Happy Endings on WBAY 2 Wednesday night. There's two episodes back-to-back starting at 9pm!

Here's a clip from the show which also stars 24's Elisha Cuthbert, SNL's Casey Wilson and Damon Wayons' Daymon Wayons Jr. (Eliza's the one in white.)