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apr 5th 2010
SIGNS THIS ISN'T GOING TO BE YOUR TEAM'S WORLD SERIES SEASON.

If your manager is in best shape of his life from all the time he spent walking out to the pitcher's mound during spring training...this might not be your team's World Series season.

If the only improvement the club has made since last season is the addition of a new team manicurist to eliminate the number of painful and embarrassing sack scratching injuries...this might not be your team's World Series season.

If to bolster concession sales during these tough economic times, the team is now giving players a 10 percent discount on all beer and hot dogs they buy before the 5th inning...this might not be your team's World Series season.

If your team decides to save millions of dollars on a quality closer by just mercifully just ending all your games after seven innings...this might not be your team's World Series season.

If your team receives a grant from the National Park Service based on your pitching staff having more damaged limbs than the Chequamegon National Forest after a tornado...this might not be your team's World Series season.

If the owner has announced a plan to combine the designated hitter with designated driver so your team’s many drunken players now at least have someone to drive them home after the game...this might not be your team's World Series season.

And if your team's logo looks suspiciously like the one on the left...as usual, this will definitely not be your team's World Series season.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

apr 5th 2010

This weekend, the Post Crescent reported that back in February, a Waupaca police officer Tasered an 85-year-old man who wandered away from the Veteran's Home at King. We're sure the officer must have had a good excuse...or maybe even ten good excuses.

WAUPACA COP'S TOP TEN EXCUSES FOR TASERING AN 85 YEAR OLD MAN

10. Afraid the old man was going to sink his teeth into him...and they weren’t even in his mouth.

9. He thought the old man was having a heart attack and mistook the Taser for a defibrillator.

8. The man was so old he reminded the cop of Andy Rooney and who wouldn't want to Taser Andy Rooney?

7. Knew the old man was packing a powerful weapon...the unparalleled political clout of the AARP.

6. Feared the old man might have been tripping on Geritol or Metamucil.

5. Same reason Jeanne sits so far away from Rick. Didn't want to get covered in old person smell.

4. Was concerned the man had taken Viagra and wanted to subdue him without getting close enough to get an eye poked out.

3. It was a cold February day and the thought of doing something that would cause him to burn in hell seemed like a good idea at the time.

2. Who needs an excuse? Taserin' folks is fun!

1. He had already used up all his pepper spray on a disabled kid.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

apr 5th 2010
March 16th City of Neenah
A woman called police to report she heard loud banging noises on her front door the previous evening and in the morning
found a large Christmas wreath on her front door.

March 18th Shawano County
A 47-year-old female who works at the T-Mart called the Sheriff’s office and complained to deputies that one of her customers… “gives her the creeps”.

March 31st City of Waupun
A woman on West Franklin Street called police to report her 6-year-old son was out of control and running around outside with a shovel.

March 16th City of Shawano
Police received a report of a half-naked man getting out of his car at the Taco Bell drive-thru, grabbing his tacos and fleeing. A Taco Bell employee sustained a minor injury in the incident.

March 19th Village of Sherwood
A theft was reported on Windsor Court. The reporting party came home a week ago and a woman was there with high heels and all dressed up. This woman jumped in bed with the reporting party's husband. She reported that a collection of linen tablecloths that she had for 30 years were missing, among other items. She believes this woman with high heels took them.

March 21st City of De Pere
Police were called to break up a domestic dispute on Samantha Street where a man spit on his girlfriend and the girlfriend broke a beer bottle over his head. The woman was apparently upset with the boyfriend because he had burned the pot roast.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

apr 4th 2010
This past week, the Green Bay Packers elected Greg Koch to the team's Hall of Fame. Greg played for the Packers back in the mid 80's. When he left to go to the Dolphins, he had less than kind things to say about Green Bay. We responded and so did WAPL listeners.

Here's the story from the November 3rd, 1986 issue of Sports Illustrated. (Click the article twice to make it bigger!)
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

apr 2nd 2010
We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Weenie of the Week...35-year-old Brian Kluck who this week had his preliminary hearing set on charges related to a string of peeping incidents on Appleton's north side. The charges relate to a 2008 bust when Kluck was arrested for looking into bathroom windows and was found to be keeping detailed lists of women in the neighborhood that he had successfully seen nude and those he still wanted to see nude. Kluck reportedly told police he even kept track of when some of the women routinely showered and admitted he had even taken photos of at least three particular women.

So,

For making it clear why the words "peep" and "creep" share so many letters.

For doing more to make take the pleasure out of a woman’s shower time than a steel wool loofa.

For giving even more women the hee-jeebees than my high school yearbook photo.

We are proud to name Brian Kluck of Appleton as this week's Rick and Len... Weenie of the Week!
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

apr 1st 2010
Comic Jeff Havens will stop my the Rick and Len Show on Friday morning. Jeff has his own Comedy Central special debuting later this year and is the author of the book Uncrapify Your Life. He's going to have his hands full if he thinks he can "uncrapify" the Rick and Len Show.

See Jeff this weekend at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton. make your reservations at 920-734-JOKE!


http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/watch/StupidNamesForYourSweetheart
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 30th 2010
Chris and Jason from Project Pink, the extraordinary Floyd tribute show you can see at the Meyer Theater Saturday night, dropped by the studio this morning and we played Would You Rather? A number of people asked for a list of the questions. Here they are with Chris and Jason's answers in BOLD.

WOULD YOU RATHER...

Be pummeled to death by wild monkey's using small but powerful golden hammers or be eaten alive by the living members of the cast of the Lawrence Welk Show?

Spend the rest of your life dressed only in the that green question mark suit the guy from the late night infomercials wears while yelling about free money from the government or only be allowed to scratch your balls during total solar eclipses?

Have the only music that you're ever allowed to listen to for the rest of your life be any the hundreds of songs Celine Dion has recorded in French or only the jingle for The Lullaby Shop?

Spend the best of your life suffering from a case of free roaming nipples where your man nips would constantly move about your body or have to drink a 32 ounce Slushie made with cold, congealing fat liposucked from Susan Boyle's flabby arms?

Tom Zalaski use your tongue to clean out his ears or have Tom Milbourn wear your ass like a hat?


http://blip.tv/play/AYG7mDsC
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 29th 2010
February 16th City of Holmen
A Morris Street resident reported a noise complaint for a neighboring apartment. The neighbor attributed the noise to an infant learning to walk and dropping bottles.

March 14th City of Brown Deer
A 41-year-woman was arrested for theft at Kohl's, March 14th which was her birthday. She was at the store to return items but when the store wouldn't take them back, she took some queen size sheets valued at $100, saying it was her birthday gift to herself.

March 13th City of Glendale
A 45-year-old woman was arrested for her second drunken
driving violation. The woman, who had urinated in her
pants, was taken to the booking room where she began to undress. When told to stop, she made an obscene gesture and just continued undressing.

March 5th Town of Menasha
Officers responded to a Lakeshore Drive dispute between a homeowner and two people who were walking dogs. The homeowner accused the dog-walkers of allowing their dogs to relieve themselves in his yard. The argument became heated with some name-calling and profanity exchanged. Responding officers were conducted a search but were unable to locate any dog excrement in the yard and both parties were warned.

March 1st City of Menasha
Police discovered a man on Racine Road sitting naked on top of his vehicle.

March 3rd City of Holmen
A Tracy Lane resident called police to report that she saw a juvenile boy playing “inappropriate music” in front of her home.

March 13th City of Neenah
A Commercial Street resident reported that someone was pounding on his front door and kicking at his side door at 10:40 p.m. Police identified the suspect as… the resident's drunken brother.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 26th 2010

Yesterday, someone posted a link to what they called the... Saddest. Book. Ever. on Fark.com. While I couldn't agree more, I was reminded of a product I first discovered in my grocer's freezer case a few years ago that is clearly the... Saddest. Food Item. Ever! And it's made right here in our area.

It's Orv's Party For One Pizza.

Seriously? Party For One?

Now, first off, the title is a bit misleading. Unless the pizza comes with a bottle of hand lotion and a coupon for a free month of the Spice Channel, it has no right being called a "Party for One".

But sweet Jesus could the name be any more depressing?

Here are the only other food products I can think of that would be as sad as Orv's Party for One Pizza. (If you don't see them on your grocer's shelves, ask for them by name!)

Nobody Will Ever Love You Macaroni

You're Friends Are All Laughing At You Behind Your Back Cottage Cheese.

You Will Die Cold and Alone In A Puddle of Your Own Sick Grape Soda.

It Will Be Weeks Before Anyone Finds Your Body Clam Chowder.

Your Ex-Girlfriend Has Told Everybody About the Time You Couldn't Get It Up Spaghetti Sauce.

The Older You Get the More You Look Like Ron Howard's Creepy Brother Canned Peaches in Heavy Syrup.

--Rick--
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 26th 2010
We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Weenie of the Week...the 20-year-old Wisconsin Rapids man who had to be rescued by firefighters when he became stuck in the laundry chute after children dared him to slide down it. What's more, he caused a young girl in the house to panic when firefighters brought out a saw to cut the man out of the chute and she thought they were going to cut him in half.

So,

For doing something stupid on a dare from children, which I believe is the same way John McCain ended up with Sarah Palin as his running mate.

For trying to slide down the chute feet first, when clearly, he should have gone the other way because if he had landed on his head he at least wouldn't have damaged a working body part.

And for getting stuck in a chute that's not designed for entry...which, if I'm not mistaken, is George Michael's worst possible nightmare.

We are proud to name the Wisconsin Rapids man who got stuck trying to slide down a laundry chute on a dare from some kids as this week's Rick and Len...WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 25th 2010
Join Len and Ross (Rick is still faking sick!) Friday morning when they'll be joined by Shane Mauss who's appearing at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton. Shane's been on with Conan a bunch of times and his Comedy Central special just debuted last week! Make your reservation to see him in person at the Skyline this weekend by calling 920-734-JOKE.

Shane is originally from LaCrosse and he's just twisted enough to make me think he might be the guy drowning all those UW-LaCrosse students in the Mississippi. If you don't believe me, check out these clips of the man in action.


http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/watch/SixFlagsMishap


http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/watch/SingingInTheShower
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 24th 2010
Brunswick Community College in Calabash, North Carolina has purchased the Close Encounters Gentleman's Club and is planning to turn it into classroom space. As a result, we here at the Rick and Len Show thought it would be a good time to take a look at...

SIGNS YOUR SCHOOL MIGHT HAVE BEEN A STRIP CLUB

If your physics professor demonstrates Newton's Laws of Motion, by using his supple thighs to slide down the pole in the middle of your "lecture hall"....your school might have been a strip club.

If you have to pay an extra hundred bucks to take trigonometry because it's held in the champagne room...your school might have been a strip club.

If pieces of volcanic rock are not the hardest things that have ever been in the room that is now your geology lab...your school might have been a strip club.

If despite the fact that it doesn't serve any kind of seafood, the cafeteria always seems to smell like fish...your school might have been a strip club.

If your History of Medieval Warfare class has a two drink minimum...your school might have been a strip club.

If your tuition is due by the end of the first week of the semester and must be paid in full to the cashier in the business office...in singles...your school might have been a strip club.

If your school colors are Amber and Sapphire...your school might have been a strip club.

If no matter what the class, the question most asked of all the teachers is "How do I get this frickin' glitter off of me?"...your school was definitely a strip club!
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 22nd 2010
March 4th City of Neenah
Police cited a high school student for disorderly conduct after she disobeyed rules and yelled and swore at staff. In talking with police, the girl acknowledged her aggressive behavior and revealed that she had been having dreams about, among other things, Santa Claus attacking her.

March 11th City of Muskego
A 19-year-old man was arrested for disorderly conduct after yelling obscenities at a drive-thru window at Dairy Queen. The man became enraged when he ordered two blizzards and received only one, prompting him to knock on the drive-through window and ask "if anyone knew how to work there", peppering his question with numerous curse words.

March 20th City of Wisconsin Rapids
Police and firefighters responded to a call to help a 20-year-old man who was stuck in a laundry chute after taking a dare from his children. The family had tried to pull him out of the chute for about 10 minutes, then called 911 when the man started having trouble breathing. The situation became more tense when firefighters brought out a saw to cut the man out of the chute and a young girl in the house began to panic, believing they were going to cut him in half.

February 27th City of Menasha
A man told police that he was trying to make an officer chase him so he could get arrested for driving while intoxicated. After evidence was gathered, the man was arrested for driving while intoxicated .

February 27th City of Whitefish Bay
Police received a report from a Santa Monica Boulevard address where a 5 foot statue of Lucy from the Peanuts cartoon sustained $2800 in damage.

February 20th Village of Shorewood
A 24-year-old man was arrested for theft of 263 candy bars from Pick 'n Save. He told police he took the 263 candy bar because… he was hungry.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 22nd 2010
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 22nd 2010
SURPRISING PROVISIONS IN THE HEALTH CARE BILL

10. Male patients will receive 10% discount on check-ups if they agree to get prostate examine from a doctor with fat fingers.

9. Concertgoers who sustain injuries related to moshing or head banging can only be treated by doctors named Love or Feelgood.

8. Cialis users will only be encouraged to call a doctor if their erection lasts more than FIVE hours.

7. Insurance companies will be required to recognize as doctors not just those who have attended certified medical schools but also anyone who stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

6. Patients seeking a vasectomy will be given detailed instructions and a rusty toe nail clipper.

5. Instead of taking a family medical history, doctors will save time by merely smacking patients on the ass and asking "Whose your daddy?".

4. Expensive emergency room physicians will be replaced with high school phy-ed teachers who will treat patients suffering from severe chest pains by instructing them to "walk it off".

3. Before resorting to prescribing expensive drugs to treat erectile dysfunction, doctor's must first try kissing it to make it better.

2. Instead of oxygen, recovering surgical patients will be given helium which, while being no less expensive, will be far more entertaining for the nurses who will get to hear them as they cry for help in comical, high pitched voices.

1. Wisconsin division one basketball players will be encouraged to avoid choking hazards such as chicken bones, toothpicks and playing in the NCAA tourney.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 19th 2010

We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week...the Fond du Lac man who punctured the tires on his own truck because he didn’t want his wife driving it while he was in jail. The man was arrested and taken to jail on a bail jumping charge. Police found the man and arrested him only because they received the report of him puncturing his own tires.

So,

For not just making a-hole but being an a-hole.

For trying to prevent his wife from leaving the house while guaranteeing that he, himself won’t be going anywhere for a while, either.

And for getting himself locked up where he could possibly have more miles put on him than his wife ever could have ever put on his truck.

We are proud to name the Fond du Lac man who punctured the tires to his own truck to stop his wife from driving it while he was in jail as this week’s Rick and Len...WEENIE OF THE WEEK.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 19th 2010
The Ferrari of Comedy...Tanyee Lee Davis, all 3 foot 6 inches of her, joins Rick and Len at 8 this morning. See her this weekend at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton. Make your reservations by calling 920-734-JOKE.


http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/watch/The_downside_of_waxing
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 18th 2010



New Academy Award winner Sandra Bullock has reportedly separated from her husband Jesse James after a woman who goes by the name Bombshell McGee claims she's been boffing him. Who do you prefer Bullock or Bombshell?
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 17th 2010
Here's what celebrities were doing on St. Patrick's Day....

Representative Eric Massa...He's going to spend his day looking for a shirt that says "Tickle Me, I'm Irish!"

Barrack Obama...will spend St. Patrick's day searching for a leprechaun to lead him to his pot of gold because it's the only way he's going to get any funding for health care. The jokes on him, however, since the leprechaun lost all his gold by investing it with AIG.

Rush Limbaugh...will spend the day seeing rainbows and leprechauns. Then again, when you're that whacked out on Oxycontin, every day you see rainbows and leprechauns.

The 4 superglue chicks...They're going to handcuff an Irishman to the bed in a Stockbridge motel and glue his shillelagh to his stomach.

Sarah Palin...will spend St. Patrick's Day at home in Wasilla, Alaska. Which is okay since she can see Ireland from her house.

Former New York Governor Elliot Spitzer...is going to pay an Irish girl thousands of dollars to kiss his Blarney Stones.

Michael Jackson...after spending years turning from black to white, will, for the first time, spend St. Patrick's Day turning an appropriate shade of green.

Len Nelson...will take some time today to dance a traditional Irish jig...to the Village People's YMCA.

Tiger Woods...will spend St. Patrick's Day looking for a lucky four leaf clover...assuming, of course, that four leaf clovers can be found growing the vulvas of cocktail waitresses and porn stars.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 16th 2010
In honor of St. Patrick's Day, here's a DIY video for the Irish Drinking Song (Drink and Fight) by Buck-O-Nine!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBsrZ-016fs&feature=player_embedded

And here's a video from one my favorite bands in the world: Black 47.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GViXO8bZDz8&feature=player_embedded

Erin go bragh! See you at the Irish Fling!

--Rick--
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post