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mar 15th 2010
How exciting! I returned to work today to find an e-mail from the folks at FOUND Magazine informing me that an item I submitted is their website's Find of the Day!

If you're not familiar with FOUND, it is a magazine that features odd and quirky things that have been lost or discarded and then found by people all over the world.

This was my submission. One of my co-workers passed this slip of paper along to me after he found it on the floor while ushering for a Christmas concert in Appleton back in December. It was folded-over and labeled "Jerk!" on the front.

It truly is does raise more questions than it answers. (such as, if a giraffe's tongue is really 22 inches long, why do female giraffes always look so dissatisfied?)

--Rick--
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 13th 2010
Well, we're almost home from the International Incident. It's about 9:30pm Saturday night and we are flying over Illinois. I'm going to go use the restroom in hopes that they accidentally jettison my effluvium somewhere over Peoria! Fingers crossed!

--Rick--
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 13th 2010
We are proud to name as this week's Rick & Len Show Weenie of the Week... Rob Voss of Valder, who the other afternoon, after a few adult beverages and before coming down from his room here at the resort for the afternoon broadcast, brushed his teeth. And why does that make him Weenie of the Week? Well, because in his "slightly" inebriated state he accidentally brushed with Benedryl allergy cream.

So, for brushing his teeth with and allergy cream which leads me to believe that somewhere on his body he must have a rash that's freakishly minty fresh.

For at least not mistaking someone's thong for dental floss.

And for putting something stiff and foul tasting in his mouth...and he wasn't even a participant in yesterday's Laycation sex contest.

We are proud to name Paul Voss of Valders as this week's Rick and Len International Incident....Weenie of the Week!
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 10th 2010

Last night, virtually the entire International Incident crew went on a pirate ship cruise and a fun time was had by all. However, some scurvy landlubbers tried to pass themselves off as real pirates. (I'm looking at you Jeff & Tammy and Bob & Lisa).

So, here's some signs...you might not be a real pirate!

If when you hear the word poop-deck, the first thing that comes to mind is the time you ran out of toilet paper during a poker game and had to wipe with the playing cards...you might not be a real pirate.

If the only time you've ever heard the phrase "blow the man down" was at a pool party at George Michaels...you might not be a real pirate.

If the only time you've seen a man hung....was at that same George Michael pool party...you might not be a real pirate.

If your favorite letter of the alphabet between Q and T is S (and not Rrrrrr)...you might not be a real pirate.

If you think Davy Jones locker is located at the gym right between Mickey Dolenz and Mike Nesmith's lockers...you might not be a real pirate.

If when you hear the term booty, you think of Jennifer Lopez before you think of gold dubloons...you might not be a real pirate.

If the closest you've ever come to performing an old sea shanty is singing along with the McDonald's "Gimmie that filet 'o fish" jingle...you are definitely not a real pirate!
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 9th 2010
Well, Len and I have been working hard here in P.V...Len has been working on a good buzz and I've been working on Calgaro's last nerve. Of course, I've also been laboring...under the illusion that the listeners are enjoying spending time with me.

I am having a blast here.

However, my most indelible memory of the trip, so far, is still seeing longtime Green Bay alderman Guy Zima digging through the recycling bin at the Milwaukee airport because he's apparently too cheap to buy a newspaper. I don't know if he, like us, was Mexico bound. I'll keep my ears open for news about any gringos getting arrested shoplifting Chirizo sausage in their pants.

It's also important to remember that these trips aren't all just drinking and partying. They are also very educational. For instance, this morning, during the game we called "Doodie Duty", we learned that unlike in the movie Caddyshack, Baby Ruth candy bars do NOT float when you put them in the swimming pool. But, in the words of Bill Murray, "it's no big deal". It was still fun watching listeners swimming after them (blindfolded, no less). Mark Van Boxtel of Green Bay was the winner!

Well, I just saw someone go past my window....and my room is on the 6th floor. I better go find out what that is all about. It is getting a little crazy here, but in the words of Hunter S. Thompson " It never got too weird for me!"

--Rick--
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 5th 2010
We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Weenies of the Week...the folks at the Appleton Post Crescent, who, in a caption on page A-5 of yesterday's paper, identified Appleton Mayor Tim Hanna...as Barack Obama. Well, to be accurate (which when talking about the Post-Crescent is kind of ironic), the caption just said "Obama". We're giving them the benefit of the doubt that they mistook the bespectacled, so-white-he's-almost-translucent Hanna for President Barack Obama and not for Michelle, Sasha or Malia.

So,

For mistaking a guy who is half black for a guy who is half-assed.

For this week being known for the caption they put under a photo, when they're usually known for being the paper you put under a puppy.

And for not being able to tell the President of the United States from the Mayor of Appleton...which, at least, is a step up from their usual default position of just not being able to tell their asses from a hole in the ground.

We are proud to name the folks at the Appleton Post Crescent as this week's Rick and Len...WEENIES OF THE WEEK!
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 4th 2010
Comic Chinaman is going to join us in the studio to wok the house Friday morning. See Chinaman at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton through Saturday night.

Don't wait to book your reservations. Some shows are already close to being sold out. Call and make your reservations at 920-734-JOKE.

Here's a taste of what the wok is cooking!

posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 3rd 2010
A new report indicates that more and more senior citizens are smoking pot. However, as a public service of the Rick and Len Show, here's some signs...

YOU MIGHT BE TOO OLD TO BE SMOKING POT.

If your wife's hat is as red as the whites of your eyes...you might be too old to be smoking pot.

If you can't tell your bong from your respirator...you might be too old to be smoking pot.

If you go through a half dozen jars of apple sauce a week because it's the only munchies you can eat without teeth...you might be too old to be smoking pot.

If you hide your stash by tucking it under one of your spats...you might be too old to be smoking pot.

If you try to sink up Wizard of Oz and Pink Floyd but you can't find a copy of Dark Side of the Moon that will play on your Victrola...you might be too old to be smoking pot.

If your mouth is as dry as your wife's lady business...you might be too old to be smoking pot.

If you can't get used to using the term "dude" after years of using the term "whippersnapper" and find yourself calling people "dudersnappers"...you might be too old to be smoking pot.

If you tell your dealer you want to buy a bag and he doesn’t know if you're talking about pot or for your colostomy...you're definitely too old to be smoking pot.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 3rd 2010
Barack Obama gets a surprise visit in the night from ex-Presidents Bush Sr., Bush Jr., Clinton, Ford, Reagan and Carter to get a few pointers about the Consumer Financial Protection Agency and why they think it's so important. From the folks at Funny or Die! Stars Will Ferrell, Dana Carney, Darell Hammond, Chevy Chase, Dan Akroyd Jim Carrey and more!

posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 1st 2010
February 24th City of Beaver Dam
A man reported to police that a woman was sending him pictures on her phone of her smashing their television. The woman had said children had broken the television with a toy.

February 26th City of Oshkosh
Police responded to an accident site on Oregon Street where a boyfriend and girlfriend in separate cars and driving in opposite directions collided head-on in route to his home. Neither driver was injured but both vehicles sustained significant damage.

February 14th City of Mayville
A 20-year-old man reported the theft of $150 from his pants. At the time of the theft, the man was not wearing his pants.

February 12th City of Neenah
A Forkin Street resident told police she received a pop-up ad on her computer indicating that she had won a watch and needed to pay $4.99 for the shipping and handling. She provided her bank account info and later saw a $89 charge. She said she now receives many pop-ups when she logs onto the Internet.

February 15th Village of Randolph
Police responded to complaints about youth throwing snowballs at the library.

February 12th City of Brown Deer
A 25-year-man who slapped a 17-year-old girl and choked her until she almost passed out was arrested. The girl said she didn't report the incident until the following day because she wanted to get her hair done.

February 15th City of New Holstein
An officer was dispatched to Hickory Lane for a report of people standing around a vehicle trying to flag down other passing cars. When the officer arrived on the scene, he found two older women inside the vehicle holding notes which they had been holding up asking for help. The women were able to yell through the closed windows of their vehicle that the battery on the car had died so the power windows and locks would not operate. The officer was able to communicate back that the women could manually lift up the door lock button, which they then did in order to exit the vehicle.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 1st 2010
Norwegian Cross Country skier Bjorn Hjelmeset attributed his poor performance skiing the 2nd leg of the 4-man relay to... watching too much porn. Really! Bjorn told Sports Illustrated "I've think I have seen too much porn in the last 14 days. I have a room next to another skier. Every night there were unmistakable noises from his bedroom. So I think that is the reason I stunk up the competition". So, here's our....

SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE WATCHING TOO MUCH PORN DURING THE OLYMPICS

If you accidentally poked another competitor with your pole...and you're a figure skater...you might be watching too much porn at the Olympics.

If the hill they're skiing down for the alpine events is in your lap...you might be watching too much porn at the Olympics.

If you've been seen wandering around the Olympic Village with your medal hanging from an appendage other than your neck...you might be watching too much porn at the Olympics.

If the flame of the Olympic torch isn't as red as the friction burns on your wiener...you might be watching too much porn at the Olympics.

If you've been repeatedly penalized for high sticking...and you’re not a hockey player...you might be watching too much porn at the Olympics.

If thanks to state of the art silicone lubricants, your crotch has a slicker surface than the bobsled track...you might be watching too much porn at the Olympics.

If your elbow has gotten a better workout than the lead sweeper on the Swedish curling team...you might be watching too much porn at the Olympics.

If the Double McTwist executed by Shaun White to garner the Snowboarding gold was nothing compared to the Double McTwist you did in your pants...you're definitely watching too much porn at the Olympics.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 1st 2010





College spring break is in full swing and the WAPL International Incident just days away. With that in mind, it's time to check out the latest trend among hotel guests. It's bed jumping! A website called bedjump.com has become a clearinghouse for photos of folks jumping on their hotel beds in cool and creative ways. Here's some of our faves.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

feb 26th 2010
We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Weenie of the Week...the 23-year-old Brown County woman who posted the sale of a 2-year-old child for $800 on the Craigslist website this week...as a joke! Turns out, she's not really a stressed-out parent, but rather, just a drunken idiot. In fact, she doesn't even have any kids!

So,

For committing the biggest hoax of the week...with the obvious exception of the health care summit.

For making us think she was really selling a baby when we should have known better... since the baby didn't even have a UPC code.

For making believe she was selling a baby for just $800 causing prices on the World Black Market Baby Index to suffer it's greatest one day lose since the time Angelina Jolie bought a 16-month-old Somali kid for $300 and a goat.

And for making a joke that wasn't even remotely funny...when BACK OFF, BITCH, THAT'S RICK'S JOB!

We are proud to name the Brown County woman who perpetrated the Craiglist baby selling hoax as this week's Rick and Len...WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

feb 26th 2010
Comic Jimmy Dore will be hanging out with Rick and Len this morning (2.26) from 8 to 9. See Jimmy at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton this weekend. Make your reservations at 920-734-JOKE.

To hold you over, check out this video of Jimmy explaining health care!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCSUGLc7PG0&feature=player_embedded
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

feb 25th 2010
According to a FOX 11 report, somebody in the Green Bay area has been trying to sell their 2-year-old boy on Craig's List for $800.00. We, at the Rick and Len Show, would like to make that purchase.

Better we have the kid than have him left in the hands of a lousy parent that is willing to sell him. He could live in the studio and be our intern/mascot.

What would we do with him? Glad you asked!

THINGS WE COULD DO WITH A 2-YEAR-OLD ON THE RICK AND LEN SHOW.

10. Teach him to say funny things like "ass hat" and "douchebag" which sound even funnier when a 2-year-old says them.

9. Package his dirty diapers so we can literally give away boxes of crap.

8. Stuff him in a box in the attic. Release a balloon. Get tons of free publicity from CNN.

7. Put him to work in our sweat shop cranking out more Feces the Clown t-shirts.

6. Give him away as a prize during an on-air contest. Watch our ratings in the coveted 25 to 54 convicted male sex offender demographic go even higher.

5. Put him in front of a microphone as he throws a blubbering tantrum while we take the day off and see if anyone notices the difference.

4. Teach him to use the toilet instead of going in his pants. Hope and pray that Rick learns from his example.

3. Make him listen to WIXX. Wait for social services to have us charged with mistreating a child.

2. Take him to Green Bay City Hall. Watch him tower over the mayor.

1. Give him some paper and a crayon. He's gotta be able to come up with better crap than this!
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

feb 24th 2010
In Colorado Springs, a billboard company has banned this poster for the Broadway show Avenue Q because it's depiction of "puppet cleavage" was deemed too sexy. Really, puppet cleavage too sexy? Here some other signs you might be too uptight!

If you get offended as frequently as Paris Hilton gets herpes...you might be too uptight.

If the panties you keep getting in a bunch are actually bloomers...you might be too uptight.

If you've pitched more fits than an entire troop of boy scouts with a porno mag have pitched tents...you might be too uptight.

If compared to you, Mother Teresa seemed like Lindsey Lohan...you might be too uptight.

If you fly off the handle as easily as Tommy Thompson flies off the wagon...you might be too uptight.

If after sticking chunks of coal up your ass, Richard Kessler returns a week later to harvest diamonds...you're definitely too uptight!
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

feb 23rd 2010
Surely, not Hammerfall and the Swedish Women's Olympic Curling Team!

posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

feb 22nd 2010
February 1st City of Menasha
A caller reported that there was loud banging coming from an apartment on Third Street and it sounded like a fight. Upon arrival, officers were told by two individuals that there was no fight. One of the men said he was playing a video game and got upset, so he was yelling.

January 31st City of Brown Deer
An 18-year-old man was arrested for underage drinking and resisting arrest after police were called to remove him from a party at Four Points Sheraton. The man ran from police and when caught yelled for them to call his parents. The suspect would not say where he got the alcohol and denied drinking. However, he told officers he knew where they could buy some "weed."

February 7th Town of Menasha
A resident of Stead Drive reported that he ordered two computers from a company in China and when the package arrived, it turned out to be a pair of shoes.

February 7th Town of Menasha
Officers were sent to a tavern on American Drive where, for no apparent reason, a man pushed another patron off a barstool.

February 7th Town of Menasha
Police were called to Golf Bridge Drive were two men where fighting over who the winner of the Super Bowl was going to be.

February 18th City of Oshkosh
Officers received a report of a man walking down the street with a firearm. Police located the “man with the firearm” who turned out to be a 12-year-old boy with a toy.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

feb 22nd 2010

Great Britain Ice Dancers Sinead & John Kerr have been competing in Vancouver. As the song Tango Romantica fills their ears, they peer lustfully into each others' eyes, their hands softy exploring each other's bodies and their lips almost touching. The sexual chemistry in the Pacific Coliseum is so thick it could stop a truck. Which is all well and good, except... they're brother and sister.

Ick!

Do you have any idea how creepy that is? Let me put it in perspective.

That's as creepy as...

...a wet dream about Dick Cheney.

...a tramp stamp on a toddler.

...Roman Polanski hosting a slumber party.

...a wink from Richard Simmons.

...Ronald McDonald in fishnet stockings.

...a wet, sloppy tongue kiss from the Shamwow guy.

...Joe Biden's hairline.

...Tom Milbourn in Home of the Whopper underpants.

...as clown porn.

...getting fingered by Larry McCarren.

...a home furnished by Ed Gein.

...phone sex with Dr. Stephen Hawking.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post