SURPRISES IN THE WISCONSIN BUDGET
10. The governor will be forced to reduce number of aids at his office in Madison in order to maintain full time staffs for his governor's offices in Cedar Rapids, Des Moines and Sioux City.
9. Well paid tenured University of Wisconsin professors will be replaced by “teachers” whose main qualifications are having scored above average on several really tough Buzzfeed quizzes.
8. Due to cuts in D.O.T. equipment budget, multiple state highway workers will all have to start huddling together to lean on the same shovel.
7. Will implement controversial Right to Birthday law which will save taxpayer money by making it illegal to celebrate your birthday unless you make at least $200,000 year.
6. Will replace many of states’ K-12 schools with much cheaper K9 schools because dogs are easier to teach than children.
5. To show support for state industry, budget includes provision that allows lockdown of the state capitol building for bomb scares only if the explosive device was manufactured in Wisconsin.
4. There is no number 4. New state budget eliminated 10% of funding for government supported development of top ten lists.
3. As a cost saving measure, State Senator Frank Lasee's pay was cut so much he can no longer afford to keep NOT living in the home he doesn’t really live in in his district.
2. Instead of allowing former A village administrator from places like Hortonville and a former alderman from places like Sheboygan to individually expense their child porn, they’ll all be required to just have a group movie night at the home of Jared from Subway.
1. Money usually spent on “railroad crossing” and “deer crossing” signs for state highways will be used to pay for “eye crossing” signs for governor’s office.