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jan 12th


10. Hire a skilled optical surgeon to put ten years of tears back into Jay Cutler’s eyes.

9. Pay the creator of Pop Tarts to create Mom Tarts to finally put an end to 50 years of sexist Kellogg’s toaster pastries.  

8. Pay to develop a moist towelette powerful enough to permanently wipe that smug grin off the face of the so called affluenza kid.

7. Establish a charity that gives ugly lower back tattoos to elderly men called Gramp Stamps.

6. Convene a team of the world’s leading hair growth specialists to determine why Joe Buck’s efforts to grow a beard make him look like a blotchy, molting werewolf.

5. Restore much needed respect to the third digit of our numerical system by starting to market THREE percent milk and number THREE lead pencils.

4. Establish a branch of the Secret Service responsible solely for arresting and detaining people who knowingly fart in elevators.

3. Buy so many Packer neckties it makes Cameron Moreland's puny head explode.

2. Begin a worldwide support group staffed by the most gifted therapists to assist people mentally scarred by their inability to find a Coke bottle with their name on it.

1. Ask for it all in pennies just to piss them off.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:29 am Comment On This Post

nov 9th 2015


10. Porn Hub crashed just as the girl in the video opened the door for the pizza delivery guy.

9. Was THIS close to beating level 33 on Candy Crush.

8. Got email from Olivia Munn saying no to a three-way. 

7. Just finished watching the last clip of Trump on Saturday Night Live and realized what a laugh-free waste of time it was.

6. Learned his effort to get Carolina defense to stop sacking him by friending them on Facebook failed when they all denied his friend request.

5. Associate Head Coach Tom Clements told him he had video that showed an exploitable weakness in the Panthers defense but Rick rolled with that damn "Never Going to Give You Up" song.

4. Brett just sexted him.

3. He didn't think the limited supply of Bret Michaels tickets would sell out that fast.

2. Airline just sent seating assignments for the flight home. Middle seat between Raji and Guion again.

1. Saw he would've won $57 on Draft Kings if only he had started Cam Newton instead of himself.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:28 am Comment On This Post

nov 2nd 2015


10. Several players spent bye week in Nevada precisely following Lamar Odom’s “training regimen”.

9. Due to confusion over daylight savings time, Packer offense showed up an hour late AND left an hour early.

8. The team thought it was settled by winning the coin toss and didn’t realize they still had to play the game.

7. After spending a night in weed friendly Colorado, team was too R-E-L-A-X-ed.

6. Their Damarious was more effective than our Demaryius.

5. If only the Broncos had committed more roughing the passer penalties, Packers could have extended more drives.

4. Not actually the Packers. It was the Bears dressed in Green and Gold for Halloween.

3. Receivers found it hard to catch the ball at the same time they were having their asses handed to them.

2. Distracted by Peyton Manning quietly singing under his breath "Chicken Parm you taste so good".

1. Defense would have been less lethargic if they hadn’t accepted those complimentary pre-game drinks from Bill Cosby.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:57 am Comment On This Post

oct 21st 2015


10. Free baskets of pig wings and hell ice collected when his party unites.

9. Use of the Harry Potter invisibility cloak that apparently Governors Bobby Jindal and Jim Gilmore have been using since they started running for president.

8. Free health care to treat the wounds sustained falling on his own sword.

7. Some of whatever Ben Carson’s been smoking.

6. A home swimming pool filled with the tears of the former Speaker of the House.

5. They'll stop playing the theme from the Munsters every time he walks into a room.

4.  Free career advice from Carly Fiorina, if this job doesn’t work out. 

3. The secret to immortality possessed only by former Vice President Dick Cheney.

2. A couple hours left alone to gently nuzzle Reagan’s corpse.

1. Unlimited access to the party's vast supply of Oopma Loompa blood Trump and Boehner use to keep looking like ripe papayas.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:15 am Comment On This Post

oct 5th 2015


10. Pilots were probably suddenly hightailing it to San Francisco after just learning it was an away game. Oops!

9.  The U.S. was must be just launching a pre-emptive strike against Canada to clear the way for Governor Walker’s wall.

8. Pilots are probably flying low as possible to more easily pick up the game here on 105.7 WAPL…your FM home for Packer football.

7. Flyover must be headed to Milwaukee to help Brewers celebrate their 94th loss of the season!

6. The mother ship has finally arrived to return Tom Milburn to his home planet.

5. Military probably headed to Chicago to contain out-of-control celebrating by Bears fans who were shocked they won one game this season.

4. Don't know what that was but I bet it had something to do with Trump.   

3. Assumed Appleton Mayor Tim Hanna ordered a drone strike on homes of the alderman from Human Resources Committee who voted to cut his salary by 10 grand.

2. Pilots must been in a hurry to get to a bathroom after eating one of those black Burger King Whoppers.

1. Air Force apparently launched an emergency rescue mission bound for Green Bay to air lift out lost hikers stranded in the thick, over-growth of Mayor Schmitt’s eyebrows.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:33 am Comment On This Post

sep 25th 2015


10. Could have shared a ride on the Zippin’ Pippin with an area religious figure like Aaron Rodgers.

9. He cmight have helped save Door County from the forces of evil by vanquishing the FIBs that stayed past Labor Day.

8. He could have performed the world’s greatest miracle by creating a hat big enough to fit Tom Milbourn’s head.

7. Just as Jesus turned water into wine, he could have participated in sacred local tradition of turning beer into urine.

6. He could have taught that St. Vince dude some manners by showing him you take the big post hole digger hat off when you’re sitting in front of people at the game.

5. He could have checked to see how the Ten Commandments stack up against the new code of conduct for the Green Bay City Council.

4. He could gotten drivers on 41, 43, and 172 to use their directionals and drive the speed limit and that, my friends, would be a miracle.

3. He could tried to heal the lame, and what could be more lame than the WIXX morning show.

2. Some holy water, a little laying on of hands and a good word with the guy upstairs, he could have had Eddy Lacy and Jordy Nelson back in the game this week.

1. Just as Jesus fed the multitudes with just a loaf of bread and a couple fish, He could have tried to feed everyone at Paul’s Pantry with just the stolen meat from Green Bay Alderman Guy Zima’s pants.
posted by: Rick and Len at 4:00 pm Comment On This Post

sep 16th 2015


10. As a child was under the mistaken impression that there were female Pop Tarts called Mom Tarts.

9. During post game showers, occasionally peeks.

8. He’s only dating Olivia Munn for the free tickets to X-Men: Apocalypse.

7. Came in SECOND in poll about what person named Aaron area women most want to have sex with due to a Channel Five news anchor’s resounding popularity with lesbians.

6. Has an uncle who was a professional blackjack player until a debilitating head injury left him unable to count to 21 without taking off his shoes and dropping his pants.

5. After sustaining a brain rattling concussion in 2010 game against the Lions, spent about three hours mistakenly believing he was Captain Crunch.

4. College roommate operated an illegal drug lab until he blew all his money on cocaine and eucalyptus in an effort to create the first batch of menthol crack.

3. Is haunted by recurring nightmares about making a pinky swear with Larry McCarren.

2. His farts naturally smell like rainbows and sandalwood.

1. As a child, his family couldn’t always afford new clothes, so for Christmas one year his mother gave him an empty box that she claimed contained an invisible belt that he still puts on after every touchdown.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:31 am Comment On This Post

jul 28th 2015

Yahoo Travel is claiming that the "strangest tourist spot" IN THE WORLD is Wisconsin's House on the Rock. It may be odd, but I don't even think it's the strangest tourist spot in our state.


10. The Menasha Hall of Dental Atrocities. 

9. The Branchless Family Tree of Bear Creek. 

8. The Sheboygan County Asylum Without Walls. 

7. The World’s Largest Hat Rack located in the men's dressing room in the Fox 11 News Department.

6. Located right behind the famous Mars Cheese Castle, the lesser known Mars Laxative Palace.

5. The Governor Scott Walker Railroad and Eye Crossing.

4. The former site of Ed’s Hand Made Furniture Emporium in Plainfield. 

3. The Green Bay Mayor Jim Schmitt Media Whore Brothel.

2. The Tommy Thompson empties repository…(the only Wisconsin landmark big enough to be seen from space). 

1. The Jeffery Dahmer Culinary Trail where you can visit the sites where Milwaukee's best known chef locally sourced all his choice sustainable protein.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:15 pm Comment On This Post

jul 20th 2015

Today is the 46th anniversary of the first manned moon landing...or is it?


10. When it returned to earth, Apollo 11 odometer only had 148 miles on it.

9. If you look closely at photos of Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin you’ll see they look suspiciously like the two guys in the Sonic commercials.

8. It was faked by Meg Ryan after which Rob Reiner’s mother said “I’ll have what she’s having”.

7. The bag of moon rocks they brought back all had the words “A Souvenir of Bailey's Harbor" painted on them.

6. Cheese on surface of moon was clearly still in Kraft Singles wrappers.

5. Bumper sticker on back on the LEM read my other Lunar Excursion Module is a Corvette.

4. Armstrong's footprint on lunar surface bears surprising resemblance to bigfoot's who as we all know lives in the pacific northwest and deep south...not the moon.

3. There were 200 million Americans at the time. Do you really think we picked to be one of the first two people to walk in the moon, a guy named Buzz.

2. During historic CBS broadcast of the event, every time famed news anchor Walter Cronkite said "moon landing" he used his fingers to make air quotes.

1. Neil Armstrong claims when he got off the Lunar Module, Brian Williams was there to meet him.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:22 am Comment On This Post

jul 18th 2015


10. In honor of his 1999 8-8 season, the Hall of Fame is also inducting a large wad of Ray Rhodes’ chewing gum.

9. It will be revealed that the REAL reason he came out of retirement to play for the Jets and Vikings was to avoid listing to Deanna nag him about mowing the lawn. 

8. Lambeau Ring of Honor also making room for a selection of John Madden lip prints lifted from Brett’s ass.

7. Since his former coach Mike Holmgren will be unable to attend, will be replaced by Chumley the cartoon Walrus.

6. They are also retiring the number…of Brett’s pharmacist. (his private cellphone number, of course)

5. Only reason Brett agreed to return to Green Bay is the prospect of a big sweaty hug from Larry McCarren.

4. Original plan was to hold induction ceremony at other scene of Brett’s greatest most memorable accomplishments… the basement of the former Philling Station bar in downtown Appleton.

3. Brett hoping Hall of Fame induction will keep him from being remembered like a character in Brokeback Mountain, a well-meaning country boy who’s balls sometimes ended up in the wrong guy’s hands.

2. In a fitting tribute to his family, Hall of Fame exhibit will also include a selection of items shoplifted by his sister and the bathtub she made meth in.

1. When they retire Brett’s number 4, they’re planning to put the word “inches” after it.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

jul 17th 2015


10. Accompany Chicago Bears Quarterback Jay Cutler to the festival and periodically run under the water spraying from his eyes.

9. Do what Rick does and hit on women just to get turned down cold.

8. Bring Brewers centerfielder Carlos Gomez, give him a bat and let him fan the crowd the way he’s been fanning at the plate a lot of the season.

7. Hang out with Jackyl’s Jesse James Dupree because, Ahhh he’s pretty cool.

6. Wear a Minnesota Vikings jersey and bask in the cold reception you get from the crowd.

5. While just drinking ice cold beer will not keep you hydrated, it can be extremely refreshing to periodically dip your balls in it.

4. Come by the WAPL Beach House and get a cold shoulder from our own Ross Maxwell.

3. Get an icy stare from Don Dokken by asking for one of his candy bars. Don't ask. You don't want to know. But trust us!

2. If you are a woman, offer to have sex with Rick and just the thought of it will make you downright frigid.

1. Eating popsicles can help lower your body temperature. Even more so if you consume them in suppository form. Beware the Rocket pops.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:25 am Comment On This Post

jul 13th 2015


10. The governor will be forced to reduce number of aids at his office in Madison in order to maintain full time staffs for his governor's offices in Cedar Rapids, Des Moines and Sioux City.

9. Well paid tenured University of Wisconsin professors will be replaced by “teachers” whose main qualifications are having scored above average on several really tough Buzzfeed quizzes. 

8. Due to cuts in D.O.T. equipment budget, multiple state highway workers will all have to start huddling together to lean on the same shovel.

7. Will implement controversial Right to Birthday law which will save taxpayer money by making it illegal to celebrate your birthday unless you make at least $200,000 year.

6. Will replace many of states’ K-12 schools with much cheaper K9 schools because dogs are easier to teach than children.

5. To show support for state industry, budget includes provision that allows lockdown of the state capitol building for bomb scares only if the explosive device was manufactured in Wisconsin.

4. There is no number 4. New state budget eliminated 10% of funding for government supported development of top ten lists.

3. As a cost saving measure, State Senator Frank Lasee's pay was cut so much he can no longer afford to keep NOT living in the home he doesn’t really live in in his district. 

2. Instead of allowing former A village administrator from places like Hortonville and a former alderman from places like Sheboygan to individually expense their child porn, they’ll all be required to just have a group movie night at the home of Jared from Subway. 

1. Money usually spent on “railroad crossing” and “deer crossing” signs for state highways will be used to pay for “eye crossing” signs for governor’s office. 
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:03 am Comment On This Post

jun 24th 2015


10. Left a trail of empty Keystone cans from Lambeau field to Oshkosh to make it easier to find their way back to Green Bay.   

9. Picked up a couple gallon bucks of lard or some other kind of lube.

8. Gotten one of the those handy hat-to-penis conversion charts illustrating just how big a cowboy hat has to be to compensate for having a comically small wiener. (3 inch penis = 10 Gallon hat)

7. Bought an MP3 player and a set of noise cancelling headphone so they could listen to some decent music while the concerts are going on.

6. Stocked up on confederate flags that they can resell on the soon-to by-hot secondary racist banner market.

5. Picked up a late father’s day gift by having one of the festival’s local artisans fashion a life size bust of dad from fresh cow manure.

4. Loaded up on great CD’s by AC/DC, Def Leppard, and Motley Crue so they can hear the original superior versions of the songs that country artists will no doubt be butchering all week.''

3. For your friend who just had a child, bought a Country USA 2015 souvenir Baby's First Spit Cup.

2. Bought “It’s not a beer belly. It’s a solar panel for a sex machine” t shirts for their sister, wife and daughter…which in some cases might all be the same person”.

1. Paid someone to paint a bull's eye on their shirt to make them an easier target for drivers leaving the Country USA grounds.
posted by: Rick and Len at 11:18 am Comment On This Post

jun 17th 2015

After the Brewer hit the beloved Bob Uecker during batting practice causing a concussion, you have to wonder what..


10. Bernie Brewer decapitated during bizarre chalet slide accident.

9. Cinco, the sombrero and beard wearing chorizo arrested mid sausage race and deported after Naturalization and Immigration finds he snuck into this country disguised as a hairy wiener.

8. Hank the Dog ejected from a game for dry humping an umpire’s chest protector. 

7. Miller Park quarantined by the CDC after Ebola found to be closely linked to Brewer Fever.

6. Ball boy grows a foot taller and a second head after accidentally stepping on a needle that fell out of Ryan Braun's duffle bag.

5. Life-like sculpture of former owner Bud Selig revealed to actually be just a pile of empty beer cans.

4. Brewer great Rollie Fingers kicked out of Hall of Fame after it's revealed that during his playing years, he used illegal steroid-based mustache wax.

3. It's revealed that pitcher Will Smith who was tossed from a game last month for having pine tar on his forearm got it from non-consensual sex with an evergreen tree.

2. Brett Wurst, the racing brat changes name to Kaitlyn and becomes a racing clam.

1. Most famous fan scandalized by sleazy porn parody… Backdoor Amy.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:19 am Comment On This Post

jun 16th 2015


10. The Jesus on your car’s dashboard finally got use his scuba mask and water wings.

9. Sure the sewers may have backed up, but, hey look, there are free Baby Ruth bars floating everywhere.

8. By the end of the week, the gajillion mosquitos that hatch as a result will be large enough to saddle and ride.

7. Washed the dirt off headlights to make them easier to see on the cars whose drivers didn’t feel the need to turn them on during the storm.

6. Think about all the gas that was saved by the flooding shutting down the only area streets not already closed by road construction.

5. Parking meters in downtown Appleton are perfectly located to tie off your boat.

4. Much harder to hear Rick and Len’s voice over the sound of your sump pump.

3. Installing a waterslide in your basement cheaper than a weekend in the Dells. 
2. The pouring rain masks Rick’s lonely tears and raging incontinence.

1. Those furry creatures living above Mayor Jim Schmitt’s eyes… they drowned.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:17 am Comment On This Post

jun 12th 2015


10. A sedated black mambo

9. An overly girthy licorice stick

8. An unusually large, swarthy toadstool

7. A thick stalk of dusky asparagus

6. A didgeridoo carved from dark ebony

5. A night crawler on steroids

4. A dark chocolate souvenir of downtown Appleton's Hadzi sculpture

3. “Franks and beans”

2. I’m not sure but even American Pharaoh was a little envious

1. A white penis...only bigger.
posted by: Rick and Len at 9:50 am Comment On This Post

jun 11th 2015

The Post Crescent has a story concerning the prostitution and human trafficking case against 3 local men. While the details of the case are horrible, one thing stands out. The men reportedly called their operation "PIMPIN' PARTNERS".

PIMPIN’ PARTNERS makes even these truely heinous crimes seem almost happy and lighthearted. Sound likes it could be the name of a CBS sit-com. Sort of like The Bosom Buddies…but, you know, with pimps.


10. Kidnapin’ Cohorts

9. Burglarin’ Buddies 

8. Hooker Helpers 

7. Assassinatin’Associates

6. Rapin’ Mates

5. Felon Friends

4. Murderin’ Amigos

3. Torturin’ Twosome

2. Homicide Homies

1. Manslaughterin’ Muchachos
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:39 am Comment On This Post

jun 11th 2015

The Post Crescent has a story concerning the prostitution and human trafficking case against 3 local men. While the details of the case are horrible, one thing stands out. The men reportedly called their operation "PIMPIN' PARTNERS".

PIMPIN’ PARTNERS makes even these truely heinous crimes seem almost happy and lighthearted. Sound likes it could be the name of a CBS sit-com. Sort of like The Bosom Buddies…but, you know, with pimps.


10. Kidnapin’ Cohorts

9. Burglarin’ Buddies 

8. Hooker Helpers 

7. Assassinatin’Associates

6. Rapin’ Mates

5. Felon Friends

4. Murderin’ Amigos

3. Torturin’ Twosome

2. Homicide Homies

1. Manslaughterin’ Muchachos
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:39 am Comment On This Post

may 29th 2015

Wisconsin celebrates a birthday today. Our state is officially 167 years old having been admited to the union on May 29, 1848. Here are some...


10. Community once known as Dar-BOY now known as Dar-CODGER.

9. What was once a Manito-woc has slowed to, at best, a Manito-waddle.

8. Since menopause, has had to rename city "no longer producing Eggs Harbor".

7. It has a harder time controlling it's bowels apparently due to its Grand Chute keeps getting bigger.

6. Despite its persistence that "it's not a Tomah"... it is a Tomah.

5. Boulder Junction is now best known as a description of the point where the state's kidney stones enter it's urethra.

4. Can no longer remember the answer to the question Wey-auwega?

3. Realizing that it's not getting any younger, Dykesville no longer claims it was just a phase that went through in college and has finally come out and admitted a lifelong attraction to Bailey and her harbor.

2. Sherwood now only sure with help from Viagra.

1. AL now has to get up 10 times night to GO-MA.

(Boy, what that stupid!)
posted by: Rick and Len at 11:37 am Comment On This Post

may 27th 2015

The Associated Press is reporting that many porn stars don't like California's proposed regulations. Sex performers would even be required to wear protective eye gear in some situations. The porn stars say if the new rules go in effect their adult videos will look like medical shows. Here are some more safety guidelines for porn.


10. Actresses must lift with their legs not their back when handling Ron Jeremy’s penis.

9. Make sure to wash your hands before sticking a finger in somebody's butt.

8. Performers must at all times wear skid-resistant work boots to avoid slipping in puddles of fluids.

7. Spilled fluids should be cleaned up immediately from floors, work surfaces...faces, backs and stomachs.  

6. A representative from the ASPCA must be on hand at all times to assure no beavers are harmed in the making of this film.

5. Actresses without shaved hoohas must always wear hairnets.

4. Use barricade tape or orange cones to clearly indicate open holes.

3. Horseplay on the job is forbidden. Donkeys, on the other hand, are okay but only south of the border.

2. Keep all exits, entrances and passageways free of debris.

1. All male performers must have label on their underwear that reads, “may contain choking hazard”.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:28 am Comment On This Post