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sep 16th
KREEPY KRATZ
Have you read the creepy test messages Calumet County District Attorney Ken Kratz sent to a domestic abuse victim whose assailant he was supposed to be prosecuting? He texted things like Are u the kind of girl that likes secret contact with an older married elected DA...the riskier the better?" and "Im the atty. I have the $350,000 house. I have the 6-figure career. You may have the tall, young, hot nymph, but I am the prize!"

How creepy are D.A. Ken Kratz test messages? Allow us to try to put them in perspective.

JUST HOW CREEPY ARE KEN KRATZ\'S TEXT MESSAGES?

Creepier than an adult wearing toy X-Ray Specs but not quite as creepy as an adult wearing toy X-Ray Specs to a playground.

Creepier than a clown winking at you but not quite as creepy as a clown winking at you while he pees at the urinal right next to you.

Creepier than seeing a herpe on the lip of a mall Santa but quite not as creepy as seeing a herpe anywhere else on a mall Santa.

Creepier than a kiss from an elderly aunt who slips you the tongue but not quite as creepy as a kiss from an elderly aunt who slips you the tongue...and her dentures.

Creepier than a hug from Dick Cheney but not quite as creepy as a hug from Dick Cheney and a reach around from Donald Rumsfeld.

Creepier than watching porn with your grandfather but not quite as creepy as watching porn staring your grandfather.

Creepier than an ice cream truck that plays "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls but not quite as creepy as an ice cream truck that plays "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls being driven by a guy with a noticeably erect third nipple.