Money magazine has chosen Appleton as one on the 100 best places to live in the U.S.
WHY APPLETON IS ONE OF THE 100 BEST PLACES TO LIVE IN THE US.
10. Downtown just as nice as Fond du Lac with only half as many urine puddles.
9. When the wind blows from the north, the stank from Menasha is almost completely covered by the rotten eggs and monkey ass smell from Kaukauna.
8. If you’re a business owner and have a problem you can contact city officials and the sound of them laughing at you is sure to bring joy to others.
7. Good jobs available for the unskilled and uneducated as long as you’re not too embarrassed to work for the Post Crescent.
6. Home of beautiful public art like the enormous penis-shaped sculpture at the north end of the Skyline bridge which artistically symbolizes that shafting you’re going to get when you pay your property taxes.
5. Conveniently located close enough to Sheboygan that no matter what we do, it’s not going to seem that weird by comparison.
4. Proactive city government instituted legislation designed to cover sidewalks outside bars with cigarette butts 5 years before the rest of the state.
3. Police are less likely than the ones in Green Bay to shoot you in cold blood.
2. With a Christmas parade in November, Octoberfest in September, trick or treating on October 28th and Independence Day fireworks on July 3rd, everyday is a holiday, except the days of the actual holidays.
1. City parking meters collect all change that would otherwise go to panhandling hobos.