USES FOR THE POLE FROM THE PARADISE CLUB
10. Threaten to drop it on North Korea and give entire country some kind of cooter-borne yeast infection.
9. Sell it to the city of Green Bay. Let the Mayor shimmy up it to get things off the top of his desk.
8. Give it an honorary degree in gynecology since it’s seen more women’s private parts than an OB/GYN nurse, a Planned Parenthood doctor and Charlie Sheen combined.
7. Relocate it to Menasha where among all the Shutkoskis, Lingnofskis and Povlowskis, it’ll blend in with all the other poles.
6. If it could hold up thousands of big Wisconsin strippers for 40 years, it should be able to hold up the sagging Leo Frigo Bridge.
5. Lend it out to women to use as the ten foot pool they won’t touch Rick with.
4. Sell it to Kanye West so she can use it as a blinged out replacement for the stick he already has up his ass.
3. Let NASA send it on first manned plight to Mars. Use it as a flag pole claiming Mars on behalf of the United States and spreading to another planet American democracy and a particularly virulent strain of space herpes.
2. Use it to replace the main frame computer for the Obamacare website. While the Paradise Club stripper pole has no actual computing power, neither, apparently does the main frame computer for the Obamacare website.
1. Give it to Jay Cutler so he can use it to work out once his sprained vagina heals.