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sep 13th
FOR A THOUSAND DOLLARS, THE IPHONE X BETTER...


FOR A THOUSAND DOLLARS, THE IPHONE X...

BETTER…not only be able to recognize you by your face but also tell you when you've got a piece of spinach in your teeth.

BETTER…have an alarm clock feature that wakes you by tickling your balls.

BETTER…not only provide you with up to the moment scoring updates on your favorite sporting events but also allow you change the outcomes.

BETTER…not only survive unscathed when dropped in the toilet but also clean the bowl.

BETTER…give you the real love you never received from your alcoholic mother.

BETTER…not only allow you to pay bills with the tap of a finger but do it with someone else's money.

BETTER…give you the option to change Siri’s voice to that of a horny Asian school girl...who's been naughty. very, very naughty.

BETTER…not just be capable of taking 12 Megapixel digital photos but also X-rays and MRIs and mammograms.

BETTER…come with a pre-loaded app that allows you send a painful electrical shock to anyone who asks you to connect on Linkedin.

BETTER…automatically send a birthday greeting to the Chinese girl who made it every single year until she reaches the age of 10.