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may 20th
THINGS ON WHICH RICK ALREADY SPENT $590 MILLION DOLLARS ON BEFORE FINDING OUT HE DIDN'T WIN POWERBALL


After high life savings on Powerballl tickets, Rick didn't win Saturday's $590 million dollar Powerball drawing. Seriously! How could he not win with 5 sets of  numbers? Worst of all, he was so certain of winning, he already shot the wad and spent of $590 million,.

THINGS ON WHICH RICK SPENT 590 MILLION DOLLARS.

10. Bought myself a 14 karat gold, jet powered Zamboni.

9. Paid to have the Washington Monument circumcised.

8. Purchased the rights to the TV show The View. Recast it with five angry, brain damaged monkeys. Will wait as long as I have to for someone to notice the change.  

7. Had one of those flying Ironman suits made in a double X. Okay, 3 X.

6. Hired Aaron Rodgers to mow my lawn to supplement his measly 110 million dollar contract.

5. Contracted a team of bounty hunters to locate the Blue Fairy from Pinocchio and force her to turn my inflatable doll into a real girl who will inevitably leave me in two months for some douchebag.

4. Bought Rome’s priceless 400-year-old Trevi Fountain and filled it with Schlitz.

3. Got painful series of Botox injections to get rid of all the unsightly wrinkles in my face and ball sack.

2. Stupidly pledged to donate 11 million to some sketchy charity every time Ricky Week’s strikes out.

1. Filled Soldier Field to the rim with Spaghettios so Bears fans will have a reason to say “Oh-oh” other than when Cutler throws another interception.