A new Gallup Poll show that 50% of Illinois residents wish they lived in another state.
REASONS HALF THE POPULATION OF ILLINOIS WOULD LEAVE IF THEY COULD
10. Sick of being FIBS, would rather move to Ohio and become FOBS.
9. Too hard to drive like an a-hole in state where so does everyone else.
8. Many fear impending earthquake may be set off by the constant rumbling of George Halas continually turning over in his grave for the past 30 years.
7. Afraid if they get arrested, they may have to share a prison cell with one of their many incarcerated former governors.
6. Years of watching Simon Cowell on TV, makes them want to move to Hollywood where they apparently pay big money for being a rude, arrogant douchebag.
5. Following reports of plans to put the Obama Presidential Library in Chicago, they're afraid someone might start to make them learn how to read.
4. After years of vacationing in Door County and the Wisconsin Dells, would like to try their hands at ruining other lovely tourist destinations.
3. Just want to live in a state with a professional football team.
2. Many getting sick of living among all the creepy Ditka porn ‘staches…even the ones on the guys.
1. Not enough beaches in the state because most of the sand is in their starting quarterback’s vagina.