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jul 13th 2012
This week, the Post Crescent claimed that they unraveled the mystery of a UFO was spotted over Fox Cities stadium last Saturday. They say it was just fireworks. Like space aliens wouldn’t be drawn to Grand Chute. We disagree. In fact, we think there’s 10….


10. Big summer sale on alien size panties at the Dress Barn.

9. Drawn by the mouthwatering aroma of  burning Italian food from last week’s Bucca de Beppo fire.

8. Didn’t have enough change for the meters to park their spaceship in Appleton.

7. They were looking for their leader, a humanoid with grayish complexion and enormous, oversized head, and didn’t realize they’d overshot the Fox 11 studio by 30 miles.

6. They were looking for other alien life forms and figured there was no better place to start than Wal-Mart.

5. There is no #5. It was abducted by space aliens.

4. Thought somebody was signaling them but it was just the sun reflecting off our news honey, Jeanne Anthony’s freshly Armor-Alled face.

3, While looking for perfect place to land, spotted large red bull’s-eye on Fox River Mall.

2. Needed a Grand Chute because the Little Chute wasn’t big enough for the anal probe.

1. Hey, they were searching for signs of intelligent life. Where were they going to land? Sheboygan?
posted by: Rick and Len at 2:48 pm Comment On This Post

jun 26th 2012
A man who hangs around New York’s Central Park dressed as Elmo, the lovable Sesame Street character, was handcuffed by New York City cops Sunday and whisked away in an ambulance after he launched into one of his trademark anti-Semitic rants. The unidentified man in the Elmo costume was removed from the vicinity of the Central Park Zoo, where he has alternately posed for photos with park visitors, screamed curses, and launched into diatribes about assorted Jewish conspiracies


10. Big Bird…hangs out at waysides begging burly truckers to pluck him hard.

9. Animal…a debilitating head injury made him a vegetable before dying and becoming a mineral.

8. Elmo…Forget the tickling…only thing that makes him giggle is his annual prostate exam.

7. Dr. Bunson Honeydew…charged with unintentional manslaughter after Beeker was killed in an explosion in his illegal meth lab.

6. Cookie Monster…a group of Girl Scout accused him of inappropriately touching their Dose-Se-Does.

5. Kermit…has dangerously high cholesterol caused by 30 years of eating pork.

4. Ernie…left Bert for brief, torrid affair with Ricky Martin.

3. Oscar the Grouch…was recently arrested for soliciting a undercover officer to stick things in his can.

2. The Swedish Chef…was actually born in Kenya, yet despite pleas from Donald Trump refuses to release actual birth certificate.

1. Fozzie Bear…chunks of a couple hikers who went missing in Yellowstone found in his stool.
posted by: Rick and Len at 2:05 pm Comment On This Post

jun 12th 2012
A woman in Columbus, Ohio is suing the city because they impounded her 2002 Saturn after an accident and won’t return it. She is demanding 500 BILLION DOLLARS in damages.


10. Cigarette lighter is a topless hottie with a great rack wielding a 18K gold Zippo.

9. Seat not only warms your butt but wipes it as well.

8. There’s an honest lawyer in the trunk…and those are so rare one must be worth at least a couple hundred billion.

7. Ballistic missile launcher for dealing with overly aggressive tailgaters or Illinois drivers.

6. Upholstered seats made entirely from tough, leathery skin of crazy tanning mom.

5. Every time you honk your horn it magically takes 10 seconds off the life of a Kardashian.

4. It’s made entirely from spare parts of Bill Gates and Warren Buffett.

3. Every time you blow a gasket, it blows you back.

2. Has a unique internal combustion engine that eschews gas in favor of running on infinite supply of crushed dreams of disappointed Cubs fans.

1. Has a radio that not only filters out political ads but also has no 101.1.
posted by: Rick and Len at 4:39 pm Comment On This Post

jun 7th 2012
A guy in Manchester, New Hampshire was robbed while wearing a chicken suit. What kind of guys robs a dude dressed like a chicken? How little self-respect does this guy have as a criminal? To help you avoid making the same mistake, here’s the…


10. How do you think a guy busted for robbing a kid in a chicken suit will do in prison?

9. Do you want to get charged with “fowl play”?

8. Does he know the 11 secret herbs and spices.

7. If this goes wrong, am I okay being known as the guy who got the stuffing beat out of him by some dude dressed like Big Bird’s special needs cousin?

6. How much money could a guy who makes a living impersonating poultry really be carrying?

5. How long until the Statue of Liberty woman is back outside the tax place?

4. If I throttle him during the robbery, will I be charged with choking the chicken in public?

3. Is he concealing a gun in his egg hole?

2. What’s more embarrassing? Wearing a chicken suit? Robbing a guy wearing a chicken suit. Or getting your ass kicked by Scott Walker twice in less than two years?

1. Will I fry for this?
posted by: Rick and Len at 4:17 pm Comment On This Post

may 31st 2012
10. Overpowering smell that comes with changing dirty diapers doesn’t seem that bad to new parents who’ve spent their lives living downwind of Kaukauna.

9. No matter how dumb your kid is, their third grade composition will seem like the work of Shakespeare after you’ve been reading the Post Crescent.

8. Driving around town pointing out all the bars, fun way to teach them to count to over a hundred.

7. No better way to demonstrate to a child the meaning of the phrase “time is money” than plugging quarters into downtown parking meters. 

6. They learn a healthy respect for the law by watching their parents drive carefully past police cruisers after they’ve had a couple beers.

5. Children are reminded to eat a healthy breakfast like a bowl of Rice Krispies every time they see Mayor Hanna who has started looking like Snap, Crackle and Pop’s grandfather.

4. Number of bars that have darts, pool, foosball, ski-ball and illegal gambling machines makes it feel like there’s a Chuck E. Cheese but without an underpaid kid in a stinky rat costume on nearly every block.

3. If they’re nearly beaten to death, Appleton’s mayor WILL count it as a violent crime.

2. Reading Outagamie County signs supporting Scott Walker good way to teach children how to NOT spell the word “governor”.

1. The Catholic church transferring fewer rapey priests to the area.
posted by: Rick and Len at 9:57 am Comment On This Post

may 17th 2012

10. The 10-foot pole women wouldn’t touch Rick with.

9. Enough bleach to disinfect they entire cast of the Jersey Shore.

8. A dull straight razor. (that one particularly for fans of early 20th century surrealist Spanish filmmaking.)

7. Eye socket sized stainless steel melon-baller.

6. Rusty fishing lure with dirty Eagle Claw treble hook.

5. The needle of a syringe you found dangling from Courtney Love’s bony arm.

4. Same ice pick you used to chip off a few cubes to make yourself a drink you incorrectly thought would be strong enough to get those naked images out of your head.

3. Ralphie’s Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle from A Christmas Story.

2. One of those long, metal poles they stick in a chicken’s ass to make it go around on a rotisserie.

1. The sharp pointy tip of one of the Kardashian sister’s dunce caps.
posted by: Rick and Len at 11:35 am Comment On This Post

sep 9th 2011

10. Spent the entire speech chain smoking Newports.

9. He asked congress for $30 billion dollars to financing sending each unemployed American a nice plate of fudge.

8. He grew a bitchin’ Fu Manchu mustache that makes the one Aaron Rodgers had look like peach fuzz.

7. Spent three quarters of the speech singing along with Kid Rock while watching NFL Kick Off celebration streaming on his iPad

6. Admitted the reason the Jennifer Lopez split with Mark Anthony is he’s been banging Lopez like a cheap gong.

5. Kept referring to the always orange Speaker of the House John Boehner as Snookie with a penis.

4. Tried to distract nation from the on-going economic crisis by begging his Vice President Joe Biden to shoot an old man in the face.

3. Spent most of the speech trying out material he’d prepared for the upcoming Comedy Central Charlie Sheen Roast. (it was creepy how he kept calling Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi his “goddesses”.)

2. Revealed the only job he was really interested in saving was his own.

1. Admitted “No, we cant”.
posted by: Rick and Len at 10:41 am Comment On This Post

aug 24th 2011

10. 5.8 not nearly a big enough jolt to knock any sense into congress.

9. If a quake that powerful hit the Midwest it could reduce Detroit to unlivable rubble if Detroit wasn’t already unlivable rubble.

8. Earthquake damage is expected to take months for residents to repair, weeks for Insurance evaluators to assess and seconds for Republicans to blame on Obama.

7. I wonder if the Tsunami watch for the reflecting pool between the Lincoln Memorial and Washington Monument has expired.

6. After engineers discovered a crack near the top of the Washington Monument, former DC mayor Marion Berry immediately smoked it.

5. Today, experts will evaluate the damage the top of the Washington Monument. They’ll decide if it can be repaired, in which case they’ll call in stone masons or if the tip has to be removed in which case they call in a rabbi.

4. After the quake, the underwear of east coast residents had more brown spots than a herd of leopards.

3. There is no #3. It’s hiding under it’s bed in case there’s an aftershock.

2. It was probably caused by Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson hitting a tectonic plate while trying to dig us out of this hole.

1. The National Cathedral sustained significant damage while Fed-Ex Field and thousands of bars were largely unaffected proving even god would rather get drunk and watch football on Sunday than go to church.
posted by: Rick and Len at 11:13 am Comment On This Post