Here's what celebrities were doing on St. Patrick's Day....
Representative Eric Massa...He's going to spend his day looking for a shirt that says "Tickle Me, I'm Irish!"
Barrack Obama...will spend St. Patrick's day searching for a leprechaun to lead him to his pot of gold because it's the only way he's going to get any funding for health care. The jokes on him, however, since the leprechaun lost all his gold by investing it with AIG.
Rush Limbaugh...will spend the day seeing rainbows and leprechauns. Then again, when you're that whacked out on Oxycontin, every day you see rainbows and leprechauns.
The 4 superglue chicks...They're going to handcuff an Irishman to the bed in a Stockbridge motel and glue his shillelagh to his stomach.
Sarah Palin...will spend St. Patrick's Day at home in Wasilla, Alaska. Which is okay since she can see Ireland from her house.
Former New York Governor Elliot Spitzer...is going to pay an Irish girl thousands of dollars to kiss his Blarney Stones.
Michael Jackson...after spending years turning from black to white, will, for the first time, spend St. Patrick's Day turning an appropriate shade of green.
Len Nelson...will take some time today to dance a traditional Irish jig...to the Village People's YMCA.
Tiger Woods...will spend St. Patrick's Day looking for a lucky four leaf clover...assuming, of course, that four leaf clovers can be found growing the vulvas of cocktail waitresses and porn stars.