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mar 22nd 2010
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 22nd 2010
SURPRISING PROVISIONS IN THE HEALTH CARE BILL

10. Male patients will receive 10% discount on check-ups if they agree to get prostate examine from a doctor with fat fingers.

9. Concertgoers who sustain injuries related to moshing or head banging can only be treated by doctors named Love or Feelgood.

8. Cialis users will only be encouraged to call a doctor if their erection lasts more than FIVE hours.

7. Insurance companies will be required to recognize as doctors not just those who have attended certified medical schools but also anyone who stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

6. Patients seeking a vasectomy will be given detailed instructions and a rusty toe nail clipper.

5. Instead of taking a family medical history, doctors will save time by merely smacking patients on the ass and asking "Whose your daddy?".

4. Expensive emergency room physicians will be replaced with high school phy-ed teachers who will treat patients suffering from severe chest pains by instructing them to "walk it off".

3. Before resorting to prescribing expensive drugs to treat erectile dysfunction, doctor's must first try kissing it to make it better.

2. Instead of oxygen, recovering surgical patients will be given helium which, while being no less expensive, will be far more entertaining for the nurses who will get to hear them as they cry for help in comical, high pitched voices.

1. Wisconsin division one basketball players will be encouraged to avoid choking hazards such as chicken bones, toothpicks and playing in the NCAA tourney.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 19th 2010

We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week...the Fond du Lac man who punctured the tires on his own truck because he didn’t want his wife driving it while he was in jail. The man was arrested and taken to jail on a bail jumping charge. Police found the man and arrested him only because they received the report of him puncturing his own tires.

So,

For not just making a-hole but being an a-hole.

For trying to prevent his wife from leaving the house while guaranteeing that he, himself won’t be going anywhere for a while, either.

And for getting himself locked up where he could possibly have more miles put on him than his wife ever could have ever put on his truck.

We are proud to name the Fond du Lac man who punctured the tires to his own truck to stop his wife from driving it while he was in jail as this week’s Rick and Len...WEENIE OF THE WEEK.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 19th 2010
The Ferrari of Comedy...Tanyee Lee Davis, all 3 foot 6 inches of her, joins Rick and Len at 8 this morning. See her this weekend at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton. Make your reservations by calling 920-734-JOKE.


http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/watch/The_downside_of_waxing
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 18th 2010



New Academy Award winner Sandra Bullock has reportedly separated from her husband Jesse James after a woman who goes by the name Bombshell McGee claims she's been boffing him. Who do you prefer Bullock or Bombshell?
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 17th 2010
Here's what celebrities were doing on St. Patrick's Day....

Representative Eric Massa...He's going to spend his day looking for a shirt that says "Tickle Me, I'm Irish!"

Barrack Obama...will spend St. Patrick's day searching for a leprechaun to lead him to his pot of gold because it's the only way he's going to get any funding for health care. The jokes on him, however, since the leprechaun lost all his gold by investing it with AIG.

Rush Limbaugh...will spend the day seeing rainbows and leprechauns. Then again, when you're that whacked out on Oxycontin, every day you see rainbows and leprechauns.

The 4 superglue chicks...They're going to handcuff an Irishman to the bed in a Stockbridge motel and glue his shillelagh to his stomach.

Sarah Palin...will spend St. Patrick's Day at home in Wasilla, Alaska. Which is okay since she can see Ireland from her house.

Former New York Governor Elliot Spitzer...is going to pay an Irish girl thousands of dollars to kiss his Blarney Stones.

Michael Jackson...after spending years turning from black to white, will, for the first time, spend St. Patrick's Day turning an appropriate shade of green.

Len Nelson...will take some time today to dance a traditional Irish jig...to the Village People's YMCA.

Tiger Woods...will spend St. Patrick's Day looking for a lucky four leaf clover...assuming, of course, that four leaf clovers can be found growing the vulvas of cocktail waitresses and porn stars.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 16th 2010
In honor of St. Patrick's Day, here's a DIY video for the Irish Drinking Song (Drink and Fight) by Buck-O-Nine!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBsrZ-016fs&feature=player_embedded

And here's a video from one my favorite bands in the world: Black 47.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GViXO8bZDz8&feature=player_embedded

Erin go bragh! See you at the Irish Fling!

--Rick--
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 15th 2010
February 21st City of Neenah
A Gay Drive man told police that a woman at his residence was throwing his things and trying to lock him and his dog out of the house. Police found the couple was just drunk and arguing about their relationship.

February 16th Calumet County
Police received a report of a shanty burglary. According to police the thief took a stove, 2 heaters, 2 wrenches, and "even the wine!".

March 7th City of Waupun
A woman on McKinley Street called police to report she had found a half case of beer on her front lawn.

February 24th City of De Pere
Police were called to the Sports Corner where a man became “aggressive” after he was refused service because he knocked over a bar stool.

March 6th Village of Winneconne
Police warned a 52-year-old woman to stop calling her former friend, a 31-year-old woman, over allegations that the younger one had spread rumors about the other one's daughter. Police suggested the two avoid one another and “start acting like grown-ups”.

March 1st Village of Winneconne
Police were contacted by a man who was concerned about the behavior of his brother. The man told police his brother had been playing with dog toys, spending long periods in the bathroom and tried to start his car with a scissors, thinking they were keys.

February 22nd City of Menasha
Police were called to Tayco Street where two women were arguing outside a bar about “someone sleeping with someone else’s boyfriend.” The women were told to “behave”.

March 9th Village of Howard
Police were called to Bay View Middle School where they cited a 13-year-old boy for disorderly conduct after he pushed a dollar bill into the cleavage of a girl's tank top,. The boy said he was dared by others to do it.

March 7th City of Green Bay
Police were notified that two men burglarized an apartment at Flats on the Fox on North Washington Street and left in a pickup truck. Also taken from the residence were a pair of men’s shoes and… a box of cookie dough.

February 27th City of Chilton
A disturbance was reported on North Madison. A male subject who was in a lot of pain because of an infected tooth became violent and broke a window in the bathroom. The reporting party stated that the man had calmed down. However, he refused to go to a dentist and indicated that he would pull his own tooth out with a pliers.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 15th 2010
Well, the results are in. And after a week of voting here at WAPL.com, I, Rick, have been chosen by you the listeners as "the most likely to be arrested in Mexico" during this year's International Incident trip. Well, screw you! I have returned without seeing the inside of a Mexican jail!

How did I do it. Well, here's the:

TOP TEN REASONS I WASN’T ARRESTED IN MEXICO

10. Just being a drunken a-hole not specifically against any Mexican laws.

9. I bought off the local authorities with a bunch of Snuggies and Slankets...or as they're known in Mexico: ponchos.

8. Peeing in the streets is totally acceptable there which is why Puerto Vallarta is known worldwide as "Fond du Lac on the Mexican Pacific".

7. Mexican police felt sorry for me after seeing my 3rd degree case of "thong burn".

6. Convinced local authorities that returning to Wisconsin and working with Len was a worse punishment than anything they could dole out.

3. Bribed the cop with items 5 and 4.

2. I was recognized by local police as a beloved American entertainer from my picture on WAPL "Feces the Clown" t-shirts. (still available by clicking here!)

1. The sheep didn't file charges.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 15th 2010
How exciting! I returned to work today to find an e-mail from the folks at FOUND Magazine informing me that an item I submitted is their website's Find of the Day!

If you're not familiar with FOUND, it is a magazine that features odd and quirky things that have been lost or discarded and then found by people all over the world.

This was my submission. One of my co-workers passed this slip of paper along to me after he found it on the floor while ushering for a Christmas concert in Appleton back in December. It was folded-over and labeled "Jerk!" on the front.

It truly is does raise more questions than it answers. (such as, if a giraffe's tongue is really 22 inches long, why do female giraffes always look so dissatisfied?)

--Rick--
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 13th 2010
Well, we're almost home from the International Incident. It's about 9:30pm Saturday night and we are flying over Illinois. I'm going to go use the restroom in hopes that they accidentally jettison my effluvium somewhere over Peoria! Fingers crossed!

--Rick--
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 13th 2010
We are proud to name as this week's Rick & Len Show Weenie of the Week... Rob Voss of Valder, who the other afternoon, after a few adult beverages and before coming down from his room here at the resort for the afternoon broadcast, brushed his teeth. And why does that make him Weenie of the Week? Well, because in his "slightly" inebriated state he accidentally brushed with Benedryl allergy cream.

So, for brushing his teeth with and allergy cream which leads me to believe that somewhere on his body he must have a rash that's freakishly minty fresh.

For at least not mistaking someone's thong for dental floss.

And for putting something stiff and foul tasting in his mouth...and he wasn't even a participant in yesterday's Laycation sex contest.

We are proud to name Paul Voss of Valders as this week's Rick and Len International Incident....Weenie of the Week!
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 10th 2010

Last night, virtually the entire International Incident crew went on a pirate ship cruise and a fun time was had by all. However, some scurvy landlubbers tried to pass themselves off as real pirates. (I'm looking at you Jeff & Tammy and Bob & Lisa).

So, here's some signs...you might not be a real pirate!

If when you hear the word poop-deck, the first thing that comes to mind is the time you ran out of toilet paper during a poker game and had to wipe with the playing cards...you might not be a real pirate.

If the only time you've ever heard the phrase "blow the man down" was at a pool party at George Michaels...you might not be a real pirate.

If the only time you've seen a man hung....was at that same George Michael pool party...you might not be a real pirate.

If your favorite letter of the alphabet between Q and T is S (and not Rrrrrr)...you might not be a real pirate.

If you think Davy Jones locker is located at the gym right between Mickey Dolenz and Mike Nesmith's lockers...you might not be a real pirate.

If when you hear the term booty, you think of Jennifer Lopez before you think of gold dubloons...you might not be a real pirate.

If the closest you've ever come to performing an old sea shanty is singing along with the McDonald's "Gimmie that filet 'o fish" jingle...you are definitely not a real pirate!
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 9th 2010
Well, Len and I have been working hard here in P.V...Len has been working on a good buzz and I've been working on Calgaro's last nerve. Of course, I've also been laboring...under the illusion that the listeners are enjoying spending time with me.

I am having a blast here.

However, my most indelible memory of the trip, so far, is still seeing longtime Green Bay alderman Guy Zima digging through the recycling bin at the Milwaukee airport because he's apparently too cheap to buy a newspaper. I don't know if he, like us, was Mexico bound. I'll keep my ears open for news about any gringos getting arrested shoplifting Chirizo sausage in their pants.

It's also important to remember that these trips aren't all just drinking and partying. They are also very educational. For instance, this morning, during the game we called "Doodie Duty", we learned that unlike in the movie Caddyshack, Baby Ruth candy bars do NOT float when you put them in the swimming pool. But, in the words of Bill Murray, "it's no big deal". It was still fun watching listeners swimming after them (blindfolded, no less). Mark Van Boxtel of Green Bay was the winner!

Well, I just saw someone go past my window....and my room is on the 6th floor. I better go find out what that is all about. It is getting a little crazy here, but in the words of Hunter S. Thompson " It never got too weird for me!"

--Rick--
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 5th 2010
We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Weenies of the Week...the folks at the Appleton Post Crescent, who, in a caption on page A-5 of yesterday's paper, identified Appleton Mayor Tim Hanna...as Barack Obama. Well, to be accurate (which when talking about the Post-Crescent is kind of ironic), the caption just said "Obama". We're giving them the benefit of the doubt that they mistook the bespectacled, so-white-he's-almost-translucent Hanna for President Barack Obama and not for Michelle, Sasha or Malia.

So,

For mistaking a guy who is half black for a guy who is half-assed.

For this week being known for the caption they put under a photo, when they're usually known for being the paper you put under a puppy.

And for not being able to tell the President of the United States from the Mayor of Appleton...which, at least, is a step up from their usual default position of just not being able to tell their asses from a hole in the ground.

We are proud to name the folks at the Appleton Post Crescent as this week's Rick and Len...WEENIES OF THE WEEK!
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 4th 2010
Comic Chinaman is going to join us in the studio to wok the house Friday morning. See Chinaman at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton through Saturday night.

Don't wait to book your reservations. Some shows are already close to being sold out. Call and make your reservations at 920-734-JOKE.

Here's a taste of what the wok is cooking!

posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 3rd 2010
A new report indicates that more and more senior citizens are smoking pot. However, as a public service of the Rick and Len Show, here's some signs...

YOU MIGHT BE TOO OLD TO BE SMOKING POT.

If your wife's hat is as red as the whites of your eyes...you might be too old to be smoking pot.

If you can't tell your bong from your respirator...you might be too old to be smoking pot.

If you go through a half dozen jars of apple sauce a week because it's the only munchies you can eat without teeth...you might be too old to be smoking pot.

If you hide your stash by tucking it under one of your spats...you might be too old to be smoking pot.

If you try to sink up Wizard of Oz and Pink Floyd but you can't find a copy of Dark Side of the Moon that will play on your Victrola...you might be too old to be smoking pot.

If your mouth is as dry as your wife's lady business...you might be too old to be smoking pot.

If you can't get used to using the term "dude" after years of using the term "whippersnapper" and find yourself calling people "dudersnappers"...you might be too old to be smoking pot.

If you tell your dealer you want to buy a bag and he doesn’t know if you're talking about pot or for your colostomy...you're definitely too old to be smoking pot.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 3rd 2010
Barack Obama gets a surprise visit in the night from ex-Presidents Bush Sr., Bush Jr., Clinton, Ford, Reagan and Carter to get a few pointers about the Consumer Financial Protection Agency and why they think it's so important. From the folks at Funny or Die! Stars Will Ferrell, Dana Carney, Darell Hammond, Chevy Chase, Dan Akroyd Jim Carrey and more!

posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 1st 2010
February 24th City of Beaver Dam
A man reported to police that a woman was sending him pictures on her phone of her smashing their television. The woman had said children had broken the television with a toy.

February 26th City of Oshkosh
Police responded to an accident site on Oregon Street where a boyfriend and girlfriend in separate cars and driving in opposite directions collided head-on in route to his home. Neither driver was injured but both vehicles sustained significant damage.

February 14th City of Mayville
A 20-year-old man reported the theft of $150 from his pants. At the time of the theft, the man was not wearing his pants.

February 12th City of Neenah
A Forkin Street resident told police she received a pop-up ad on her computer indicating that she had won a watch and needed to pay $4.99 for the shipping and handling. She provided her bank account info and later saw a $89 charge. She said she now receives many pop-ups when she logs onto the Internet.

February 15th Village of Randolph
Police responded to complaints about youth throwing snowballs at the library.

February 12th City of Brown Deer
A 25-year-man who slapped a 17-year-old girl and choked her until she almost passed out was arrested. The girl said she didn't report the incident until the following day because she wanted to get her hair done.

February 15th City of New Holstein
An officer was dispatched to Hickory Lane for a report of people standing around a vehicle trying to flag down other passing cars. When the officer arrived on the scene, he found two older women inside the vehicle holding notes which they had been holding up asking for help. The women were able to yell through the closed windows of their vehicle that the battery on the car had died so the power windows and locks would not operate. The officer was able to communicate back that the women could manually lift up the door lock button, which they then did in order to exit the vehicle.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post

mar 1st 2010
Norwegian Cross Country skier Bjorn Hjelmeset attributed his poor performance skiing the 2nd leg of the 4-man relay to... watching too much porn. Really! Bjorn told Sports Illustrated "I've think I have seen too much porn in the last 14 days. I have a room next to another skier. Every night there were unmistakable noises from his bedroom. So I think that is the reason I stunk up the competition". So, here's our....

SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE WATCHING TOO MUCH PORN DURING THE OLYMPICS

If you accidentally poked another competitor with your pole...and you're a figure skater...you might be watching too much porn at the Olympics.

If the hill they're skiing down for the alpine events is in your lap...you might be watching too much porn at the Olympics.

If you've been seen wandering around the Olympic Village with your medal hanging from an appendage other than your neck...you might be watching too much porn at the Olympics.

If the flame of the Olympic torch isn't as red as the friction burns on your wiener...you might be watching too much porn at the Olympics.

If you've been repeatedly penalized for high sticking...and you’re not a hockey player...you might be watching too much porn at the Olympics.

If thanks to state of the art silicone lubricants, your crotch has a slicker surface than the bobsled track...you might be watching too much porn at the Olympics.

If your elbow has gotten a better workout than the lead sweeper on the Swedish curling team...you might be watching too much porn at the Olympics.

If the Double McTwist executed by Shaun White to garner the Snowboarding gold was nothing compared to the Double McTwist you did in your pants...you're definitely watching too much porn at the Olympics.
posted by: Rick and Len at 12:00 am Comment On This Post