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jun 16th
OIL JOB!
SURPRISES IN LAST NIGHT\'S OBAMA SPEECH ABOUT THE OIL SPILL

10. Spent the entire speech chain smoking Newports.

9. Announced he was putting Vince, the Shamwow guy, in charge of the clean up.

8. Challenged BP head Tony Hayward to naked oil wrestle him in the Gulf.

7. Made inappropriate joke about the size of his tar balls.

6. Admitted the reason the Gore\'s have split is he\'s banging Tipper like a cheap gong.

5. Referred repeatedly to Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh as "Sweet Lips" and "Thunder Thighs".

4. Tried to distract nation from the on-going crisis by getting Joe Biden to shoot an old man in the face.

3. Spent nearly 40 minutes giving out fast and easy recipes for petroleum soaked clams.

2. Held up an oil soaked wad of paper. Claimed it was his birth certificate.

1. Admitted "No, we cant".