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aug 25th
DANCING WITH NOBODIES


The line-up for the new season of Dancing with the "Stars" has been leaked. This season's "stars" include George Clooney's ex-girlfriend, Kim Kardasian's brother, Sonny and Cher's transgendered son/daughter and Jay Cutler's former fiancee. Perhaps the producers of the show are unaware of what a star is. We're here to help. Here's how to tell...

YOU MAY NOT BE A STAR

If the only restaurant you can get in without a reservation is one where you eat while being entertained by a large animatronic mouse…you’re not really a star.

If when you’re introduced to a crowd, you see more blank stares than history trivia quiz night at the Palin house…you’re not really a star.

If your only claim to fame is spreading your legs for someone who actually IS a star…you’re not really a star.

If the only place your name has appeared in the National Enquirer is on the address label…you’re not really a star.

If your only TV appearance was a show hosted by Bob Saget and your co-star was the guy hitting you in the nuts with a bat…you’re not really a star.

If you killed someone you’d actually get convicted of a crime in California…you’re not really a star.

If the only thing most people know you for is getting dumped by the 1st string quarterback of a 4th rate football team…you’re not really a star.

And if the night you banged that drunken Irish chick was the only time you’ve ever been on a red carpet…you’re definitely not really a star!