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jun 12th
The $500 Billion Car
A woman in Columbus, Ohio is suing the city because they impounded her 2002 Saturn after an accident and won’t return it. She is demanding 500 BILLION DOLLARS in damages.

TOP TEN FEATURES THAT WOULD MAKE A CAR WORTH 500 BILLION DOLLARS

10. Cigarette lighter is a topless hottie with a great rack wielding a 18K gold Zippo.

9. Seat not only warms your butt but wipes it as well.

8. There’s an honest lawyer in the trunk…and those are so rare one must be worth at least a couple hundred billion.

7. Ballistic missile launcher for dealing with overly aggressive tailgaters or Illinois drivers.

6. Upholstered seats made entirely from tough, leathery skin of crazy tanning mom.

5. Every time you honk your horn it magically takes 10 seconds off the life of a Kardashian.

4. It’s made entirely from spare parts of Bill Gates and Warren Buffett.

3. Every time you blow a gasket, it blows you back.

2. Has a unique internal combustion engine that eschews gas in favor of running on infinite supply of crushed dreams of disappointed Cubs fans.

1. Has a radio that not only filters out political ads but also has no 101.1.