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jul 13th
REASONS UFOS WOULD COME TO GRAND CHUTE
This week, the Post Crescent claimed that they unraveled the mystery of a UFO was spotted over Fox Cities stadium last Saturday. They say it was just fireworks. Like space aliens wouldn’t be drawn to Grand Chute. We disagree. In fact, we think there’s 10….

REASONS UFOS WOULD COME TO GRAND CHUTE

10. Big summer sale on alien size panties at the Dress Barn.

9. Drawn by the mouthwatering aroma of  burning Italian food from last week’s Bucca de Beppo fire.

8. Didn’t have enough change for the meters to park their spaceship in Appleton.

7. They were looking for their leader, a humanoid with grayish complexion and enormous, oversized head, and didn’t realize they’d overshot the Fox 11 studio by 30 miles.

6. They were looking for other alien life forms and figured there was no better place to start than Wal-Mart.

5. There is no #5. It was abducted by space aliens.

4. Thought somebody was signaling them but it was just the sun reflecting off our news honey, Jeanne Anthony’s freshly Armor-Alled face.

3, While looking for perfect place to land, spotted large red bull’s-eye on Fox River Mall.

2. Needed a Grand Chute because the Little Chute wasn’t big enough for the anal probe.

1. Hey, they were searching for signs of intelligent life. Where were they going to land? Sheboygan?