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jan 23rd

Usually to see a spanking like that you've got to go to a Fifty Shades of Gray movie.

Usually to see a shellacking like that you’ve got to refinish an antique armoire.

Usually to see a pasting like that you have to join me for my Thursday night scrapbooking class.

Usually to see a hammering like that you have to piss off Thor.

Usually to see a beating like that you gotta watch the video of that LA cop pulling over Rodney King.

Usually to see a waxing that thorough you’ve gotta stare at porn star’s cooter.

Usually the only thing you see get crushed that badly is Rick’s nuts on a narrow bike seat.

Usually the only thing you see get that thoroughly battered is a lake perch on a Friday night.

Usually the only thing that takes a licking like that is Bill Clinton’s penis.