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TOP TEN THINGS CONGRESS COULD DO THAT WOULD BE AS UNPOPULAR AS SELLING OUR INTERNET HISTORY


10. Replacing the Star-Spangled Banner with Who Let the Dogs Out.

9. Putting naked pictures of Rosie O'Donnell on the five-dollar bill.

8. Establishing a 75% tax on beer, bacon and fudge.

7. Replacing the eagle as our national symbol with the talking mucus from the Musinex commercials.

6. Enacting strict truth in advertising law for guys on dating sites claiming to have large wieners.

5. Authorizing funding to add likeness of O.J. Simpson to Mount Rushmore.

4. Passing a law that requires the chunks in chunky peanut butter be something other than peanuts.

3. Approving proposal to reconfigure Washington Monument to make it look even more "penisy".

2. Mandating compulsory participation in a nationwide swear jar program to fund steep tax cuts for multi-billionaires.

1. Instituting stringent tax penalties against Apple unless they replace Siri with the voice of Joe Buck.