AN INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT THAT WILL SHIVER YOUR TIMBERS Mar. 10, 2010 12:10 pm
Last night, virtually the entire International Incident crew went on a pirate ship cruise and a fun time was had by all. However, some scurvy landlubbers tried to pass themselves off as real pirates. (I'm looking at you Jeff & Tammy and Bob & Lisa).
So, here's some signs...you might not be a real pirate!
If when you hear the word poop-deck, the first thing that comes to mind is the time you ran out of toilet paper during a poker game and had to wipe with the playing cards...you might not be a real pirate.
If the only time you've ever heard the phrase "blow the man down" was at a pool party at George Michaels...you might not be a real pirate.
If the only time you've seen a man hung....was at that same George Michael pool party...you might not be a real pirate.
If your favorite letter of the alphabet between Q and T is S (and not Rrrrrr)...you might not be a real pirate.
If you think Davy Jones locker is located at the gym right between Mickey Dolenz and Mike Nesmith's lockers...you might not be a real pirate.
If when you hear the term booty, you think of Jennifer Lopez before you think of gold dubloons...you might not be a real pirate.
If the closest you've ever come to performing an old sea shanty is singing along with the McDonald's "Gimmie that filet 'o fish" jingle...you are definitely not a real pirate!
Well, Len and I have been working hard here in P.V.. Len has been working on a good buzz and I've been working on Calgaro's last nerve. Of course, I've also been laboring...under the illusion that the listeners are enjoying spending time with me.
I am having a blast here.
However, my most indelible memory of the trip, so far, is still seeing longtime Green Bay alderman Guy Zima digging through the recycling bin at the Milwaukee airport because he's apparently too cheap to buy a newspaper. I don't know if he, like us, was Mexico bound. I'll keep my ears open for news about any gringos getting arrested shoplifting Chirizo sausage in their pants.
It's also important to remember that these trips aren't all just drinking and partying. They are also very educatonal. For instance, this morning, during the game we called "Doodie Duty", we learned that unlike in the movie Caddyshack, Baby Ruth candy bars do NOT float when you put them in the swimming pool. But, in the words of Bill Murray, "it's no big deal". It was still watching listeners swimming after them (blindfolded, no less).
Well, I just saw someone go past my window....and my room is on the 6th floor. I better go find out what that is all about. It is getting a little crazy here, but in the words of Hunter S. Thompson " It never got too weird for me!"
We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Weenies of the Week...the folks at the Appleton Post Crescent, who, in a caption on page A-5 of yesterday's paper, identified Appleton Mayor Tim Hanna...as Barack Obama. Well, to be accurate (which when talking about the Post-Crescent is kind of ironic), the caption just said "Obama". We're giving them the benefit of the doubt that they mistook the bespectacled, so-white-he's-almost-translucent Hanna for President Barack Obama and not for Michelle, Sasha or Malia.
So,
For mistaking a guy who is half black for a guy who is half-assed.
For this week being known for the caption they put under a photo, when they're usually known for being the paper you put under a puppy.
And for not being able to tell the President of the United States from the Mayor of Appleton...which, at least, is a step up from their usual default position of just not being able to tell their asses from a hole in the ground.
We are proud to name the folks at the Appleton Post Crescent as this week's Rick and Len...WEENIES OF THE WEEK!
Comic Chinaman is going to join us in the studio to wok the house Friday morning. See Chinaman at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton through Saturday night.
Don't wait to book your reservations. Some shows are already close to being sold out. Call and make your reservations at 920-734-JOKE.
YOUR NOT GETTING OLDER, YOU'RE GETTING HIGHER! Mar. 3, 2010 11:02 am
A new report indicates that more and more senior citizens are smoking pot. However, as a public service of the Rick and Len Show, here's some signs...
YOU MIGHT BE TOO OLD TO BE SMOKING POT.
If your wife's hat is as red as the whites of your eyes...you might be too old to be smoking pot.
If you can't tell your bong from your respirator...you might be too old to be smoking pot.
If you go through a half dozen jars of apple sauce a week because it's the only munchies you can eat without teeth...you might be too old to be smoking pot.
If you hide your stash by tucking it under one of your spats...you might be too old to be smoking pot.
If you try to sink up Wizard of Oz and Pink Floyd but you can't find a copy of Dark Side of the Moon that will play on your Victrola...you might be too old to be smoking pot.
If your mouth is as dry as your wife's lady business...you might be too old to be smoking pot.
If you can't get used to using the term "dude" after years of using the term "whippersnapper" and find yourself calling people "dudersnappers"...you might be too old to be smoking pot.
If you tell your dealer you want to buy a bag and he doesn?t know if you're talking about pot or for your colostomy...you're definitely too old to be smoking pot.
Barack Obama gets a surprise visit in the night from ex-Presidents Bush Sr., Bush Jr., Clinton, Ford, Reagan and Carter to get a few pointers about the Consumer Financial Protection Agency and why they think it's so important. From the folks at Funny or Die! Stars Will Ferrell, Dana Carney, Darell Hammond, Chevy Chase, Dan Akroyd Jim Carrey and more!
Norwegian Cross Country skier Bjorn Hjelmeset attributed his poor performance skiing the 2nd leg of the 4-man relay to... watching too much porn. Really! Bjorn told Sports Illustrated "I've think I have seen too much porn in the last 14 days. I have a room next to another skier. Every night there were unmistakable noises from his bedroom. So I think that is the reason I stunk up the competition". So, here's our....
SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE WATCHING TOO MUCH PORN DURING THE OLYMPICS
If you accidentally poked another competitor with your pole...and you're a figure skater...you might be watching too much porn at the Olympics.
If the hill they're skiing down for the alpine events is in your lap...you might be watching too much porn at the Olympics.
If you've been seen wandering around the Olympic Village with your medal hanging from an appendage other than your neck...you might be watching too much porn at the Olympics.
If the flame of the Olympic torch isn't as red as the friction burns on your wiener...you might be watching too much porn at the Olympics.
If you've been repeatedly penalized for high sticking...and you?re not a hockey player...you might be watching too much porn at the Olympics.
If thanks to state of the art silicone lubricants, your crotch has a slicker surface than the bobsled track...you might be watching too much porn at the Olympics.
If your elbow has gotten a better workout than the lead sweeper on the Swedish curling team...you might be watching too much porn at the Olympics.
If the Double McTwist executed by Shaun White to garner the Snowboarding gold was nothing compared to the Double McTwist you did in your pants...you're definitely watching too much porn at the Olympics.
College spring break is in full swing and the WAPL International Incident just days away. With that in mind, it's time to check out the latest trend among hotel guests. It's bed jumping! A website called bedjump.com has become a clearinghouse for photos of folks jumping on their hotel beds in cool and creative ways. Here's some of our faves.
We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Weenie of the Week...the 23-year-old Brown County woman who posted the sale of a 2-year-old child for $800 on the Craigslist website this week...as a joke! Turns out, she's not really a stressed-out parent, but rather, just a drunken idiot. In fact, she doesn't even have any kids!
So,
For committing the biggest hoax of the week...with the obvious exception of the health care summit.
For making us think she was really selling a baby when we should have known better... since the baby didn't even have a UPC code.
For making believe she was selling a baby for just $800 causing prices on the World Black Market Baby Index to suffer it's greatest one day lose since the time Angelina Jolie bought a 16-month-old Somali kid for $300 and a goat.
And for making a joke that wasn't even remotely funny...when BACK OFF, BITCH, THAT'S RICK'S JOB!
We are proud to name the Brown County woman who perpetrated the Craiglist baby selling hoax as this week's Rick and Len...WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
JIMMY DORE WITH RICK AND LEN Feb. 26, 2010 5:22 am
Comic Jimmy Dore will be hanging out with Rick and Len this morning (2.26) from 8 to 9. See Jimmy at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton this weekend. Make your reservations at 920-734-JOKE.
To hold you over, check out this video of Jimmy explaining health care!
