A spa in Starkenberg, Austria has filled three 13-foot pools with 42,000 pints of lager beer because they say the beer can improve circulation, treat skin conditions and even help cure wounds. They suggest bathing in it and even drinking it. We think there are a few drawbacks to bathing in or drinking beer from a spa pool. In fact, there are 10 drawbacks.

DRAWBACKS TO SWIMING IN OR DRINKING FROM A SPA POOL FILLED WITH BEER.

10. You try coming home and telling the wife that you weren't out drinking.

9. Two words...yeast infection!

8. Lifeguards can't save you when they're drunk.

7. Beer makes your swim goggles sticky.

6. You have to refill the pool everyday. You ever smelled a room full of stale beer?

5. Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps keeps coming by to fill his beer bong.

4. And you thought peeing in the pool was a problem before!

3. European women don't shave so much, so you'll be swimming in bush...or is that Busch Light?

2. I like beer, but not the kind that had other guys' man junk soaking in it.

And the number of drawback to swimming in or drinking from a spa pool filled with beer...
Oh, who am I kidding. There are no dwarbacks to a pool full of beer!



A guy in Hoston was busted on narcotics charges while sleeping in a closet with a corpse. His attorney claims that there's a simple explanation. We say there are 10!

SIMPLE EXPLANATIONS FOR SLEEPING IN A CLOSET WITH A CORPSE.

10. The corpse was less lumpy than his mattress.

9. Unlike his wife, the corpse never pulls the covers over his head after farting.

8. Misunderstood when someone told him having a cold one before bed might help him sleep.

7. He had a bad headache and doctor told him to lie down in the dark and put something cold on it.

6. Wanted to sleep on it after having just gotten it with his 20% off coupon at Body, Bath and Beyond.

5. Didn’t realize the body was dead. Thought it was just pining for the fjords.

4. Due to the corpse’s icy, cold lifelessness, he mistook it for his wife.

3. He’s Egyptian and he missed his mummy.

2. Cuddling up to a corpse, while less effective at keeping you warm, still looks less ridiculous than wearing a Snuggie or Slanket.

1. Wanted to do the creepiest thing possible with a stiff in the closet that didn’t involve Ryan Seacrest.

WHERE ARE THE 120 MISSING WISCONSIN GOATS?

10. Minnesota Vikings trying them out at quarterback since they were unable to sign that other old goat.

9. Making blockbuster movie from that book Dubya couldn’t put down on 9/11.

8. Find out for yourself, by coming by Michael Vick’s house tonight and bring plenty of betting money.

7. In an effort to find alternative to high mowing costs, are being released unfed onto Wisconsin State highway median strips.

6. Not sure why they’re here in the WAPL studio and the little bastards have eaten numbers 5 and 4.

3. Being sold at discount prices at Burlington Goat Factory Outlets.

2. Recording musical tribute to Michael Jackson by remaking his 1987 hit “Baaaaaaaaaad”.

1. Have been purchased by area motels to help guests who are tied to their beds by spurned lovers to chew through their restraints.

Rick has been planning his funeral and he wants to serve ice cream. Yes, Ice Cream! Here's he choice of flavors.

ICE CREAM FLAVORS TO SERVE AT RICK'S FUNERAL
10. Body Brickle.

9. Cadaver-licous.

8. Oreo-biturary.

7. Let us Pray-lene.

6. Cookies and Cream-mation.

5. Last Sacra-mint.

4. Rasp-bury Me 6 Feet Under.

3. Hearse-y’s Chocolate.

2. Burn in Hell You Lousy Waste of Flesh Fudge.

1. Sher-bet…you’re happy Rick’s dead!


While looking for items for our Small Town Crime Wave: Coast 2 Coast segement, I was looking at the Wasilla, Alaska newspaper. One of their columnists addressed the question that's been on everyone's lips? Is the Anti-Christ a Homosexual? We took anindepth look at this question on the Rick and Len Show.

SIGNS THAT SATAN IS GAY
10. Was once caught in a Minneapolis airport men’s room taping his foot like he was Lord of the Dance not the Prince of Darkness.

9. Always appeared to be a little light in the cloven hooves.

8. Back in the 60’s, had a brief, unconsummated marriage to Liza Minnelli.

7. Have you seen his red cape? Where’d he get that? Yard sale at Liberace’s?

6. The way his long, pointy tail moves is suspiciously “swishy”.

5. Was an original member of the Village People until they decided they look more butch a guy dressed like a cowboy than one in a campy red leotard with those tacky horns.

4. Despite having a child with Katie Holmes, never seemed that interested in women.

3. He’s the devil Beelzebub had put away for Freddie Mercury that he keeps singing about in Bohemian Rhapsody.

2. The handle of his pitchfork is always smelly and brown.

1. You know that fiddle contest he had when he went down to Georgia? Lost it by playing a medley of Judy Garland songs!

Brett Favre is reportedly meeting with Minnesota coach Brad Childress at an "undisclosed location" to discuss becoming a Viking.

SITES OF THE ‘UNDISCLOSED LOCATION” WHERE THE VIKINGS ARE PLANNING TO MEET WITH BRETT.

10. Someplace there’s absolutely no likelihood of anybody ever seeing them…like the set of that Fox 11 Packer show with Johnnie Gray and the guy with the pervy smile.

9. His proctologist’s office where he’s having John Madden’s lips surgically removed from his ass.

8. At the home of Mark Chmura where the former tight end is instructing him on faster, more pleasurable ways to forever tarnish your reputation with Packer fans.

7. In the corner where Deanna makes him stand for being a whiney little bitch.

6. The museum in Baraboo where he’s getting fitted for a red nose and big shoes so he’ll look right at home during the three ring circus that would be the November 1st Packer/Viking game at Lambeau.

5. At the Walgreen’s closest to the Metrodome so he’ll know all the pharmacists by the start of the season.

4. A church where he’s consulting with theologians to find out when they think hell will freeze over so he can estimate when Ted Thompson will give the go ahead for the Packer’s to retire his number should he become a Viking.

3. The WAPL offices where he is meeting with our general manager about taking over Rick’s job but they rejected him because he couldn’t do the McNeal Liar report since he apparently NEVER tells the truth.

2. Obviously, the Waffle House where he goes to make all his decisions.

1. The hospital where he’s having his fingers amputated, since there’s no point of having them when playing for a team that’s never going to get a ring.


Senator Tom Harken is leading the fight to change the name of the Swine Flu. We've got some ideas!

ALTERNATIVE NAMES FOR THE SWINE FLU

10. Pork Pox.

9. Squealer Fever.

8. Hammonella

7. The Ep-pig-demic.

6. Ziffel Sniffles.

5. Oinkfluenza.

4. The Other White Pathogen.

3. The Great Media Hype of 2009.

2. The Wish I Hadn’t Nailed a Mexican Whore on the Floor of that Filthy Sty in Tijuana Flu.

1. Thrivent Influenza. (Hey, that’s what AAL changed their name to and it seemed to work okay for them)


EARTH DAY--APRIL 22ND!

WAYS TO HELP THE PLANET ON EARTH DAY

10. Instead of using energy-burning air conditioners in summer, reduce your own body temperature the natural way…by eating steady diet of Cool Ranch Doritos.

9. Turn off your cell phones and communicate the old fashioned way…with smoke signals you can easily make by burning old car tires.

8. Instead of using over the counter sleep aids that are manufactured creating dangerous chemical by-products, try getting to sleep using natural means like drinking warm milk or watching Channel 2 news.

7. Don’t stand with the refrigerator door open while you decide what you want to eat when you can conserve energy by simply getting inside.

6. The next time you change the oil in your car, recycle the old stuff by using it to deep fry a turkey.

5. When grocery shopping, instead of using non-biodegradable shopping bags, just cook and eat all your purchases in the store.

4. Be like WIXX and get people to save energy by airing a morning show so lame they can’t help but turn off their radios.

3. Don’t flush your toilet every time you have to use the restroom when you could save thousands of gallons of water each year by simply driving to Fond du Lac and taking a leak on the downtown.

2. Do like the Outagamie County District Attorney’s office and find creative ways to reduce the use of paper and ink, like not filing the paperwork to prosecute the offspring of sitting judges when they’re arrested for violent felonies.

1. Do like we do, and preserve important natural humor reserves by continually recycling the same jokes.


A goose named Molly has disappeared from a home in Greenville. Owners are offering $200.00 reward for it's safe return. Local authorities speculated that it was taken by a fox. However, the goose's owner says that's not possible as there was no sign of a struggle and Molly is "a real sassy pants" that would have put of a fight. Here's Rick and Len's ideas of:

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MISSING GOOSE FROM GREENVILLE.

10. Was taken by still irate Brett Favre fans so they have feathers to go with their tar should they ever meet Ted Thompson.

9. Is opening restaurant next to Hooter’s called Honkers.

8. Not sure, but police suspect fowl play.

7. Is shooting Top Gun sequel with Maverick and Cougar.

6. Is holed up next to a radio, dialing her beak off in effort to be caller #30. (She wants to see Skynyrd in London. Big fan of Free Bird!)

5. Is someplace nobody would be likely see it, like the showroom of GM dealership.

4. Gave it’s life so Bjork has something to wear to next year’s Academy Awards.

3. Same place Len is today. Torturing school children with an accordion.

2. Can’t say, but the last anyone saw her she was dressing.

1. Was stolen by WIXX listeners who plan to pluck it’s feathers to make a comfy pillow on which they can lay their sleepyheads while nodding off listening to that boring ass excuse for a radio station.


This week, for the first time in years, authorities at the Outagamie County Jail in Appleton are making tampons available to female inmates. Until now, inmates have had to use pads or, in some cases, make their own tampons from the pads. Jailers had discontinued tampons some years ago because the women were using them to curl their hair (presumably before they used them anywhere else).

Now, with tampons returning, these slogans for the Outagamie County Jail will be outdated.
10. The Outagamie County Jail: Our cells may be small but our pads are maxi.

9. The Outagamie County Jail: There are no light days in lock up.

8. The Outagamie County Jail: This will leave a stain on more than just your permanent record.

7. The Outagamie County Jail: Where we can lock you up but nobody can contain your Aunt Flo.

6. The Outagamie County Jail: You may be locked up but you’re still going to Stay Free.

5. The Outagamie County Jail: Where doing your time is like checking in at the Red Roof Inn.

4. The Outagamie County Jail: You might as well cross your “red-headed cousin from down south” off your “monthly visitor” list.

3. The Outagamie County Jail: This place is bloody ridiculous.

2. The Outagamie County Jail: Because every 28 day sentence ends in a period.

1. The Outagamie County Jail: You’ll serve your time with no strings attached.


Well, David Letterman got married. We believe, that leaves Rick as the last remaining over 45, single, straight male in the United States.

TOP TEN REASONS TO MARRY RICK.

10. You’ll never have to listen to your family and friends make jokes like “You could have done a lot worse”.

9. In the long run, the ten foot pole you wouldn’t touch him with is much cheaper than traditional contraceptives.

8. While he can’t promise you a life filled with joy, he can guarantee you one big laugh on our wedding night.

7. He won’t make you sign one of those tacky pre-nup’s unless you really think that should your marriage fail, you’re going to want half of the $38.17 in his 401K and a portion of his giant ball of used foil.

6. You don’t have to worry that when you meet his friends they’ll be unwelcoming and judgmental….since he doesn’t have any.

5. You won’t have to worry about having somebody sweep up the rice after the ceremony since anybody who knows him will clearly be throwing objects that are much larger and heavier.

4. Marrying him will make your life-long dream finally come true. Assuming your life long dream is getting a green card.

3. If you need a priest to perform the ceremony, I can always get the one who touched him in grade school. (Just kidding, the priest only touched the cute kids!)

2. The only time you’ll ever have to deal with his ex’s is occasionally laundering the sweaters made from their wool.

1. He’s “something old”, as his bride, you would be “something new”, the time he’s living on is “something borrowed” and his balls are “something blue”.


The Sesame Street Workshop has announced that due to the recession, they are cutting about a 5th of their workforce and making other budget cuts. Here's Rick and Len's:

SIGNS THE RECESSION HAS HIT SESAME STREET.

10. Unable to continue paying for a apartment with so much storage space, Bert and Ernie forced to finally come out of the closet.

9. The Count is now spending most of his days just counting the number of ways he’d like to kick his stockbroker’s ass.

8. Cookie Monster forced to give up Oreos in favor of those cheap-ass Hydrox.

7. Producers have sold Kermit’s legs to a fancy French restaurant.

6. Mr. Hooper’s store has been burned to the ground for the insurance money.

5. Big Bird was plucked clean by an angry mob on their way to tar and feather Bernie Madoff.

4. Highly paid puppeteers have been replaced with unemployed airport security screeners who are equally skilled at putting their hand up some character’s butt.

3. Before departing, terminated workers made sure producers were aware that today’s show was being brought to them by the letter’s “F – U”.

2. Oscar the Grouch supplementing income by charging gay men to stick things in his can.

1. No matter how much you tickle him, Elmo just stares at his 401K and uncontrollably weeps.

This past week, a lost photograph of Abraham Lincoln was discovered. (Apparently it was in a batch or pictures his family forgot to pick up at Walgreen's back during the reconstruction!) However, Rick and Len have their doubts about it's authenticity.

SIGNS THE PHOTO OF LINCOLN ISN’T LEGIT.

10. He’s wearing low rider jeans and a FUBU jersey.

9. It was shot with a night vision camera and he appears to be getting a hummer from Paris Hilton.

8. It was supposedly taken in 1865 but it shows him standing in front of a Starbucks drinking a mochaccino when Starbucks didn’t start serving mochaccinos until at least the late 1870s.

7. It was taken in front of the Lincoln Memorial.

6. He’s not wearing a big goofy hat and everyone knows Lincoln loved big goofy hats.

5. The confederate flag tattooed on his forehead.

4. He appears to be shaking hands with Forrest Gump.

3. He appears to be posing on an Appleton street corner with a headless gorilla.

2. He’s Twittering on his Blackberry. (Boy, that sounds dirty!)

1. His skirt is riding up so high, as he gets out of a limo you can see his "rail-splitter".

A man in Maryland called 9-1-1 after he injured his girlfriend in accident that involved a sex toy attached to saber saw. Previously, I never thought sex toys needed a warning lable that read "Do not attach to a saber saw!" Or that saber saws needed a warning label reading "Do not attach to sex toys!" Here's some other items we previously didn't think needed warning labels (and the warnings they need attached!)


OTHER WARNINGS
10. On razor blades: Not to be taken orally.

9. On fire crackers: Not for use as suppositories.

8. On electric irons: Do not use to get the wrinkles out of your sack.

7. On Fox 11 News: Do not watch while operating heavy machinery.

6. On Hillary Clinton: Prolonged viewing may cause impotence.

5. On Paris Hilton: Do not ingest if allergic to seafood. Contains crabs!

4. On the Milwaukee Brewers: Danger: choking hazard!

3. On WIXX: May induce vomiting.

2. On Rush Limbaugh. Just a figure of speech. Do not attempt to use as an actual douche bag.

1. On the Shamwow: Repeated misuse may lead to job loss!


DC Comics has announced that following the "death" of Batman, the lesbian superhero Batwoman will take over as the featured star of their longrunning Detective Comics for a few months. Here's Rick and Len's:

TOP TEN SIGNS THAT BATWOMAN IS A LESBIAN.

10. Her new cape and cowl are made of flannel.

9. Not in the least bit interested in sliding down the ole Bat-pole.

8. Her pointy-eared head gear covers one kick-ass mullet.

7. Despite it’s potential dangers, enjoys munching on poison ivy.

6. Is conflicted about the secret identities of Batman and Robin, not minding Bruce but doesn’t like Dick.

5. Has been frequently spotted stroking Cat Woman’s, ahh… kitty.

4. Her Bat-Signal is a silhouette of Rosie O’Donnell enjoying a taco.

3. That’s not a utility belt she’s strapping on.

2. Doesn’t wear the mask to protect her secret identity but rather because she’s embarrassed to have people know she’s Dick Cheney’s daughter.

1. She loves yodeling in the Bat Cave.



With Wicked at the Fox Cities Performing Art Center, here's Rick and Len's...

TOP 10 STORYLINES FOR SEQUEL TO THE WIZARD OF OZ

10. The Scarecrow moves to Crawford, Texas to join a support group for people without brains founded by a former U.S. President.

9. Dorothy moves to Green Bay after it’s revealed to be the only place that has a shorter mayor than Munchkin City.

8. . After her untimely death, the Wicked Witch's earthly remains are soaked up with Sham-Wow.

7. Paris Hilton shows up at the Wicked Witch’s castle after she thinks she’s being summoned by the guards when she hears them chant "Ho we ho".

6. Desperate for cash, the Cowardly Lion betrays a friend for $13.72 by taking the Tin Woodsman to the Emerald City Golden Goat.

5. Newly confirmed Secretary of State Hillary Clinton dies tragically in an accident involving a bucket of water.

4. The story is moved to Fond du Lac after it’s learned that at bar time, all the roads are yellow. (I can already picture the scene were a local caught "painting" the road is informed that it’s called the Wizard of Oz not the Wizzer of Oz.)

3. The Cowardly Lion’s fears are proved to be well grounded, when during a trip to Alaska, he is shot and killed from a helicopter by Sarah Palin. (I can see the Emerald City from my house!)

2. The Witch’s winged henchmen relocate to Len’s colon so they can be the monkeys that fly out his butt should I ever get laid.

1. On his way back to Kansas, the Wizard picks up Tom Zalaski so he’ll have an endless supply of hot air for his balloon.


THINGS RICK AND LENI LEARNED FROM WATCHING THE SUPERBOWL ADS

10. If you give a horse enough beer you can teach him to fetch.

9. On his resume, right below Voice of His Generation, Bob Dylan can now add Whore for Pepsi.

8. Rhinos make lousy house pets.

7. Damn, Ed McMahon is desperate for cash.

6. Clydesdales are big, majestic animals who are horny for slutty French circus poon.

5. It’s hard to put on 3-D glasses when you’re already wearing beer goggles.

4. While I’m opposed to domestic violence, I can now kind of understand why Mr. Potatohead might want to mash his wife.

3. The Plexiglas on the front of your snack machine will shatter like real glass if you hit it with a snow globe.

2. Pepsi was not afraid to include a shot of John Belushi in their ad despite the fact that he was more commonly associated with coke.

1. While no American car company had 3 million dollars to run a 30 second ad, no foreign car company had enough money left after buying their ad to make a memorable commercial.


SACRIFICES TO BE MADE FROM WISCONSIN STATE BUDGET CUTS