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On-Air » Rick and Len Show » Weenie of the Week
Every Friday, Rick and Len find someone who has achieved such a level of stupidity over the past seven days that they must be proclaimed the Rick and Len... Weenie of the Week! (and sometimes, a runner up, which is their Cocktail Frank!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 2.10.10
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…a drunken 24 year old Illinois man who, Monday night, reportedly stole an ambulance that was responding to a call at the Tyrol Basin Ski and Snowboard Area near Mt. Horeb, in Dane County. The man then took the ambulance for a short joy ride around the parking lot of the ski area…with the emergency break on…and paramedics in the back…as well as an injured patient, whom they were treating at the time.
So,
For taking someone in need of medical attention for a ride…which is usually the role of our nation’s health care industry!
For going to a ski area…where it was all downhill from there.
And for committing an act of such extraordinary douchebaggery, if he’s not careful, he might just start to give FIB’s a bad name.
We are proud to name the drunken Illinois man who stole an ambulance…with a patient in back as this week’s Rick and Len….WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
COCKTAIL FRANK 2.12.10
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Cocktail Frank…Emily Schultz of Green Bay who struck construction equipment in the closed portion of State 172 eastbound near Ashland Avenue Monday night. Schultz reportedly took the closed Vanderperren Way ramp to get onto 172. Once on 172, the vehicle struck a large pile of ground up concrete and dirt, causing the vehicle to become airborne and land on the driver's side. It then slid down the highway. She was not injured.
So
For slamming into more things than Paris Hilton’s loins.
For driving so poorly, she’s probably seen more flashing blue lights than a K-Mart stock clerk.
And for acting like a horny prison inmate and entering a highway that wasn’t meant for incoming traffic.
We are proud to name Emily Schultz of Green Bay as this week’s Rick and Len…COCKTAIL FRANK.
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 2.5.10
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…Angel Rios, the 25-year-old Sheboygan man who is facing multiple charges after police say he stole the ashes of a stillborn child during an argument with the child’s mother. Rios allegedly took a wooden box containing the child’s ashes and attempted to smash it on the floor. When that failed, he unscrewed the box, took the sealed package of ashes inside and left. He later told police he put the ashes somewhere no one would ever find them, stating the woman would never get them back.
So,
For claiming he put the ashes somewhere that no one would ever find them which makes me wonder if he put them in Rick’s bed.
For doing the creepiest thing a person could possibly do shy of marrying Larry King.
And for actions that make me wonder if he buried the package which would mean that he’s not the only ash hole in this story.
We are proud to name the Sheboygan man who stole the ashes of a stillborn child during an argument with the child’s mother as this week’s Rick and Len…Weenie of the Week!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 1.15.10
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenies of the Week…the two Sheboygan mothers who have been charged with child neglect after leaving an 11-year-old babysitter to care for five children, including a 7-month-old with a 105 degree temperature while they went bar hopping.
So,
For apparently proving that the only way they could be worse mothers is if they tied pork chops around their kids’ necks and dropped them off to play at Michael Vick’s house.
For having the parenting skills but thankfully not the appetite of a mother gerbil.
And for being such “baaaaad mothers”, Shaft is suing them for trademark infringement.
We are proud to name the two Sheboygan women who left 5 kids including an infant with a 105 degree temperature with an 11 year old babysitter while they hit the bars as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIES OF THE WEEK!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 1.8.10
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week …Arizona Cardinals Coach Ken Whisenhunt who this week said he was angry and “irked” by Mike McCarthy’s decision to play his starters for over half of this past Sunday’s game. A decision that lead to Whisenhunt’s Cardinals getting lambasted by the Pack in a game that Whisenhunt himself called inconsequential. This is the second time this season that Whisnehunt has been “irked” by Mike McCarthy’s coaching decisions. The first following the Packer’s lambasting the Cardinals in the pre season.
So,
Getting ticked off more often than names on Tiger Wood’s cocktail waitress “to do” list.
For being more apt to get his undies in a bunch than a volume shopper during a Sam’s Club Jockey Shorts sale.
For getting more irritated than the ass crack of a man wearing burlap thong.
And for being the kind of whiny little bitch who even makes other whiny little bitches stop whining and bitching just long enough to note what a whiny little bitch he is…and then start whining and bitching about it.
We are proud to name Ken Whisenhunt as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 12.24.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenies of the Week, the three Sheboygan men who are accused of possession of explosive devices, one of which went off, causing “catastrophic damage” to the hand of one of the men. The three men, ages 19 to 23, were allegedly planning to use the metal tubes packed with gunpowder to blow up the outdoor Christmas directions of a home they had chosen at random.
So,
For one upping the Grinch by having both hearts AND brains that are 2 sizes too small.
For apparently misunderstanding Scrooge. The expression is “Bah, humbug!” and not “Bomb, humbug!”
For attempting to not just symbolically give a finger to the tradition of gaudy Christmas decorations but rather, literally giving a whole handful of them.
And for not understanding that Christmas, like the immaculate conception of the baby Jesus himself, doesn’t require a bang.
We are proud to name the three Sheboygan men who were trying to use pipe bombs to blow up outdoor Christmas decorations as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIES OF THE WEEK!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 12.18.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…Reverend Stuart Zak, the long time pastor of the Good Shepherd Lutheran Church in Fond du Lac who this week it was revealed stole up to $10,000 from the church’s holiday offerings. After confession to the crime, Zak has since made restitution.
However,
For apparently mistaking the 10 Commandments for the 9 Commandments and 1 suggestion.
For coming up with a truly hands-on way to teach his congregation a lesson about forgiveness.
And for not understanding that while Jesus may be the good shepherd and his followers are his flock, that doesn’t mean he, Pastor Zak, gets to fleece them when ever he wants.
We are proud to name Pastor Stuart Zak of The Good Shpherd Lutheran Church in Fond du Lac as this week’s Rick and Len…Weenie of the Week.
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 12.11.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…Michael Froehlich of Appleton who was arrested Wednesday for allegedly firing three shots into the soffits of the exterior of his own home. Police say that Froehlich told his roommate he was “just blowing of steam” by using a rifle to repeatedly shoot his own house in a residential area on the east side of Appleton.
For those keeping score, Froehlich was Weenie of the Week back in April, when it was revealed that he had had numerous brushes with the law, but apparently, because he is the son of Circuit Court Branch 4 Judge Harold Froehlich, has been given so many “get out of jail free” cards by local authorities that they risk a copyright infringement suit from the makers of Monopoly. For the record, he is also the brother of Calumet County assistant district attorney Jeffery Froehlich.
So,
For exercising judgment just as poor as that of the local authorities who gave him free passes on so much of his other bad behavior.
For proving that just because you’re well connected it doesn’t mean you don’t have some screws lose.
And for claiming the only reason he was discharging his weapon in a public place was to blow off steam… or as that’s been known for the last 20 years…the Pee Wee Herman Defense.
We are proud to name judge’s son Michael Froehlich as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 12.4.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…Oshkosh Mayor Paul Esslinger who, after weeks of rumors, this week admitted that back on November 20th, he got into what’s being called a “barroom scuffle” over songs he played on the juke box at Bottom’s Up.
According to the mayor, the kerfuffle began when another bar patron began to use a remote control to skip the songs Esslinger paid for on the jukebox and he confronted the man about skipping his tunes.
According to eyewitness reports, Esslinger and the other man got into a shoving match before the two men stumbled over some barstools, then scuffled on the ground before other patrons separated them.
So,
For spending more time rolling around on the floor with another dude than Adam Lambert on a first date.
For involving himself in an altercation that seems to have been just one bitch slap shy of being a full blown hissy fit.
And for proving that unlike the jukebox that started this fracas, you don’t have to stick a dollar in the Oshkosh Mayor to push his buttons.
We are proud to name Oshkosh Mayor Paul Esslinger as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 11.25.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…the 34-year-old Fond du Lac woman who, this past Friday, stole a donation jar for a Neenah woman who needs a bone marrow transplant, from the counter at the Planeview Truck Stop in Oshkosh.
So,
For proving that while charity may begin at home, felony’s apparently begin at truck stops.
For stealing from a woman who needs a bone marrow transplant, when it sounds to me that she herself is in need of both a brain and heart implants.
And for icommitting a crime that that makes me wish that she herself were a suitable bone marrow match and her punishment would be to donate to the woman who needs the transplant.
We are proud to name the 34 year old Fond du Lac woman who stole a donation jar for a woman in need of a bone marrow transplant as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIE OF THE WEEK.
WEENIE OFTHE WEEK 11.20.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenies of the Week…the Neosho couple that was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior in Dodge County this week following allegations that they “performed a public sex act just to irk their neighbor”. According to reports, the 43 year old woman orally pleasured her 33-year-old boyfriend on their front porch just to annoy their next door neighbor. The act reportedly took place in full view of the neighbor and five witnesses, including a 9-year-old child.
So,
For proving that having an annoying neighbor really blows.
For coming up with a plan to aggravate their neighbor that I have a harder time wrapping my head around that she apparently had wrapping her lips around.
For proving that while poet Robert Frost thought that “good fences make good neighbors” that a good pair of kneepads make bad ones.
We are proud to name the Neosho couple that allegedly “performed a public sex act just to irk their neighbor” as this week’s Rick and Len….WEENIES OF THE WEEK!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 11.13.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…Packer Coach Mike McCarthy. According to reports, McCarthy had a man who’s worked for 22 years as a member of the Lambeau Field maintenance staff fired for supposedly telling him to “not lay an egg” in the game earlier this month against the Vikings. The man, for his part, vehemently denies having said anything to McCarthy about “laying an egg” claiming to have only said "Hey coach, let's get the boys ready to kick some butt this weekend." Either way, McCarthy had him fired for his comments.
So,
For having skin thinner than Bill Clinton can stretch the truth.
For being more petty than Tom and the Heartbreakers.
For actions that make me wonder if he just did it to make sure he’d know someone when he himself ends up in the unemployment line at the end of the season.
We are proud to name Mike “Mr. Sensitive” McCarthy as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 11.6.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…Andrew Burwitz, the 20 year old Appleton man who this week allegedly committed a drive-by shooting at the home of an ex-girlfriend’s parents in Buchanan. Burwitz failed to roll down the window of his own car before firing the first shot. When police found the glass from Burwitz’s shattered window in the street outside the home, they simply contacted local auto glass repair shops which easily lead them to Burwitz.
So,
For not needing a window for us to clearly see he’s an idiot.
For firing a shot that made a big glass hole…which, coincidentally rhymes with a pretty good description of Burwitz, himself.
And for shattering both a window and his illusions about being the next 50 Cent all with one shot.
We are proud to name Andrew Burwitz as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week.
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 10.30.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenies of the Week… Wisconsin Supreme Court Justices Ziegler, Gableman, Roggensack and Prosser who this week voted to adopt rules allowing judges to hear cases involving their own biggest campaign contributors. This essentially makes it LEGAL for the rich and powerful to buy the verdicts they want with their campaign contributions. Worst of all, Justices Ziegler, Gableman, Roggensack and Prosser then put on a self righteous act that they are apparently shocked, yes, shocked, I tell you to find that people would think that they could not make an impartial decision in a case just because it involves a group or individual who contributed vast sums of money to their reelection campaigns.
So,
For making “justice” in our state available to the highest bidder which, for all intents and purposes, makes the process of procuring the verdict you want from our highest, most esteemed court the same as acquiring a set of Fiestaware on e-Bay.
For putting a price on justice while stopping just short of actually affixing bar codes to their judicial robes.
And for proving that in Wisconsin, Justice isn’t just blind, she’s also a dirty little whore. A dirty, dirty, dirty little whore.
We are proud to name members of the Wisconsin State Supreme Court, most notably, the allegedly honorable Justices Ziegler, Gableman, Roggensack and Prosser as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIES OF THE WEEK.
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 10.23.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…Wisconsin State Representative Jeffery Wood who this week, according to one fellow legislator, “brought shame on the Wisconsin State Legislature” when was arrested on an OWI after allegedly almost hitting a parked car in the parking lot of a Dollar Tree store in Tomah and then driving off into on-coming traffic. It is Representative Wood’s FIFTH OWI arrest. But, in his defense, only 3 of those arrests have been in the last 10 months. Furthermore, in Wood’s defense, this time he was not also in possession of 4.9 ounces of marijuana and this time he didn’t have his penis out taking a leak in the middle of the highway when police arrived on the scene.
So,
For spending more time in handcuffs than Harry Houdini.
For singlehandedly, attempting to save the Wisconsin paper industry…one written citation at a time.
And for “bringing shame on the Wisconsin State Legislature” which is sort of like bringing sand to the Gobi desert.
We are proud to name Wisconsin State Assemblyman and 5 time OWI recipient Jeffrey Wood as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIE OF THE WEEK.
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 10.16.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…36-year old Julia Laack of Sheboygan who, when confronted by police for allegedly stealing beef jerky and a cigarette lighter from a gas station, responded by stripping off her clothes down to her underwear in front of her children and telling police they couldn’t arrest her because she was about to be naked. When police shattered Ms. Laack’s illusion about not being able to arrest people when they are nude, by attempting to handcuff her, she allegedly kicked an officer in the groin and spit in another officer’s mouth. Once in the squad car, Laack reportedly threatened the lives of an officer’s children and pressed her naked meaty ass against the inside rear window of the squad car. Stunningly, alcohol IS believed to be a factor.
So,
From proving that while justice may be blind, stupidity is clearly naked.
For actions that could lead her to prison where she’ll get to learn from fellow inmates just what they can and can’t do with the handle of a toilet plunger when you’re naked.
For not just being a stupid, drunken bitch, but for being the kind of stupid, drunken bitch who gives all stupid, drunken bitches everywhere a bad name.
We are proud to name Julia Laack of Sheboygan as this week’s Rick and Len…Weenie of the Week!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 10.9.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenies of the Week…the Packer offensive line who allowed Aaron Rogers to be sacked 8 times during Monday night’s game. And I think another 3 or 4 times while walking through the airport on the way home.
So,
For providing less protection than a mesh condom.
For letting Aaron Rogers take more hits than Michael Phelps at Willie Nelson concert.
For being more ineffective than potpourri in skunk’s ass.
And for actions that left their quarterback more black and blue than the bastard offspring of Flava Flav and Smurfette.
We are proud to name the Packers offensive line as this week’s Rick and Len….WEENIES OF THE WEEK.
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 10.2.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenies of the Week…Brett Favre, Aaron Rogers, Brad Childress, Mike McCarthy and anybody else connected with the Minnesota Vikings or the Green Bay Packers who has tried to convince us that Monday night’s match up is “just another game”.
Look, we’re used to pro athletes and their coaches lying to us on a daily basis. But this one goes beyond the pale. Saying this “is just another game” is like saying King Kong is just another monkey. The Sears Tower is just another building. Or Michael Jackson is just another dead white woman.
It’s hard to think of another game in the history of the NFL that had two teams that hate each more being played with as high a profile a players that are being driven by having axes to grind or something to prove. All being played upon a national stage that is expected to have possibly the biggest audience in the history of Monday Night Football.
Bonus points to Brett for adding that “this isn’t about revenge”.
Will somebody PLEASE STOP LYING TO US!
In the words of the great philosopher Judge Judy, “Don’t pee down my leg and tell me it’s raining”.
IT’S NOT JUST ANOTHER GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, for telling the biggest lie anyone in the NFL has told since
Marc Chmura said, “I was only there to chaperone”.
Since Lovie Smith said, “We’re committed to Rex Grossman as our starting quarterback.
Since Michael Irvin said, “I swear to god, I thought it was baking soda!”
Since Terrell Owens said, “I’m a team player.
Since Michael Vick said, “Those cages are just for my collection of award winning poodles”.
And since Reggie White said, “Thanks to your generous donations, we’re going to rebuild”.
We are proud to name everybody connected with the Vikings and the Packers who are claiming this is “just another game” as this week’s Rick and Len….Weenies of the Week.
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 9.25.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenies of the Week…The Wisconsin Department of Children and Families, who are responsible for licensing child care providers, and the Wisconsin State Department of Corrections who oversee registered sex offenders. This week, an audit revealed that addresses of at least four registered sex offenders in Wisconsin matched those of licensed child care providers. Both departments confirmed the matches and neither believe any children were harmed.
So, for basing their belief that no children were harmed on information apparently obtained from the Wisconsin State Department of Wishful Thinking.
For making matches like they’re the e-Harmony of Wisconsin perverts.
And for not understanding that they’re dealing with something more serious than peanut butter cups. “Hey, you got your children with my sex offenders”. “And you put your sex offenders in my children”.
We are proud to name the Wisconsin Department of Corrections and Wisconsin Department of Children and Families as this week’s Rick and Len…Weenies of the Week.
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 9.18.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…Cincinnati Bengal Chad Ochocinco who promised that if he scores a touchdown in Sunday’s game at Lambeau he will be the first opposing player ever to make a Lambeau Leap.
For not realizing that if he wants to shoot off his mouth, he should take some tips from Kurt Cobain.
For having what appears to be the dumbest name in the world, until you realize that Ocho Cinco is 85, which is the exact diameter of his mouth in feet.
For promising to jump into the stands “if he scores a touchdown” which is sort of like:
Promising to give everybody a free banana if monkey’s fly out of his butt.
Like promising to film the honeymoon sex video if George Clooney ever marries Rosie O’Donnell.
Like promising to pay for the rings if the Minnesota Vikings ever win a Super Bowl.
It all sounds really bold until you realize NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE EVER GOING TO HAPPEN!!!!!!!
We are proud to name Chad Ochocinco as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week.
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 9.11.09
We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Show Weenies of the Week...Two dumbasses from Stratford, Wisconsin…19-year-old Kolton Kafka, who was charged with drunk driving and knowingly fleeing an officer after allegedly leading Marathon County sheriff's deputies on a 120-mile per hour high speed chase, and 21-year-old Kevin Schleicher, who was charged with recklessly endangering safety after allegedly throwing an empty beer keg out the window of the car while during the police pursuit on Monday.
So...for apparently believing that an empty keg would be just like one of those depth charges they used to dump from ships in order to sink submarines in World War Two...except that the only thing in the tank was themselves...
For thinking that they could outrun the deputies, who obviously were prepared to chase them for a long time...after all, they are from the MARATHON County Sheriff's Department ...
And for throwing the empty beer keg out the window of the car, completely forgetting that DUDE…you had a deposit down on that thing!
We are proud to name Kolton Kafka and Kevin Schleicher of Stratford...and the two yahoos who were in the car with them...as this week's Rick and Len Show ...Weenies of the Week.
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 9.04.09
We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Show Weenies of the Week...Elmbrook Wisconsin School Superintendent Matt Gibson and every parent who vows to keep their kid home from school rather than allow them to hear President Obama's Welcome Back To School Speech Tuesday.
Gibson cancelled the airing of the speech in classrooms next week, caving in to right wing nut jobs who say the speech is just an attempt to politically indoctrinate students. Many parents in the Fox Valley have echoed those sentiments.
The Department of Education says Obama's speech will deal with topics like persisting and succeeding in school and will challenge students to work hard, set educational goals and take responsibility for their learning, which are obviously things that can only lead to socialism...or some other imaginary evil.
So...for trying to make sure that kids won't see their president urging them to try hard in school, because you can never trust anyone who talks smart like that fella...
For apparently fearing that if their child starts getting all persistant and successful they'll start wearing hemp clothing, going to orgies and, worst of all, voting Democrat...
And for being a school official who, instead of using the backbone he WAS born with, buys into the crap they get from these freaked out, scared and delusional parents who are showing their true colors when it comes to respecting the office of the president...they don't...
We are proud to name all of them, school administrators and parents who object to having their kid hear an insiprational call to better themselves through education...so they can grow up to be just like Mom and Dad...fearful and ignorant...as this week's Rick and Len... Weenies of the Week.
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 8.28.09
We are proud to name as this week's Rick and Len Show WEENIES OF THE WEEK...Donte McBride and Lakota Norton...the two guys who allegedly shot a clerk during an attempted robbery at an Appleton Kwik Trip store Tuesday night.
The emphasis here is on attempted robbery…because the pair shot the 62-year-old clerk after he told them he didn’t have much money in the till...and then they fled without taking any cash at all.
So...for shooting a a guy during a robbery but forgetting to get the loot, which is like having Scarlett Johansen invite you back to her place for sex but taking care of things by yourself in the bathroom beforehand just at the thought of it.
For risking a long prison term for attempted murder...for nothin'...which is like stealing someone's car at gunpoint but telling them they can keep the keys.
And for demanding money, shooting the night clerk andf fleeing the scene of an attempted robbery at Kwik Trip...without taking any money...or even those totally awesome cinnamon rolls they always put right near` the cash register, which is like literally putting the crack in the pipe for the addict...
We are proud to name Donte McBride and Lakota Norton..two of the dumbest alleged criminals in the world as this week’s Rick and Len Show Weenies of the Week.
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 8.21.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…. Brett Favre who…oh seriously do I need to tell you why?
So,
For clearly establishing that 25 million dollars over two years is just 30 pieces of silver adjusted for 2000 years of inflation.
For demonstrating that the poem When I’m Old I Will Wear Purple isn’t just for crazy old women.
For proving that the only way he’ll ever stick to a decision is if to lure him to that Stockbridge Motel and have those chicks glue one to his stomach.
We are proud to name Brett Favre as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week.
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 8.14.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week...Congressman Steve Kagen who, yesterday, when I asked him to participate in the Rock for Kids Radiothon by letting people bid on tossing a pie in his face told me and that he has a “really good sense of humor” and he thought it was a “great idea”. However, Congressman Kagen said he would first have to ask his staff if he could do it and he would get back to me. I’m not sure how he intends to do that, since he then left the radio station without either my phone number or my name.
So,
For not just blowing me off but, in essence blowing off the 244 sick kids currently at Children’s and the thousands of others right here in Northeastern Wisconsin who owe their very lives to Children’s Hospital.
For “having to ask his staff if he could do it”. Gee, I suppose, he’ll have to ask his mommy, too. Hey, while you’re at it, Steve, why don’t you ask your staff where they keep your balls?
And for apparently thinking “I’ll get back to you” will be the end this without understanding that I hold a grudge the way Linus holds his blanket…close to my heart and forever.
We are proud to name Congressman Steve “I’ll have to ask my staff” Kagen as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIE OF THE WEEK.
COCKTAIL FRANKS 8.7.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Cocktail Franks...the four women who are alleged to have tied the guy to the bed at the Lakeview Motel in Stockbridge, cut off his undies and glued his woopdeedo to his abdomen.
So,
For making the biggest news anyone has made with something that sticky since Monica Lewinsky revealed she saved the dress.
For taking matters, and his penis, into their own hands.
For proving you don’t have to be crazy to use Krazy Glue...but it helps.
And for creating the stickiest organ anyone has seen since the musical director at St. Paul’s Cathedral tried to play Ava Maria while eating cotton candy and flapjacks.
We are proud to name the Lakeview Four as this week’s Rick and Len...COCKTAIL FRANKS.
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 8.7.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…Donnessa Davis, the guy who got tied to the bed of the Lakeview Motel in Stockbridge and got his whatchmadoodle Krazy Glued to his belly allegedly by his wife, two girlfriends and a another woman. And then, as they say, it gets weird. The “victim” was then, later in the week, himself charged with, among other things, child abuse and threatening to have his estranged wife killed for the insurance money. He also, according to police, recently took an urn with his wife's father's ashes from her home, and threatened to pour a cup of the ashes out each hour she did not call him.
So,
For being at the heart of a situation so bizarre he’s likely to end up as the centerfold in the new issue of Soap Opera Digest.
For being the least sympathetic “victim” since Jeffrey Dahmer had his bell fatally wrung.
And for infringing on the copyright of our sponsor Berge’s Whitelaw Sausage Company, because when your howdoyoudo is glued to your tummy, you can’t beat your wiener, either.
We are proud to name Donnessa Davis as this week’s Rick and Len...WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 7.31.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenies of the Week… Decker Supply Company of Madison who manufactured some new highway signs in Marathon county including one that reads “Exit 185. Business 51 Rothschild-Schofield”. Amazingly, the Decker Supply Company managed to spell only the word “exit” correctly. That’s right. On a sign that included only 4 words, they misspelled 3 of them. They added an “e” after the “i” in Rothschild”. They reversed the “i” and “e” in Schofield. And reversed the “s” and “i” in business. Or should I say “buisness”.
So, for having more trouble figuring out where to put the “i’s” than Stevie Wonder playing with Mr. Potatohead.
For giving those who would visit our state the impression that Wisconsin is populated with illiterate morons who are too stupid spell…when previously that’s been the role of our Gannett newspapers.
And or proving the old adage, “there is no I in team”. But if Decker Supply was printing a sign that included the word, I’m sure they’d find a place to put one.
We are proud to name Decker Supply Company of Madison, as this week’s Rick and Len…Weenies of the Week.
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 7-24-09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week...the 22 year old Oscar Meyer Wienermobile driver who this week, while trying to turn around, mistakenly hit the gas pedal rather than the brake and crashed the giant wiener-shaped vehicle into a home in Mount Pleasant in Racine County causing thousands of dollar in damage and an untold number of cringe-worthy puns by newspaper writers and TV news anchors nationwide.
So,
For apparently believing that just because they have a big wiener you can stick it any where you want. (which, frankly, is a rule that only applies to Tommy Lee).
For ramming a 27 foot sausage through a back door, which is, coincidentally, a recurring dream that Richard Simmons has had since puberty.
And for committing an act that deserves, at the very least, a good kick in the buns. (see, even we’re not immune!)
We are naming the 22 year old driver who crashed the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile into a home in Southern Wisconsin as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 7-17.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…an unidentified member of the Wisconsin State Patrol, who, in a story that came to light this week, encountered a Dixon, Illinois man, Travis Peterson, who was drunk after a concert at Alpine Valley and chose to do the responsible thing and sleep it off in his car rather than drive. However, the unidentified state patrolman woke Peterson and ordered him to leave. Peterson explained he had been drinking but the cop refused to accept that as an excuse. So, when Peterson did move the car, he was immediately busted for drunk driving.
So,
For Proving that cops aren’t really pigs…because pigs have hearts.
For showing that Entrapment is more than just a crappy movie
starring Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta Jones’ breathtaking pooper.
And for, despite being unidentified, leaving us with not doubt that we can accurately refer to him as “Dick”.
We are proud to name that tricky state trooper as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 7.2.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…Thomas Schultz of Cedar Grove who for 2 years has been breaking into the home of a 62 year old neighbor woman, using her shower, playing with her underwear, cutting up her swimsuits and peeing in her laundry hamper. The woman finally got police to arrest Schultz this week after she installed a security camera and caught him in the act.
So, for not understanding that when a laundry hamper is labeled “wet clothes” it’s not a command.
For doing the creepiest thing I’ve read about since the last time I perused my own diary.
For putting his hands in the panties of a woman who’s Hillary Clinton’s age…something even Bill Clinton won’t do.
We are proud to name Thomas Schultz of Cedar Grove as this week’s Rick and Len….WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 6.26.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenies of the Week…parents of the 17 year old west side Green Bay boy who had to be rushed to the hospital on Sunday after he was bitten by…his pet rattlesnake. The rattlesnake was just one of 13 venomous reptiles and amphibians the family kept in their home as pets.
So,
For having enough dangerous, slithering, cold-blooded creatures in their home to start their own law firm.
For actions that can only make one wonder, what made the louder rattling sounds, the tails of their two rattlesnakes or the brain rattling around the head of whomever thought it was a good idea to have poisonous creatures in their home as pets?
And for keeping creatures whose bite can cause dizziness, drooling and vomiting…oh my god Amy Winehouse has been bitten by a rattlesnake…repeatedly…for like 2 years.
We are proud to name the parents of the Green Bay teen who was bitten by one of their 13 poisonous pets as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIES OF THE WEEK!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 6.19.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…18 year old Kyle Schroeder who was scheduled for release from the Outagamie County Jail last week on a signature bond. However, for God only knows what reason, Schroeder reportedly gave his ID to another inmate, 18 year old Ryan Cottner. Posing as Schroeder, Cottner was released while Schroeder, apparently decided to stay in jail. Cottner was picked up at a residence in Kaukauna about 24 hours later. As far as I know, Schroeder is still in the Outagamie County Jail, now facing additional charges.
So,
For proving that even when he’s supposed to be released from jail, he’s still a prisoner of his own stupidity.
For not having enough of the ole gray matter to leave the ole gray bar hotel, even when it’s his time.
And for staying in jail when he could have been released. Why? I don’t know. Perhaps he just didn’t want to leave his buddy’s behind.
We are proud to name Kyle Schroeder as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 6.12.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…a 30 year old Reeseville man, Nick Griswold, who this week allegedly tried to run over a 29 year old blind woman with his riding lawnmower because she didn’t clean up her dog’s poop from his yard quickly enough.
So,
For being tops at lawn mowing but a cut below the rest when it comes to simple humanity.
For being just as brainless as his intended victim is sightless.
And for doing more to disgrace the name Griswold than Chevy Chase was able to do in four Vacation movies.
We are proud to name Nick Griswold who this week is alleged to have tried to run over his blind neighbor with a lawnmower (not to be confused with the Fox Lake man who this week attacked a cop with lawn mower) as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIE OF THE WEEK.
WEENIES OF THE WEEK 6.5.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenies of the Week… Danielle and Karen Helbach who are alleged to have stolen lawn ornaments they used to decorate at their south-side Sheboygan home. Police suspect they may have stolen hundreds of lawn decorations, flowers, lights, gazing balls, birdbaths and knickknacks that officers found in an extensive garden of the mother and daughter’s home.
So…
For purportedly stealing birdbaths which we can only assume they planned to use to bath their tiny bird brains.
For apparently behaving like a couple of horses asses, which is fitting considering how man lawn jockey’s they most have.
For taking a variety of lawn decorations that may have included some of those likenesses of an old lady bending over, a position they both may become more familiar with should they be convicted.
And for allegedly stealing so many lawn ornaments it makes you wonder if they’re both “gnome”-osexuals.
We are proud to name Karen and Danielle Helbach of Sheboygan as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIES OF THE WEEK.
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 5.29.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…D. Benjamin Porter. The Appleton man agreed to a plea deal this week on charges stemming from a scuffle he got into at Republican Party headquarters in Appleton during last fall’s Presidential election campaign. According to reports, Porter went to the campaign headquarters to ask them to stop calling his home. When the campaign worker told him to take the matter up with the McCain campaign, Porter reportedly started yelling and pushed the 60 year old woman down, causing her to become injured when she hit her head on the counter.
So,
For behaving like an idiot during a presidential campaign when clearly that is the role of the candidate themselves.
For knocking around a 60 year old McCain campaign worker, or as John McCain himself would call her, a young, whippersnapper.
And for not understanding that it’s simply not acceptable to rough up a campaign worker just because the campaign they work for keeps calling and calling and calling and calling and calling and calling and calling your home, even though, there is not a man or woman within the sound of my voice who at some point last fall didn’t want to go into one or the other campaign headquarters with a 20 foot meat axe and 50 gallon can of industrial strength whoop ass and start kicking butts and taking names…particularly their own, off of the campaign’s g-damn phone list.
We are proud to name D. Benjamin Porter of Appleton as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 5.22.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…the driver of a blue Ford Ranger pick-up who, Sunday, on Green Bay’s west side, pulled along side a man in an electric wheelchair and yelled some expletives. When the wheelchair turned south onto Hinkle Street, the pickup driver followed blaring his horn. The truck then pushed the wheelchair until its front wheels hit the curb, flipping it over and throwing the man to the ground before fleeing the scene.
So,
For doing a bad thing. A wheely, wheely, wheely, wheely...wheely bad thing.
For committing an act that will hopefully land him in prison where he’ll see how much he likes being rammed from behind.
And for leaving police with little to go on other than that he is white, in his early 30s wore sunglasses and a baseball cap backwards and I assume has the first name Richard because only a genuine Dick would intentionally hit a man in a wheelchair with a pick-up truck.
We are proud to name Green Bay’s wheelchair ramming, pick-up driving jackass as this week’s Rick and Len...WEENIE OF THE WEEK.
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 5.15.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…Antoine Parks of Appleton who had been staying with family members in Kenosha. However, on Monday, when one of Antoine’s hosts asked him to leave, Parks allegedly responded …by biting his host’s ear off.
So,
For getting ear-itable.
For behavior that is ear-regular.
For ear-upting and committing an act that is clearly ear-rational, ear-redeemable and ear-responsible.
For demonstrating that his favorite cereal is apparently Ear-rios.
For delivering a lobe blow.
And for giving me an excuse to recycle all these 12 year old Mike Tyson jokes. We are proud to name Antoine Parks of Appleton as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIE OF THE WEEK.
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 5.8.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…Brett Favre who spent this week cozying up to the Minnesota Vikings only to thankfully decide to stay retired...well, for now, anyway.
So,
For thinking that 16 seasons of playing for the Packers entitles him to an untold number of seasons of playing with Packer fans emotions.
For jerking Packer fans around like he’s Pee Wee Herman and we’re Pee Wee’s plaything.
And for flirting with the Minnesota Vikings in a way that makes himself look little better than the whores they brought in for their infamous 2005 boat party.
We are proud to name Brett Favre as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIE OF THE WEEK.
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 5.1.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…Edward Millay, a 37 year old Fond du Lac man who this week was charged with his 6th drunken driving offense. To be honest, having 6 drunken driving arrests has become so commonplace in Wisconsin that it’s going to take a little something more than that to get named Weenie of the Week. How’s this? When pulled over, Millay allegedly threatened to burn the police officer and then reportedly refused a blood draw because he’s a Jehovah’s Witness and it would violate his religious beliefs.
So,
For allegedly threatening to burn the officer which seems to be taking instructions that all pork should be completely cooked to avoid the swine flu at little too seriously.
For claiming to be a Jehovah’s Witness which seems to me to be about as suspect as Ryan Seacrest claiming to be heterosexual.
And if he really is a Jehovah’s Witness, for being so good at cherry-picking what rules he follows he should be sentenced to community service in the orchards of Door County.
We are proud to name Edward Millay of Fond du Lac as this week’s Rick and Len…Weenie of the Week!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 4.24.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenies of the Week…whomever stole the 8 foot tall, 90 pound fiberglass statue of Ronald McDonald from the yard of Kimberly Village President Chuck Kuen. (A side note: according to the Post Crescent, Kuen reported the theft Saturday after he noticed the statue missing. Had he reported it before he noticed it missing, the Post Crescent would have had a real story.)
So,
For taking something that’s red and white and yellow…and it wasn’t Santa Claus with an incontinence problem. (or the snow from outside the home of a guy with a kidney injury.)
For stealing a clown from outside the home of an area politician but leaving the one that resides inside Appleton Mayor Tim Hanna's house.
And for making off with something with more red hair than the urinal drain in an Irish pub.
We are proud to name whomever stole Kimberly Village President Chuck Kuen’s 8 foot tall Ronald McDonald statue as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIES OF THE WEEK.
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 4.17.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Weenies of the Week…actually, we’re not entirely sure. It’s whomever has failed to file charges again Circuit Court Branch 4 Judge Harold Froehlich’s son Michael Froehlich for any of a number of violent incidents dating back to 2005 including allegations of substantial battery and false imprisonment. As of now, the Outagamie County D.A.s office is blaming Brown County and Brown County is playing dumb.
So,
For apparently passing out so many “get out of jail free” cards they may face a copyright infringement suit from the makers of Monopoly.
For actions that would lead one to believe that D.A. stands not for District Attorney but rather "Deceitful A-holes"!
And for proving that it doesn’t matter whether or not justice is blind when she’s clearly looking the other way.
We are proud to name whomever has failed to file charges against Judge Harold Froehlich’s son Michael Froehlich for the numerous violent incidents for which he’s been arrested as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 4.10.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week… Ernest Krajniak, the 47 year old Appleton man who was charged with arson for starting a fire in his apartment that forced 11 neighbors from their homes and then told police he didn’t start the fire intentionally, he was just cleaning his apartment…with gasoline…while smoking.
So,
For not realizing that cleaning with gasoline is like hunting with hand grenades, it may get the job done, but there could be some casualties.
For at least understanding that he’d make more progress cleaning with gasoline than he would running his car on a full tank of Pine-sol.
And for not comprehending that gasoline and fire are almost as dangerous a combination as Michael J. Fox and Nitroglycerin.
We re proud to name Ernest Krajniak of Appleton as this week’s Rick and Len….WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 4.3.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…Oshkosh’s new traffic vigilante, the self proclaimed…. Tire Vampire… who punctured the tires on a woman’s car, then, in a note left on her windshield, implied that it was her punishment for being a bad driver and ridiculously signed it “The Tire Vampire”.
So,
For creating a new breed of vampire that is impervious to crosses and garlic and can only be thwarted by a patch kit or can of Fix-a-Flat.
For singling out one person from Northeastern Wisconsin for being a bad driver in which is sort of like singling out one person from Illinois for being a a-hole. One member of the cast of The View for being a bitch. Or one Gannett journalist for being a no talent hack.
And for engaging in behavior that is sure to escalate. What next? Hubcap Zombies? An Airbag Dragon? The Carburetor Werewolf?
We are proud to name Oshkosh’s self-proclaimed “Tire Vampire” as this week’s Rick and Len….WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 3.27.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenies of the Week… Neenah police officers Lt. Kathryn Voelker, Sgt. Clint Driscoll and Sgt. Amy Wagner, who were all passengers in a pickup truck they claim was driven by Driscoll's wife, Kelli about 2am January 25th when she allegedly backed into an unattended Appleton Police Department squad car with the truck's trailer hitch, punching a hole in the squad car's bumper and then left the scene of the accident without notifying the owner. All the occupants of the car were sober. Well, at least they were several weeks after the fact when the story came to light. We have no way of knowing what condition anyone was in at the time.
So,
For doing almost as much damage to a piece of Appleton Police property as they have done to the reputation of their own department.
For punching a hole in an Appleton Police Cruiser…when the last thing we need is Appleton cops feeling any holier than they all ready do.
And for doing something that as police officers they had to clearly know was wrong and against the law…oh, wait. It’s Neenah police. Never mind.
We are proud to name Neenah police officers Lt. Kathryn Voelker, Sgt. Clint Driscoll and Sgt. Amy Wagner as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIES OF THE WEEK.
COCKTAIL FRANK 3.27.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Cocktail Frank… Joseph Drake of Oshkosh who Tuesday used a ladder to get across open water to an ice slab on Lake Winnebago to go ice fishing and then declined assistance from emergency personnel during an attempted ice rescue because… the fish were biting!
So,
For proving he has 7 letters in common with his, ahhh, bass hole.
For refusing rescue from a slab of ice…which is all well and good, until you end up on a slab of marble.
And for apparently not knowing his ass from a hole in he ground…which for an ice fisherman, must make it potentially very painful every time he drops a line with a hook.
We are proud to name Joseph Drake of Oshkosh as this week’s Rick and Len….Cocktail Frank!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 3.3.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…the DePere stripper who allegedly stabbed a Menasha stripper Wednesday night in the private bathroom of the Oval Office Gentlemen's Club.
So,
For not understanding that the sharp end of a blade was NOT the kind of tip the Menasha girl was looking for.
For making her co-worker bleed, which is already an occupational hazard the girl faces every 28 days.
And for giving strippers everywhere a black-eye…which has traditionally been the responsibility of each individual stripper’s boyfriend.
We are proud to name the stripper from DePere who allegedly stabbed the stripper from Menasha as this week’s Rick and Len….Weenie of the Week!
COCKTAIL FRANK 2.20.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Cocktail Frank… one of two men in a car that crashed in the ditch while eluding police early yesterday morning in Outagamie County. The man and his friend, attempted to flee on foot, but left behind a shoe and distinctive, easy to follow footprints for police to track. Police followed the prints to a local bar and found a man wearing only wet socks on his feet whom the missing shoe apparently fit perfectly.
So,
for playing Cinderella to an area cop’s Prince (or is it "Prints"?) Charming.
For leaving behind so many tracks, police could have followed him with a train.
And for proving the old adage that you shouldn’t judge a man until you walked a mile in his shoes…unless he loses one of those shoes fleeing the scene of a crime while leaving easy to follow tracks in the snow. In which case, you can safely judge that the man is a dumb ass of spectacular proportions.
We are proud to name the guy who tried eluding area police officers on foot in the snow with one shoe as this week's Rick and Len Cocktail Frank.
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 2-20-09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…a 36 year old Oregon, Wisconsin man who used a BB gun to shoot his 9 year old son in the butt because the boy was blocking the television. The man told police that right after he did it, he realized it was a stupid thing to do. The incident came to light after the boy wrote an essay for school about "the painful afternoon my dad shot me with a BB gun.
So,
For not realizing that a gun should not be used as a remote control for people.
For apparently being such a fan of the TV show Cops, he not only didn’t want to miss it, he wanted to be on it.
And for apparently thinking the B.B. stands for "Boy Behavior modifier".
We are proud to name the dad from Oregon, Wisconsin that shot his 9 year old in the butt with a BB guns to get him to get out of way while he was watching the TV as this week’s Rick and Len…WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 2.13.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…Shane Schrimpf, the Manitowoc man who asked police if he could sit in their squad car to stay warm while waiting for a cab. This despite the fact that there was a warrant for his arrest. While Schrimpf was warming himself in the police cruiser, the officer searched his name through a warrant list and placed him under arrest.
So,
For asking to sit in a squad car when you’re wanted by the police which is sort of like asking to sit in a shark’s mouth when you taste like bacon.
For calling for a cab when he probably should have called a brain surgeon to see about getting one implanted.
And for being either extremely brazen or extremely stupid but since the penalty for both is the same, luckily, we don’t have to choose.
We are proud to name Shane Schrimpf of Manitowoc as this week’s Rick and Len….WEENIE OF THE WEEK!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 2.6.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…whomever stole a flat screen TV from the children’s play area OF A HOSPICE in Sheboygan Falls. The television was for there for children to use while visiting dying relatives.
So,
For committing a crime so heartless, the primary suspect is the Tin Woodsman.
For doing something so heinous, it makes those who would kick beggers, rob graves or steal candy from babies seem like humanitarians by comparison.
And for stealing a television from the terminally ill, which, if karma is really the bitch I know her to be, will result in the culprit living a very long life but one in which the only thing they can do is watch a TV that only picks up The Bachelor, FOX 11 News and any and every commercial starring Billy Maze.
We are proud to name whomever stole the flat screen Tv from the children’s play area at the Sharon Richardson Community Hospice in Sheboygan Falls as this week’s Rick and Len….WEENIES OF THE WEEK!
COCKTAIL FRANK 2.6.09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Cocktail Franks…a Green Bay couple who about 2 weeks ago found some old man’s wallet filled with $1600 in cash. Of course, they did what most any right thinking douchebag would do. They kept it. Then, this week, the couple got in an argument and the boyfriend left but not before taking about a thousand dollars from the wallet. The girlfriend then called police to report the boyfriend for stealing what she called HER money. They money that never rightfully belonged to her in the first place!
So,
For committing an act so brainless, the primary suspect is a scarecrow. (I think I may still have Wicked on my mind from last night’s show at the PAC)
And for proving that while finders are sometimes keepers and loser are sometimes weepers, dumb-asses are ALWAYS dumb-asses. No exceptions!
We are proud to name these two GB douchebags as this week’s Rick and Len…COCKTAIL FRANK!
WEENIE OF THE WEEK 1-31-09
We are proud to name as this week’s Rick and Len Weenie of the Week…a 33 year old Chippewa County man who Wednesday got all liquored up and allegedly made his children watch as he shot their pets.
So,
For not understanding that the term "parenting skills" DOES NOT refer to your proficiency at shooting golden retrievers from a hundred yards.
For doing the worst job of being a parent since wrestler Chris Benoit.
And for giving FOX the worst idea for a reality show ever.
We are proud to name the 33 year old Chippewa County man who allegedly got drunk and made his children watch as he shot their pets as this week’s ...WEENIES OF THE WEEK! |
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