Whenever they show NFL commissioner Roger Goddell…take a shot of Dr. McGillicuddy’s because you’re going to need that peppermint to get rid of the taste after you’ve just thrown up in your mouth a little.
Every time one of the local Gannett sports people correctly predicts who the Packers are going to choose…drink a shot of Liquid Plumber drain cleaner. Don’t worry. It’s not going to happen.
If you’re a Cleveland Browns fan…drink a DOUBLE of anything BROWN if the team decides to DOUBLE DOWN and draft Johnny Manziel again. (They might just be bad enough at drafting to do so.)
Whenever an announcer mispronounces Gutekunst…take a shot of Laphroaig, Goldschlagger, Grand Marnier Cuvée du Cent Cinquantenaire or any other liquor that’s as hard to pronounce as his stupid name.
Every time ESPN shows analyst Mel Kiper Jr…drink shots of grain alcohol mixed with Brylcreem until his widow’s peak starts to seem like a sensible hair style choice.
Whenever they show Packers Senior Advisor to Football Operations Ted Thompson…do a shot of Jägermeister because Ted’s eyes look as dead and lifeless as the deer on the label.
And if you’re a Bears fan and you hear any of the analysts claim your team had an amazingly good draft, making all the right picks and amazing trades… drink anything mixed with a half case of Red Bull to wake up because you’re dreaming!