Some would say that the words “Wisconsin” and “fashion” go together like “Illinois” and “polite”. However, today I’ve been seeing all the pictures from last night’s Met Gala in New York of tarted up celebs wearing wings and wacky hats and gowns with trains so long they should be be marked Canadian Pacific because they would block traffic at the intersection of College and Richmond in Appleton for at least half an hour. My take is that Wisconsinites know more about fashion than these foppish fashion freaks with their haute coutour crap. With that in mind, here’s my…
WISCONSIN FASHION TIPS
- Never wear a snowmobile suit to a formal event without a bow tie and cummerbund.
- If you’re visiting Fond du Lac, make sure your belt and shoes match your penis before whipping it out to take a leak on the street.
- A pink pocket square does not brighten up a camo tuxedo.
- When wearing your best Milwaukee Bucks Jersey…forget that, I’ve never seen anyone around here wearing a Milwaukee Bucks jersey.
- When wearing blaze orange to a wedding, be sure your garter matches the rest of your bridal gown.
- Only a barbarian would mix a Carhartt shirt with a pair of Dickies pants.
- Never wear fur lined underwear after Memorial Day…except maybe this year when despite nice weather this week, for all we know, by the end of the month we could be back up to our nipples in snow.
- An “I Turn on Rick and Len” thing available for just $10.99 at the all new WAPL.com goes with everything.
- A foam rubber Cheesehead IS acceptable to wear to a funeral…unless it makes it hard for the undertaker to close your casket.
- While navy and orange complement each other nicely, don’t wear them together unless you want everyone to think you’re an a-hole.