CRAZIEST REVELATIONS ABOUT PRESIDENT TRUMP IN THE BOB WOODWARD BOOK COMING OUT TODAY
10. He stopped reading top secret briefings once he realized they NEVER include KFC’s undisclosed 11 different herbs and spices.
9. He chose Sarah Huckabee Sanders as presidential press secretary because he was impressed with her ability to put her whole fist in her mouth.
8. He thinks Kellyanne Conway and Tim Conway are the same person.
7. He ordered a justice department investigation of People Magazine after they chose Blake Shelton over him as “Sexiest Man Alive”.
6. When he claimed his crowd was bigger than Obama’s on inauguration day, he really meant his penis.
5. He thinks the Charmin commercials where the toilet paper sticks to the bear’s ass are hilarious.
4. He selected Wilbur Ross as Commerce Secretary because he thought he was Jeff Dunham’s friend Walter.
3. Calls his testicles Eric and Donald Jr.
2. General Mattis was only able to get him to rescind his order to kill the lead of Syria by convincing him Bashar al-Assad invented carne asada.
1. Reports that he thinks his daughter Ivanka is really hot are actually “fake news” and, in fact, he finds her merely “bangable”.