A December to Remember https://t.co/i6hxkyx6Df
— Big Cat (@BarstoolBigCat) December 9, 2018
SIGNS YOUR SANTA MIGHT BE DRUNK
If he’s been spotted peeing Frosty the Snowman to an early grave…your Santa might be drunk.
If his clothes aren’t “all tarnished with ashes and soot”, but there are several flecks of drool and a couple small chunks of vomit on his white fur collar…your Santa might be drunk.
If when he laughs his stomach doesn’t shake like a bowl full of jelly but it rather sloshes around like a half full half-barrel of PBR…your Santa might be drunk.
If he’s so handsy with the female elves he’s known less as that Jolly Old Soul and more as the gentile Harvey Weinstein…your Santa might be drunk.
If after checking his list to see who’s naughty and nice, texts a couple of really naughty ones “you up?” …your Santa might be drunk.
If when children sit on his lap, instead of asking them what they want for Christmas, just bores them with rambling stories about how his ex-wife is a bitch…your Santa might be drunk.
If “his cheeks are like roses, his nose like a cherry” not because it cold but rather because he’s been pounding Jack Dani like it’s New Year’s Eve at Keith Richards’ house…your Santa is definitely drunk.
