You gotta admit it, that while it feels good to get a “W’ against any team in the NFL, it feels even better for the Pack to defeat the hated Dallas Cowboys. Is it the long history between the teams? Is it the whole America’s Team garbage? Is it the “Don’t Mess With Texas” crap? I’m sure all those things play some part. However, the biggest reason it feels better to beat the Cowboys is their garbage-wrapped-in-skin owner; Jerry Jones. In fact, it just feels good to beat the Cowboys because…
Even if he had 50 colons, Cowboy’s owner Jerry Jones couldn’t be a bigger a-hole.
Even if he made the Guinness Book of World Records as the world’s largest odd-toed ungulate, Jerry Jones couldn’t be a bigger jackass.
Even if his parents were house flies and he fed exclusively on rotting flesh, Jerry Jones couldn’t be a bigger maggot.
Even if he changed his name to Richard and became vice-president of the United States, Jerry Jones couldn’t be a bigger Dick.
Even if he had a long tail that could be used to make paint brushes and spewed road apples from his mouth, Jerry Jones couldn’t be a bigger horse’s ass.
Even if he held 500 gallons of viscous, gelatinous goo, Jerry Jones couldn’t be a bigger slime bucket.
Even if he was born with a pouch designed to hold copious amounts of extraneous matter skimmed from the surface of foul, brackish water, Jerry Jones couldn’t be a bigger scumbag.
Even if he was spherically shaped and made entirely of feces, Jerry Jones couldn’t be a bigger turd ball.
In fact, even if he replaced every drop of blood in his circulatory system with vinegar and water, Jerry Jones couldn’t be a bigger douche-bag.
That’s why it feels so damn good to beat the Cowboys!
