Green Bay Mayor Eric Genrich unveiled a $96.7 million budget proposal that would require city property owners to pay as much is another 11.6% in taxes. Well, what if we found other sources cash in the city to cover that budget? Rick and Cutter to the rescue with their ideas for other Green Bay taxes instead of just sticking it all to the property owners.
THE S.O.B. TAX…A $20 dollar tax will be levied on all county Packer fans for every time they yell “son of bitch” during games. The tax will be assessed based on the number of times a receiver drops an easy pass, that number 12 looks too bored to be on the field or Amari Rodgers tries to field a punt. A mandatory $1000 fee will be assessed for home loses to Vikings based on the assumption that each fan will utter the offending phrase at least 50 times during or following those games. The same would true for loses to the Bears…if such a thing was even remotely possible.
THE BUTT TAX…Anyone male wearing his pants so low as to reveal all or part of his butt will be assessed a tax of $20 per centimeter of visible ass crack. The tax is directed primarily at area males under the age of 25 who are most inclined to wear low riding pants and jeans. Accredited plumbers and appliance repairmen will be granted occupational exemptions.
FISHY FRIDAY TAX…A tax will be levied on all Friday night fish fries. The price of the fish itself will not be subject to fees. However, dinners will be required to pay a mandatory tax based on the number of pieces of rye bread and ounces of cole slaw they are served. The tax must be paid whether the bread and cole slaw is consumed or not. An additional tax will be levied on those who order extra tarter.
THE WISCONSIN WATERFALL TAX…Mullet wearers will be subject to an annual duty. The tax will be assessed based on the number of inches the “party in the back” surpasses the “business in the front”. Four times each year, mullet wearers will be required to report to a Green Bay Office of Mullet Measurement where the hair length will be precisely calculated. For convenience sake, offices will be located next to the new Green Bay UFO Museum Gift Shop and Records.
JUST BE THANKFUL YOU’RE ALIVE TAX
Citizens will be assessed a $10 tax for every bullet they dodge while walking or driving on or near Eastman Avenue.
THE TINSEL AND TRIM TAX…City homeowners and renters alike will be assessed a tax for outdoor Christmas decorations left up past the holiday season. The $100 tax will be doubled every month the decorations are still up past the 15th of January until July 1st, at which time offenders will be shot or hanged in a public ceremony outside the Brown County courthouse. Refreshments will be served.
