REAL REASONS DAVID BAHKTIARI MISSED SUNDAY’S GAME
10. Sunday noon was the only time he could get tickets to the Barbie movie.
9. Couldn’t get from his hotel to the stadium because Rodgers took their golf cart to New York.
8. Was letting congresswoman Lauren Boebert fondle his junk at a Broadway musical.
7. Reaggravated his knee while teammates wife, Simone Biles was teaching him to land a triple double.
6. Was doing a pre-International Incident site inspection at Margaritaville in Punta Cana just to see if all the rooms have free porn channels like the place we stayed the last two years.
5. Was on the set of the Drew Barrymore show picking scabs.
4. Unable to rehab by listening to the sounds of mating dolphins like Aaron Rodgers says he’s doing, settled for spending a day on Lake Winnebago listening for horny walleye.
3. Had one of those Mitch McConnell moments that lasted three and a half hours.
2. Was suffering from food poisoning after appearing on FOX 11’s Amy Hanton cooking show.
1. He is refusing to play on any surface this fall that’s not made from pumpkin spice.
[WBAY-TV]
