He didn’t keep Packer fans wondering about his future while spending four days in a darkness retreat.
He didn’t consume M&Ms and skittles by the handful and by M&Ms and skittles I mean Vicodin.
He didn’t suggest treating a SARS respiratory virus with the product designed to drive the worms out of Mr. Ed and Seabiscuit.
He didn’t baselessly imply that any late night talk show hosts were more interested in child pokes than good jokes.
He didn’t create more drama than Shakespeare.
He didn’t text any pictures of his penis to a sports reporter.
He may have dated a girlfriend who occasionally crashed at his place but he didn’t date not one that crashed at Daytona and the Indy 500.
He didn’t cheat on his wife while banging groupies in the basement of a downtown Appleton bar.
He didn’t spend half a season with hair greasier than a porn star’s butt hole just for the sake of a Halloween costume.
He didn’t collude with the former Governor of Mississippi, to have him redirect $5 million dollars in welfare funds he seemingly knew were intended for the poorest people in the poorest state, to build a new volleyball facility at his daughter’s school.
He didn’t embarrass himself, his team, his estranged family and his entire fan base by sporting a frickin’ man bun.
[WBAY-TV]
