London resident Lucy Topping was minding her own business at home when she suddenly noticed some uninvited guests. Two pigeons had mysteriously appeared inside the house and were watching her from a shelf.
Ive been in my house for about two hours, I just looked up and there’s TWO PIGEONS in my sitting room watching me eat my tea. What the fuck do I do? pic.twitter.com/wBtcDA0ag9
— Lucy Topping (@lucytopping) April 23, 2019
All the windows are shut. What is this pigeon magic?
— Lucy Topping (@lucytopping) April 23, 2019
Ive asked them to leave and they’re just LOOKING AT ME pic.twitter.com/YRW11vSz4q
— Lucy Topping (@lucytopping) April 23, 2019
The birds also did what birds do.
THEY’VE SHIT IN MY BATH
— Lucy Topping (@lucytopping) April 23, 2019
I can only deduce that this is the pigeon who we affectionately called ‘Mr Pigeon’ that lives in a cat flat beneath my toilet. (Weird I know) It looks like him and his girlfriend have come through the cat flat, shit in my bath and are now watching TV in a bid to steal my life.
— Lucy Topping (@lucytopping) April 23, 2019
Topping confirmed to Mashable that “cat flat” was in fact a terror-induced spelling mistake.
“Basically there is a cat flap behind our toilet pipe which goes to the outside wall, but we’re three storeys up so no sure what it’s there for?” explained Topping. “A couple of pigeons have lived in the hole in the wall behind the cat flap and that must be how they got in?!
“I know they live there because when they coo, it echoes up the toilet and is a haunting sound!”
Topping continued to attempt to move the birds along:
NOTHING IS MOVING THEM. Not even a tiny broom.
— Lucy Topping (@lucytopping) April 23, 2019
Prick pic.twitter.com/nqLi2Mw7e9
— Lucy Topping (@lucytopping) April 23, 2019
Despite Lucy’s disdain for the birds, they did earn her admiration for one act:
THEY’VE SHIT IN THE TOILET. Respect.
— Lucy Topping (@lucytopping) April 23, 2019
But eventually, Lucy surrendered. Nature had seemingly won.
Have moved all my favourite stuff out, turned the lights off and am having a gin in my kitchen. It is their room now.
— Lucy Topping (@lucytopping) April 23, 2019
OH NO pic.twitter.com/HaPSTMgXvR
— Lucy Topping (@lucytopping) April 23, 2019
After an absolutely nightmarish fight/flight sequence, they left out the window and into the night like nothing happened. Sorry for the screaming, Highbury.
— Lucy Topping (@lucytopping) April 23, 2019
Fortunately, the birds eventually found their way out the window. The pigeons, and Lucy, escaped unharmed.
Unfortunately, there were other victims:
And in the furore I forgot about my baked potatoes that were in the oven. RIP potatoes.
— Lucy Topping (@lucytopping) April 23, 2019
