TIPS FOR STAYING COOL AT ROCK USA
Tip 1. Take advice from President Trump and go back where you came from. It’s probably air conditioned.
Tip 2. Accompany former Bears quarterback turned reality star Jay Cutler to the festival and periodically run under the water spraying from his eyes.
Tip 3. Do what McNeal does and hit on women…just to get turned down cold.
Tip 4. Hang out with Rob Zombie because, ahh, he’s pretty cool.
Tip 5. Wear a Minnesota Vikings jersey and bask in the cold reception you get from the crowd.
Tip 6. While just drinking ice cold beer will not keep you hydrated, it can be extremely refreshing to periodically dip your balls in it.
Tip 7. Popsicles can help lower your body temperature. Even more so if you consume them in suppository form. Beware the Rocket pops.
Tip 8. Use that Face App old-age filter to make yourself look elderly. Old people are always cold.
