It’s been a year. A year since cards, letters and bill payments mailed on September 4, 2018 in Neenah and Menasha went missing and still no idea where they went. The Post Crescent’s Duke Behnke has been intrepidly following the story but still no answers.
THINGS THAT MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED TO THE MAIL THAT VANISHED IN NEENAH-MENASHA?
10. They went the same place as your missing socks, Trump’s tax returns and Obama’s birth certificate.
9. Free beer coasters at Jitter’s Bar.
8. Used as kindling in fire that burned Menasha’s historic Brin Building. (We know the fire was a few weeks before the mail went missing but cut us some slack. We’re working with a pretty flimsy premise here.)
7. Used to make signs that read “Welcome to Neenah-we’re not the one that smells funny.
6. Free paper for high schools’ remedial ass-wiping classes.
5. There is no Number 5. It was mailed to us from Neenah last September and never arrived.
4. Letters were used to shoo flies off brides at Menasha weddings.
3. Stolen by Seinfeld obsessed Newman cos-player.
2. Postal carriers take the vow that neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night will keep them from the swift completion of their appointed rounds but walking through Menasha is just a bridge too far.
1. Envelopes being reused to send numerous late payment notices from creditors to Menominee Nation Arena and Red Lion Paper Valley Hotel.
