HOT TIME, SUMMER IN WISCONSIN
Today’s another scorcher
And tomorrow could hit ninety-two.
If you want to stay cool, you’re out of luck.
Even our meteorologist Steve Beylon would say “you’re screwed”.
The temps will be so high today
Not meaning to sound crass
But you’re likely to get baked
Like the Pillsbury Doughboy’s pasty ass.
Conditions will be so hot
people will be sweating throughout the midwest
like they’re Flash star Ezra Miller
at a police mandated urine test.
This week is going to be hotter
Than Megan Fox doing some sexy dance.
It’s going to be steamier than the time they held a Little Rascal’s film fest
at the Neverland Ranch.
And if that isn’t bad enough
I’ll tell you this, my friends,
When you figure in the humidity
It’ll be soggier than Nancy Pelosi’s Depends.
It’s going to be so scorching,
You’ll sweat right through your shirt
It’s going to be damn near as insufferable
As sitting through a Justin Bieber concert.
All throughout the nation’s heartland
Temps will be so high
The air will feel even stuffier
Than Tucker Carlson when he always wore that stupid-ass bowtie.
Anyone outside this week
will be suffering from the heat
plus the air will be as sticky as the stains
Amber Heard left on Johnny’s sheets.
It’s going to be uncomfortable
You’re going to burn and sweat.
Because the air this week is going to be
Even thicker than Bill Jartz neck.
So, if you want to chill out somewhere this weekend
And find the heat just too much to endure
Try going to American Family Field
‘Cuz if there’s anyone who really cold right now…it’s your Milwaukee Brewers.
