The remains of what they are calling a female “vampire” have been unearthed by archaeologists in a Polish cemetery. The archaeologists located the remains of the “vampire” in a gravesite with a sickle around her neck and a padlock on her foot. The sickle was reportedly related to a common 17th century superstition that claimed it would slice off the “vampire’s” head if she tried getting up.
Until now, I always considered vampires things of myth and legend. But now that they’ve dug up this alleged vampire, I may have to reconsider.
With that in mind, here are the Rick and Cutter signs that someone…
MIGHT BE A VAMPIRE
If the person you encounter sucks even harder than the Chicago Bears…they might be a vampire.
If their skin is whiter than The population of Suamico…they might be a vampire.
If their breath is reminiscent of what it would smell like if Kaukauna had an ass…they might be a vampire.
If they have a fear of water and smell like death and they’re not the bride at a Menasha wedding …they might be a vampire.
If they meet Salma Hayek and they’re more interested in her neck and than her boobs, her glorious, glorious boobs…they might be a vampire.
If they feast on human blood and suck the souls of the newly born…and they’re not Mitch McConnell…they might be a vampire.
If their overall demeanor is even creepier than a wet dream about Bill Jartz…they’re definitely a vampire!
[CBS News]
