With today, being Groundhog Day, we decided to compare and contrast our two leading sources of weather information, the groundhog and WBAY First Alert, Meteorologist Steve Beylon.
GROUNDHOG
Offspring are called chucklings.
STEVE BEYLON
I bet his offspring often fake chuckling at his dad-jokes.
GROUNDHOGS
Do not form long-term, stable bonds.
STEVE BEYLON
Has been at WBAY for 17 years or as it’s known in local news lingo “a half a Zalaski”.
GROUNDHOGS
In some areas are called Thick Wood Badgers.
STEVE BEYLON
Works at Action 2 News with Thick Neck Jartz.
GROUNDHOGS
They live in holes.
STEVE BEYLON
I’m not saying it’s a hole… but he did grow up in New Jersey.
GROUNDHOGS
During mating season male-female interactions are limited to copulation.
STEVE BEYLON
Also screws…up the weather forecast but only occasionally.
GROUNDHOGS
Is a close cousin of the yellow-bellied marmot and the hoary marmot.
STEVE BEYLON
I am not well enough acquainted with his cousins to know the color of their abdomens or judge their moral turpitude.
GROUNDHOGS
When alarmed, will emit a high-pitched whistle to warn the colony.
STEVE BEYLON
When alarmed, will emit a low-pitched beeping sound, and break into an episode of The Bachelor to warn the community.
GROUNDHOGS
They clean their faces in a manner similar to squirrels and lick their fur much like a cat.
STEVE BEYLON
Ditto.
GROUNDHOGS
If the groundhog emerges from his hole today and sees his shadow, we will supposedly have six more weeks of winter.
STEVE BEYLON
If Steve emerges from his Action 2 Weather Center today and sees his shadow, TV-2 will have six more weeks of reruns of The View.
