We are proud to name as the 2024 Weenie of the Year, the stan for Uzbekistan who took the media world by storm by faking his own death in order to be with a lady from Uzbekistan which is near Kazakhstan but even Borat wouldn’t go there. At this point, we all should be familiar with the story of Ryan Borgardt of Green Lake. Hell the whole world is familiar with the story as it received coverage on all news outlets and as we predicted should be the next Netflix docu-series based on strange Wisconsin behavior, following the junk yard owner and the guy who ate other people. We don’t mean to compare this Green Lake goulash to famous Wisconsin murderers but the story is just as weird. Here’s what we originally wrote.
Ryan went missing after kayaking by himself on August 12th, police found that he had cashed in a life insurance policy, had bought airline gift cards, had wiped his hard drive (not good enough) on the morning he disappeared, he had plans on how to fake his death, had reported his passport stolen and had been in communication with a supposed woman in, yes Uzbekistan. Then just earlier this week a TikTok video surfaced of a guy who looks a lot like Ryan asking a social media influencer if he should go to Uzbekistan or stay here and when asked why he said for a woman but that he was still married to a woman here in the states. Now to be fair, authorities have stated they don’t believe the person in that viral video is Ryan. This can only mean that woman in Uzbekistan was already digitally cheating on him, or this is more believable there’s more than one middle-aged sucker in the U.S. Cause come on, there’s about a much of a chance that this woman is real as there is that I have Nigerian price relative who just left me millions of dollars and all I have to do is provide my banking information to receive it. I wonder if she asked for money in the form of iTunes gift cards as well.
Now it turns out the woman was real and in fact that’s how police and the feds were able to find him in an apartment somewhere in Eastern Europe. So we can only guess the can’t believe she was actually a real woman from Uzbekistan sold him out. I was never so happy to be wrong.
After all that happened, Ryan is now back in Green Lake County and in custody. His wife is now divorcing him to the surprise of no one and his poor kids probably have a lifetime pass to Betterhelp.
So for taking the classic deadbeat dad line “I’m going out for smokes be right back” to a whole new shine, for being turned on by an Uzbekistan woman faster than a Joe Pesci played character in a cop drama, yeah not the turned on he was hoping for either, and for bringing more attention to a central Wisconsin county than even a maker of lampshades did a couple of Counties over. (For those that don’t understand that’s an Ed Gein reference) We are proud to name the obviously has ghoulish for brains gullible goon of Green Lake County, Ryan Borgwardt as this week’s Laura Lee and Cutter Weenie of the week.
