We are proud to name as this week’s Laura Lee and Cutter Weenie of the week 34-year-old Joseph Ross, a now in what can only be assumed, former Wisconsin State Fair vendor employee. Let’s set this up.
A woman who is a coworker of Mr. Ross felt funny after drinking her can of coke and suspected it had been tampered with. She said her can of cola had a strong chemical smell and taste and she fell ill after drinking it. And no, she isn’t the weenie for drinking her soda anyway, but let’s be honest, it’s Coke and it can remove rust off of metal so who knows. This is where her genius does come in. She set up a tiny camera under her keyboard at her desk. Then she gets a new can of coke and leaves it at her desk, and like clockwork work this guy shows up and puts something in her soda. I know what you’re thinking: roofies. Nope, not anything that fun. You can see him plain as day wearing blue surgical-style gloves and putting gorilla glue in her can and then walks away. Gorilla glue?! Did he think then the soda would stick to her insides and, haha, a funny April fools joke? Except this was the week before April Fools. She flagged down the local police at the State Fair grounds and gave them the footage. When they confronted him about the footage, they found the 2 gloves rolled up into balls; one had an open bottle of gorilla glue, and the other glove had the cap wrapped up in it. Listen guy just because you eat glue doesn’t mean the other people in the office have to as well
We should say both people were the employees of a vendor for the Wisconsin State Fair and not employees of the fair itself. Still what was this guy so mad at her for? Not using his idea of deep fried superglue cola at the fair this summer. To be fair they do deep fry everything else.
So for trying to get a car pool partner for paste eaters anonymous, for confusing a tube of gorilla glue for a tube of mentos, the fresh maker, also the make coke explode maker, and for not realizing Coke a cola is already filled with so many chemicals that you didn’t really need to add any more, unless she was drinking that Mexican coke with the real sugar, we are proud to name the Sticky Soft Drink Spiker of the State Fair, Joseph Ross as this week’s Laura Lee and Cutter Weenie of the Week.
