We are proud to name as this week’s Laura Lee and Cutter Weenie of the Week an Appleton woman who, after being released from jail, celebrated by going right back to jail. Just a masterclass in decision-making. The woman in question was released from jail earlier this week on probation, which is normal. One of her bond conditions to commit no more crimes. Now you may think that seems obvious, but for some, it is not, including this week’s Weenie. This woman walks into a gas station and asks the clerk watching the gas station about getting free food via her rewards card. The clerk explains what she can and can’t have via said rewards. Simple enough. What she does next, though, takes the cake. Actually, if they had cake, she would have actually taken it. She started stuffing all kinds of different food items into her purse, in plain view of the gas station attendant whom she had just talked to about her rewards card. When confronted about taking said items, she said she didn’t. Gaslighting is not just for supposed hot girls who are actually dudes on Tinder anymore. So yeah, she stole some stuff right after getting out of jail for always stealing stuff. You’d think that if you’re already in hot water with the justice system, that maybe lying low would be a good idea. Not for our genius out on the streets, because it’s not every day someone works this hard to stay in the system. Maybe she got pointers from the guy who robbed the Wells Fargo in downtown Appleton, got out of jail, and then robbed it again.
So for treating her criminal record like a Pokedex, she’s gotta catch them all. For treating a gas station rewards program like food stamps being used at a Save-a-Lot, and for giving the Outagamie County Judge another opportunity to practice their disappointed parent face.
We are proud to name the gas station grazer of the greater Wisconsin area as this week’s Laura Lee and Cutter Weenie of the week.
