We are proud to name as this week’s Laura Lee and Cutter Weenie of the Week, a 24-year-old Milwaukee woman who attempted to smuggle drugs into a prison via balloons. Although we don’t know exactly where those ballons were hiding, but
Balloons… because apparently, somewhere along the line, she confused a correctional facility with a child’s birthday party.
According to police, this woman went to visit an inmate at Oshkosh Correctional Institution and allegedly tried sneaking in synthetic marijuana and Suboxone hidden inside balloons. Not in food or in clothing… in balloons. FYI, if I ever end up in prison, smuggle drugs to me in a cake. More specifically, a Carvel Cookie Puss ice cream cake.
And because every terrible idea needs teamwork, investigators say a 25-year-old guy was helping coordinate things from the parking lot. Authorities ended up referring multiple people for charges connected to the whole operation.
Why don’t we have the names of these contraband clowns? If your criminal mastermind plan involves supplies from the party aisle at Walmart, you may not be the criminal genius you think you are.
I feel like you lose the right to privacy.
These people allegedly thought this would actually work in a prison… a place specifically designed to search for contraband all day long. That’s like trying to sneak beer into Lambeau by hiding it in a trombone.
So for allegedly turning prison drug smuggling into a balloon animal competition…
For allegedly trying to float contraband into prison like it’s the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade…
And for treating nature’s pocket like a clown car for drugs
We are proud to name these bombastic butthole balloon goons as this week’s Laura Lee and Cutter Weenie of the Week.
