In Green Bay Mayor Jim Schmitt’s State of the City address Wednesday, he said he’s still working to move the coal piles along the Fox River south of the Tilleman Bridge. So, what should they do with the coal piles. We have some ideas. Ten to be precise.
TOP TEN THINGS TO DO WITH GREEN BAY’S COAL PILES
10. Cover the two largest piles with giant sexy bra turning it into an advertising opportunity for the Oval Office.
9. Draw Charlie Sheen back to town by telling him the coal dust is black cocaine and watch it disappear in a week.
8. Just put all the piles in one of Tom Milbourn’s old hats.
7. Move the piles to Suamico and let clown-themed rap group fans bury their hastily amputated fingers in them.
6. Relocate the piles to the site of Green Bay’s number 3 tourist attraction, “That Place They Once Almost Built a Wal-Mart”.
5. Stick the giant piles of coal up Ted Thompson’s tight ass and in no time you’ll have giant piles of diamonds.
4. If I didn’t suggest putting it Guy Zima’s pants or Mayor Schmidt’s eyebrows there would be riots on Broadway.
3. Truck it to Fond du Lac where at least the pee from all the public urinating will tamp down the coal dust.
2. Coat the coal and cheese and hope the city’s enormous rat population eats it all.
1. Transport it to Door County where shopkeepers can sell it to vacationing FIBs to take back to Illinois and put into the Christmas stockings of their mewling, entitled, ill-mannered mouth-breathing crotch-fruit.